Didnt your parents learn ya right? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Didnt your parents learn ya right?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by the, Apr 19, 2013.

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  1. ThisIsWhoIAm

    ThisIsWhoIAm is best pony

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    Hmm well my father used to beat the crap out of my old brother, and would beat the crap out of me if my brother wouldn't protect me. Then my brother committed suicide when he was 21 and i was 13. A few years later when i was 18 my dad committed suicide. My mom told me i suck at many things and she's really paranoid and that shit was stuck to me for many years. She's also a racist and she has no friends. I'm cool with my history tho, i make my own family with friends i love. Victim mentality?

    Edit: My father never talked to us either. He just went on anger rampages a few times a month and the rest of the time he was like a ticking time bomb with a newspaper and shaking hands.

    The only person who taught me anything was my brother and it was to respect people from other races(especially black people which my mother especially despised), and to not throw stones at animals because they have feelings too. But he was in a very bad shape so he left this world when i was quite young, and since then i taught myself pretty much everything i know today. None of it from school too.

    So... What exactly do you mean by victim mentality?

    Edit#2:
    Oh you're one of those lucky folks. Welp, good for you. Just don't be too quick to judge people you don't know.
     
    #21 ThisIsWhoIAm, Apr 20, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2013
  2. OP
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    Yeah child INFJs are essentially rocket scientists until those evil and barbaric parents get ahold on you. Plus youre just way cooler.
     
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  3. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    What they taught me:
    -How to count past 100
    -My ABCs
    -Twi
    -Basic Multiplication
    -How to tie my shoes
    -How to drive
    -Manners and Politeness
    -How to balance a checkbook
    -How to clean

    What they didn't teach me:
    -How to cook
    -How to change the vacuum bag
    -How to use a computer
    -How to read
    -How to study
    -How to take care of my hair
    -A bunch of other things
     
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  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Most of us have had to deal with horrible things in life. I am not going to go into detail about mine.
     
    #24 acd, Apr 20, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2013
  5. jimtaylor

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    They taught me a lot but not because they actually taught me. I learned by observation and trial and error. My parents didn't have much time for me and I didn't have much time for them. They normally just pushed me off onto other people because they didn't have the patience to teach me.

    edit: My problem is if I had listened to my parents I would be more fucked up than I already am. My mom once told me that women are superior to men and men should be subservient to them because men are the children of Satan. Lol stuff like this is great for laughs later. My younger brother and I just sit around laughing about it because its more crazy than what they show in movies.

    There is not much more you can do when your mother is the worst type of feminist there is. You just learn to take it all with a grain of salt and realize that they do the best they can even if they suck at it. Best intentions but horrible results.
     
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    #25 jimtaylor, Apr 20, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2013
  6. Morethanthisbody

    Morethanthisbody Regular Poster

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    you are not any of that.that's how they feel about themselves but are too immature to face with their own self-image,thus shoving their frustrations on you.don't believe any of those irrational accusations, one day they will have to look into themselves really good and admit they were worthess parents.you are not the problem,children are blessings, and if your parents fail to realize how much of a blessing you are to their lives, that's their problem.
     
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  7. Morethanthisbody

    Morethanthisbody Regular Poster

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    true,true,true-couldn't say that better myself
     
  8. Morethanthisbody

    Morethanthisbody Regular Poster

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    My parents taught me and my brother to be vile,to think we are ugly and stupid,and good for nothing.Thankfully,since i became christian it's much better for me,but my brother is a bastard.He's been spoiled by my shitty parents (pardon my language) and i swear if he continues to act like this i will call police and make them lock him up for life.He's a little bastard,calling me ugly and whore (even though i never did him any wrong),giving me middle finger,having anger problems,telling me to f*** off,calling my mother ugly and whore too,getting into fights with her and my father--that's the way they raised us.I was once like him. My parents threathened to kill me and themselves more than three times,i was raised to think i'm a fatass b****,that everything is my fault,that I'm stupid and most unwanted child,etc.
    No wonder i have body dysmorphia and no confidence,i was raised by parents who spent no time with me and when they would spend time with me,they would insult the hell outta me.Oh,and they ridicule me for being a christian too.
     
    #28 Morethanthisbody, Apr 20, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2013
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  9. Neuro

    Neuro Rid of Me

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    Kinda OT; I had a dream last night where my parents explained to me that I was adopted, and suddenly it all made sense! until I woke up :(

    I know you have a rough story yourself, but I don't think it works to generalize all INFJ's experiences with yours.

    In a light-hearted manner I'd say most parents try to impose their lameness on their children, and I'd be surprised to find a child who in many ways don't feel they've seen through their parents faults and therfore are smarter than them, in that sense (even though this varies a lot, depending on how mentally well their parent are and etc).

    There seem to be a pattern here, yes, but I wouldn't conclude that it's a pattern for INFJ-to-parent-relationships rather than just plain child-to-parent-relationship.

