Dealbreakers
- Thread starter mochi
- Start date
[MENTION=3876]mochi[/MENTION]- I guess you were assuming then that a person would only act within the context of a committed relationship then, or would you agree that (for you) a person who does things with people without being in a relationship with them would also break the deal because of that? Or am I wrong in thinking that?
I'll post mine. I feel like an idiot for posting them though.
- Obesity
-Smoking
Both are significant causes of preventable death and highly unattractive, but I will say that I would be with someone if they gave up smoking or unhealthy eating and stuck to that commitment. Old habits die hard though, and it isn't really reasonable for me to expect someone to do that (particularly for me). I just wanted to note that they aren't absolute deal breakers.
-Too insane (a little bit is okay, but not too much)
I now know through experience that I could not tolerable being with someone with uncontrolled bipolar I (note: I didn't actually enter into a relationship with this person).
- Has children
This might change in the future, but for now I'm only 21 and don't want to be with any woman who already has children.
- Not educated or appropriately cultured.
This one is a given. While I find women of all race/ethnicity/nationalities attractive, it is important that she and her family are western/modern in their thinking and traditions (and that they can communicate in English fairly well). It is also important that she has at least gone to university. My time in Africa is weighing heavily on my mind here.
- Not a nice person
I'm an overly sensitive person and have basically accepted that I need someone else who is either very sensitive or very nice as well.
- Addicted to drugs
legal and nonlegal- they can destroy a person and I would rather not be destroyed with them.
I think those are all the critical things I need from a person. I think I actually am picky and have high standards, and most of these have already eliminated most people.
I might never find anyone: I don't know. These are the things that I could not go back on.
I'll post mine. I feel like an idiot for posting them though.
- Obesity
-Smoking
Both are significant causes of preventable death and highly unattractive, but I will say that I would be with someone if they gave up smoking or unhealthy eating and stuck to that commitment. Old habits die hard though, and it isn't really reasonable for me to expect someone to do that (particularly for me). I just wanted to note that they aren't absolute deal breakers.
-Too insane (a little bit is okay, but not too much)
I now know through experience that I could not tolerable being with someone with uncontrolled bipolar I (note: I didn't actually enter into a relationship with this person).
- Has children
This might change in the future, but for now I'm only 21 and don't want to be with any woman who already has children.
- Not educated or appropriately cultured.
This one is a given. While I find women of all race/ethnicity/nationalities attractive, it is important that she and her family are western/modern in their thinking and traditions (and that they can communicate in English fairly well). It is also important that she has at least gone to university. My time in Africa is weighing heavily on my mind here.
- Not a nice person
I'm an overly sensitive person and have basically accepted that I need someone else who is either very sensitive or very nice as well.
- Addicted to drugs
legal and nonlegal- they can destroy a person and I would rather not be destroyed with them.
I think those are all the critical things I need from a person. I think I actually am picky and have high standards, and most of these have already eliminated most people.
I might never find anyone: I don't know. These are the things that I could not go back on.
You can send your super skinny men my way [MENTION=3876]mochi[/MENTION]!
Will do ;P
That is correct. Being a "friend w/benefits" type is far, far worse. D:
Personally, I can date someone who is overweight, just not obese (I really wouldn't know a weight to put it at, but I'm thinking, the type of person who can't even walk anymore [gah, it sounds so mean when I type it like that >w<). I think it does kind of suck because it is a common preference... But at the same time, I think it's fair because people just can't help what they are attracted to, at least physically.
It's interesting that you mention that. Smoking doesn't really do anything for me either way. For some reason I always thought I'd end up a cigarette smoker because I'm the type of person who gets stressed out easily and has an addictive personality. But luckily, that didn't happen, maybe if by chance I hung out with smokers, who knows...? In a relationship, I would want the person to at least be trying to quit, although I know it would take a while. But I am pretty allergic to the fumes (I start getting hives). Sort of a forced dealbreaker?
The same goes with cats.I would like to hear more about your experience. =]
Same...
Not bad! Lol, if that's picky then I must be super picky.
I also think that's my problem 
But in some ways it can be good, and we have a general idea of what we are looking for. :3
In no particular order:
Hardcore anorexia
Interacts too negatively with my own problems + words can't describe how much it sucks to watch a loved one fade away into a skeleton when you're unable to do anything about it. I've walked down that road with someone once, and I won't do it again.
Overweight combined with no interest in doing anything about it.
Take care of your body. I don't find obesity attractive. It doesn't take much to stay in a well enough shape to avoid slowly ending up obese.
Smoking
Instant turnoff. Unhealthy. The smell brings back bad memories.
Stupidity
There's no long-term potential if you can't keep up with me intellectually.
Dishonesty
I expect honesty, even when the truth hurts. If you can't give me the truth, tell me that, instead of making up lies.
A generic lack of realistic long-term prospects for us together.
If there's no long-term potential at all, I'm wasting my time with you. Best to move on right away if that's the case.
That should cover all the dealbreakers for me. There's other factors that could combine and make it not worth it, but the factors listed above are dealbreakers on their own.
Hardcore anorexia
Interacts too negatively with my own problems + words can't describe how much it sucks to watch a loved one fade away into a skeleton when you're unable to do anything about it. I've walked down that road with someone once, and I won't do it again.
Overweight combined with no interest in doing anything about it.
Take care of your body. I don't find obesity attractive. It doesn't take much to stay in a well enough shape to avoid slowly ending up obese.
Smoking
Instant turnoff. Unhealthy. The smell brings back bad memories.
Stupidity
There's no long-term potential if you can't keep up with me intellectually.
Dishonesty
I expect honesty, even when the truth hurts. If you can't give me the truth, tell me that, instead of making up lies.
A generic lack of realistic long-term prospects for us together.
If there's no long-term potential at all, I'm wasting my time with you. Best to move on right away if that's the case.
That should cover all the dealbreakers for me. There's other factors that could combine and make it not worth it, but the factors listed above are dealbreakers on their own.
lets see---
unhealthily overweight or underweight (i dont mind big healthy girls or skinny healthy girls)
unwilling to learn, or improve one's self
not giving a fuck about anyone but themselves
unable or unwilling to explain their own actions
too serious
unhealthily overweight or underweight (i dont mind big healthy girls or skinny healthy girls
)unwilling to learn, or improve one's self
not giving a fuck about anyone but themselves
unable or unwilling to explain their own actions
too serious
If it's stabilized before it gets too bad and where just therapy sessions can be enough to fix it, it's ok. Not ideal, but it's something I can accept.
But when you reach the point where it's potentially fatal, and forced medical intervention is required... I don't want to be close to someone going through that again. And someone going through that deserve to have a partner with normal and healthy food habits.
Involuntary hospitalization for months. Relapses making tube feeding neccesary. Careful monitoring and logging to watch how the condition develops. I'm not strong enough to watch a loved one go through that hell again. I know that I'm bad at it. I know I might panic and make it worse for her.