Defining abuse | INFJ Forum

Defining abuse

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Soulful, Nov 11, 2009.

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  1. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    What would you say is the line between inconsiderate, insensitive, and rude speech/interaction and emotional or verbal abuse?

    How do you distinguish subtle emotional/verbal abuse from someone who acts like a jerk with little or no awareness of, and thus no consideration of, people's feelings? Someone who interacts in a very selfish, critical and angry way by virtue of their beliefs and lack of people skills?

    The question stems form a conversation I had the other day. We were discussing someone specific, and she suggested that he is probably abusive and I said that I'm still not sure. It makes me wonder if I'm condoning this person's behaviour as "he's a jerk who doesn't know any better" when in fact it's deeper than that.
     
  2. NeverAmI

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    In the idea of abuse in social situations I think that it would be defined as knowingly performing actions that have a significantly negative effect on another person.
     
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  3. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    There is no difference.


    Emotional abuse is the manipulation of a person's emotions i.e. making someone feel guilty or ashamed for something.

    Mental abuse is manipulating a person's perceptions i.e. "crazy making" basically, stepping inside another person's head and invading their perceptions... telling a person what to think and how to think and making a person feel stupid for not agreeing.

    Verbal abuse breaks down a person's self esteem. Name calling, etc. etc.

    It's about breaking the other person down in order to feel powerful.
     
    #3 acd, Nov 12, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
  4. youhemmein

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    Yup. That, exactly. If you know it's inconsiderate, insensitive, and rude, then you know it's abusive.
     
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  5. Kavalan

    Kavalan Has risen

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    I put inconsiderate as crossing a line about a topic without that being the intension or knowing.
    I treat insensitive and rude behavior as one and that is crossing that line purposefully.


    Hope that is clear
     
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    #5 Kavalan, Nov 12, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
  6. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    agreed there is no difference...If some one is a jerk...doesnt matter he is inflicting harm on another thus making it abuse...
     
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  7. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Even if a person doesn't know; it's abusive.

    Just because someone claims to be ignorant of being abusive doesn't mean they get a free pass. There's no teaching some people. And you never have to put up with it.

    If by the time you are an adult you don't know how to respectfully treat other people, you will never know how to treat people.


    (Haha.. We must've posted at the same time, Entyqua..)
     
    #7 acd, Nov 12, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
  8. Kavalan

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    I'm just saying I've been in situations in which a topic is brought up and I throw it under the proverbial bus not knowing how the other felt or rather that they would react a certain way. That would be rather inconsiderate in my book.

    Not everyone tells you how they feel about everything.
     
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  9. Gaze

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    Agree.
     
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  10. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Ok, well, the majority of the time people who are abusive are dysfunctional and unaware of their issues or how to even begin to deal with them.
     
  11. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Soulful likes this.
  12. youhemmein

    youhemmein awkward turtle
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    Heh...I believe this to be true of the majority of people who exist. Period. But that's just my opinion. (!! I had an opinion !!)
     
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  13. sookie

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    This is from wikipedia:
    Actions of ignoring, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticizing others consistently.
    A manipulation of words.
    Purposeful humiliation of others.
    Accusing others falsely for the purpose of manipulating a person's decision making.
    Manipulating people to submit to undesirable behavior.
    Making others feel unwanted and unloved.
    Threatening to leave the family destitute.
    Placing the blame and cause of the abuse onto others.
    Isolating a person from some type of support system, consisting of friends or family
     
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  14. Gaze

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    Quite true. Most individuals who are emotionally and mentally abusive are the last to be recognized as abusive because their abuse is not "visible" to the naked eye, and we're taught to think that we have complete control of our psyches and that no one can make us feel less than we are. Which is why many people blame themselves for the abuse and stay with the abuse for long periods of time. They assume it's their fault and hold themselves entirely responsible.


    Even dismissive behavior can be quite abusive. Ignoring someones needs and their right to feel that their needs and concerns are valid can be a form of emotional abuse. Few people realize this.
     
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    #14 Gaze, Nov 12, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
  15. Kavalan

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    hmm agreed. My ideas were generalizations for all people, not just jerks and asshats. But I think my abuse idea is lacking and not getting my idea across... I'll redo that later tonight.
     
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  16. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
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    What about the minority who are aware and are trying to improve? Do you support them? How far?
     
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  17. Solar Empath

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    Yup. It becomes abuse when it is consistent. If this is the norm with someone, then the relationship is abusive.
     
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  18. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    I would say inconsiderance reflects the person's stance on prioritizing themselves over you or having thought about themselves before you.
    Whereas insensitivity is the lack of tolerance, to not allow (something that one dislikes or disagrees with) to exist or occur without interference. Then Rude speech/ interaction would arise as the effect, because they feel overwhelmed by something in fact 'valid' that opposes and threatens their view. Thus, rudeness would be a defensive reaction arising from the denial and intolerance.

    Everyone has been rude or what might be considered unintentional inconsiderance by someone at some point. SO it is the insensitivity that differs it from abuse!! So I would say all of these are a chain reaction, where insensitivity makes it abuse!!! Because abuse is basically a compiled diseased word for all of the above.

    Are you dealing with a narcissist dear ? :/
     
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    #18 Pristinegirl, Nov 12, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
  19. Solar Empath

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    I disagree, it's consistency that makes it abuse. If your SO says something insensivite and cruel a couple times a year then he's having a bad day.

    If he does it every day then he's abusive.
     
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  20. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    Of course it is consistency but insensitivity is a defining factor too, because just think someone who is sensitive would not be consistently abusive!
     
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