    On a slightly different note it would be interesting to know people's parents' mbti for a comparision... I've never felt I've been really understood by my parents, at most just accepted as "quirky". Maybe their teachings would've been better if we shared more similar way of thinking, who knows.
     
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  10. Snowman219

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    My mom got me hooked on reading. Dad wasn't around much. I honestly don't even think he was capable of raising children. He took life way too seriously and filled my head with bullshit. Being forced to listen to an idiot for 20 years just gets on some peoples nerves. He was great at working on machinery but you go into psychology and he is completely clueless, like most men.
     
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  11. ThisIsWhoIAm

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    Saying sorry wouldn't hurt.
     
  12. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    You can feel sorry for yourself. It's up to you.
     
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  13. ThisIsWhoIAm

    ThisIsWhoIAm is best pony

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    That has nothing to do with the fact that you judged me and addressed me in a very insulting manner.

    Edit: Anyhow my point is, your ego is controlling you pretty tight.
     
  14. Sriracha

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    Since this seems to be such a rant on parents, can I tell you that from a "normal" parent perspective that we are always questioning or doubting what we are doing to our children? I'm in NO WAY talking about abusive situations. I remember being in that place where I blamed my parents (mother) for all my problems ... then I finally grew up. I realized that they were a product of their environment just as I was. My mother was severely abused by her parents, and she hid this fact when she left her situation and had children of her own. She did the best she could, and might I say fantastic with little to no role models. She became everything her parents were not and I find that in itself as courageous. Was she perfect? Not in any way. Did she damage me emotionally? Not to the extend that it was something I could not overcome myself. I think that is the key here, is that you have the choice to overcome these issues that hold you back from being a better version of yourself ... my own mother did it, and so did I. So you aren't necessarily becoming smarter or better than your parents ... that is like comparing an apple to an orange.

    I question myself as a parent many times. There definitely is a conflict of personalities at times. Regardless, I am the parent, I am fair in punishment, I love my kids equally (even though our dynamics are different), I am predictable, I provide a safe and secure environment, the schedule of the house is also predictable, etc. I don't always treat my kids the same, I do my best to work with their personality ... and you couldn't get two different brothers: ISTJ and ENFP. My husband and I both love to spend time with our kids, we love teaching our kids life lessons. Are we perfect? No, we're far from it. Have I ever apologized to my kids? Yes, absolutely. I've told them I make bad choices too, and ask them what could we do to make things better (this is always the issue of listening, communicating, being ignored, etc.)

    My 10 year old ISTJ son is head strong, stubborn, first born child. He is a hard worker, very responsible and loves to help. He loves to please adults in authority. He is a bit quirky and has trouble with making friends, part of that comes from being intellectually smarter than his peers (and not knowing how to dumb himself down to their lifestyle.) He has no trouble throwing me a death stare when he does not agree to doing something. The biggest lesson we have to reinforce with him is that he will be treated the way he treats others. This is incredibly difficult for him to grasp. When he is a pill, I can become a pill (give it enough time, b/c I think he enjoys ticking me off.) He loves to argue about everything.

    My 8 year old ENFP is easy going, flexible, go-with-the-flow type of kid. He doesn't question the rules, though he often forgets them and is governed by his impulses. I have a difficult time trusting him because of this, but I will trust him to do something until he can prove me wrong. I do set more limitations on him than my older son, because he has a harder time following through on "orders." Still, he likes to please me and is still very affectionate with me. My dynamic with him is very "magical" and easy. The biggest lesson we have to teach him is following through (even on a very basic level, it is difficult for him to focus on all his homework until it is completed ... but I am on his butt like white on rice.) lol


    So I hope this gives some of you a glimpse into what it is like to be a parent. You won't understand why your parents did certain things until you become a parent yourself. Obviously if it is something WRONG like abuse, you at least have the ability to recognize how you would raise your child differently. Trust me, ALL KIDS are capable of setting of their parents "crazy bells." It's how the parent responds to those bells.
     
  15. OP
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    Why are you taking this so personally?
     
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  16. Cornerstone

    Cornerstone Well-known member

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    My dad panics over little things and it comes out as anger because he's, like, loud and booming.
    Also, he is reluctant to try and especially learn new things. I think it is the fear of failing/initial failure that stops him trying.

    That has rubbed off on me and I'm not too happy about it.

    My mom has probably taught me a lot I haven't realised yet. I have a feeling a lot of my good side was helped by her.
     
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  17. ThisIsWhoIAm

    ThisIsWhoIAm is best pony

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    [MENTION=4423]Sriracha[/MENTION]

    We're talking about a different generation here. Our parents barely realized kids have to be respected in order for them to grow mentally well.
     
  18. Sriracha

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    I'm not. I'm merely attempting to widen the tunnel vision. :D
     
  19. Sriracha

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    Of which generation are you speaking?
     
  20. ThisIsWhoIAm

    ThisIsWhoIAm is best pony

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    Like, people who were born at around the 40's and the 50's, those are the parents we're pissed at :p
     
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