deep v superficial | INFJ Forum

deep v superficial

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by the, Oct 13, 2009.

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  1. the

    the Si master race.
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    What characterizes a superficial relationship versus a deep relationship to you?
     
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  2. The Jester

    I'm waiting for someone to say superficiality and deepness.
     
  3. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    this question is too easy.
     
  4. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    A deep relationship is with someone I can truly care about for a long period of time; if I can feel at ease with a person without extra effort and can do so for a long time, then that may be the start of a deep relationship.
     
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  5. SuperFob

    SuperFob Regular Poster

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    Gut feelings. I explore my feelings, and I instinctually just know how deep the relationship is.
     
  6. IndigoSensor

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    Really, just someone I can relate to, and someone I can talk to with ease.

    Someone could be a deep person, but if I do not align with them, I won't be able to see the depth that they have, and will more often then not write it off and ignore them.

    A shallow person can be a good friend with me, but I just have to be able to talk to them, and they have to have the capacity to listen to me when I want to talk about something with a lot of depth to it.
     
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  7. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    superficial people want you for fun and adventure and not much out. they just want you to entertain them. deeper relationships can deal with when you aren't being 'fun' and 'entertaining', they understand people have ups and down and they are there for the rollercoaster ride.
     
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  8. foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

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    it has to do with trust, i think
     
  9. drsolace

    drsolace Community Member

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    A superficial relationship is somebody that won't engage in anything I say, I will use this person to get things out of.

    A deep relationship is somebody that at least tries to listen to me and understand. I will not use this person at all.
     
  10. Gaze

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    Yep.
     
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  11. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    Superficial relationships to me are the flaky ones that are inconsistent and random. I can have a great deal of respect for the person, and in some cases they can even be deep in their ideas, but the relationship is superficial if it is based on their whim and not something I find I have any access to when I need a friend. I've noticed most people seem to relate this way. They will look you up from time to time, but then disappear and the friendship never quite gets established to what I consider a real connection. I usually just respond and enjoy the passing interaction, but I keep it at a distance because it is inconsistent. I've never fully understood the purpose of this sort of interaction.

    A deep relationship is a consistent relationship with someone who is honest and enjoys analyzing to gain a better understanding of everything. It is also a friendship in which people allow themselves to be invested.
     
  12. Roger

    Roger ...

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    According to me, both depends on person's capacity to understand their friend or partner. Really it need lot of things, too. LIke trust, love and respect.
     
  13. sassafras

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    I think slant summed it up the best, but since I'm long-winded, I'm going to build on that:

    A superficial relationship is where one or both parties are here to enjoy each other's company for as long as it is enjoyable to them; whether that enjoyment derives from adventure, sexual relations, or the subject interest of the moment. Neither party feels invested in the emotional make-up of the other person, and sometimes, not committed to one another. It's often that neither party truly "knows" who the other person is; it's very see is what you get.

    A deep relationship is where both parties are invested in each other mentally and emotionally, and come to fully care about each other's well-being. There is an intimacy and a comfort level; the sense that both parties' truly "know" the other person, and "get" each other, even if the two of them are completely different personalities and come from different walks of life. All differences are bridged by an almost complete acceptance of the other, inside and out.
     
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    the likes this.
  14. bamf

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    That's basically what someone might refer to as 'true love' means to me. It's a conscious decision to accept the other person, all of their talents and all of their flaws, as a package deal.
     
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  15. booksncats

    booksncats Newbie

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    I agree with what Roger said: "According to me, both depends on person's capacity to understand their friend or partner." Because I don't believe that any two people who are willing can have a "deep" relationship. There are only a handful of people I feel like I can have deep relationships with because there are few people that I feel understand me. However, even out of those few, those people have to be willing to invest in the relationship too--if you have the connection but the other person doesn't have the time or desire to invest, it's no good either. I guess that's why I have few friendships that I am truly satisfied with.
     
  16. TinyBubbles

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    deep relationships are usually long term relationships where you've been through ups and downs with the person and have come to understand them intimately. you know all aspects of their personality, and accept them as they truly are.
    shallow relationships are where you really only see one side of a person, and it isn't enough to know if you can really trust them. there's no intimacy (beyond perhaps the physical). you can enjoy shallow relationships and like the person genuinely, but you wouldn't count on them to be there in an emergency.
     
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  17. Gaze

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    Agree.
     
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  18. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    superficiality and deepness
     
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  19. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    DEEP:
    We share our painful experiences and cry in front of each other.
    And snuggle. (ok, not always)
    :)
    They tend to be long-term because it takes a while for people to warm up, but they don't have to be. I've had deep connections with people that I'd known for a week and will never see again. And I've known people for 10 years and still remain on a superficial level with them.

    Superficial:
    Small talk, just on the surface, etc. Hanging out and doing activities but not getting to know the person inside and not sharing struggles..
    (I try to avoid these. I can't even be fake and do small talk, I just turn bitchy to make it stop, haha)
     
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    #19 GaiaGraha, Apr 13, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010
  20. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Ok. So I just recently located my very best childhood friend...
    I mean, it had been eight years since we last spoke and up to recently, I was still pining away for her--missing her friendship and our connection.

    After talking to her a few times, I've realized that each conversation has been only about her. She has not asked me a question--and I feel the entire conversation is me... counseling her through her many issues and problems.

    I suspect she has a Histrionic/Narcissistic thing going on... and am now realizing that I idealized our friendship and held it so high because I had a touch of co-dependancy even as a teenager.

    I don't think it is possible for me to have a really deep and meaningful and mutual friendship with her, because my definition of what that is has drastically changed over these eight years.

    This friendship, I would say, is to be a superficial one. I will always answer the phone when she calls and listen to her, but for my own well-being I have to keep her at arms length else I become consumed with her problems again..
     
    #20 acd, Apr 13, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010
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