Dealbreakers

[mochi]

After watching the hilarious episode of 30 Rock, where Tina Fey's character writes a book called "Dealbreakers" that gets her in trouble with men for being unreasonable, me and my bestie the other day started talking about our own. For example, my friend wants to date those who are at her education level, and I thought that was fair, but some people don't. What are your deal breakers? Do you think they are fair, if so why? Do you think some dealbreakers from the opposite sex are unfair? Discuss.

My dealbreakers were:

Physically
Beards Lol.
Very Skinny (Men in my family are very skinny)
Obese (Overweight Okay)

Personality
Sarcasm
Meaness
Overly Logical
(all self-explanatory)

Habits/Job Wise/Skills
Not either in 1) school or 2) have a job. (One is sufficient, but lacking both is a dealbreaker for me. Exception--Volunteer work, Peace corps, etc)
Illegal Drugs.
Hasn't ever been in a relationship.
Too many Exes/Past Relationships.

Feel free to evaluate the fairness of mine.

 

[AUM]

You don't like sarcasm?

*takes [MENTION=3876]mochi[/MENTION] off the list*

Seriously, though. My only deal breaker would be not having things in common with the other person. I don't really buy that of opposites attract. Other than that, it's all fair game.

 

[mochi]

You don't like sarcasm?

*takes [MENTION=3876]mochi[/MENTION] off the list*

Seriously, though. My only deal breaker would be not having things in common with the other person. I don't really buy that of opposites attract. Other than that, it's all fair game.

Lol, so I take it that's your dealbreaker? Well, sarcasm is okay at times. I guess I meant when people take it too far and it's more mean than funny, that's the kind of sarcasm that becomes a dealbreaker for me.

True, I don't really buy into that as much either. I look for similarities. :3

 

[Blind Bandit]

What is wrong with a beard?

 

[Faye]

Hasn't ever been in a relationship.

How are they supposed to get into a relationship if you have created a catch 22 like this? Are you saying you necessarily need someone with baggage to be with them? Like, what if you met someone you really liked who had not been in a relationship for some reason or another, which is actually not too unlikely given how things have changed for/by our generation?

 

[Jill Hives]

How are they supposed to get into a relationship if you have created a catch 22 like this? Are you saying you necessarily need someone with baggage to be with them? Like, what if you met someone you really liked who had not been in a relationship for some reason or another, which is actually not too unlikely given how things have changed for/by our generation?

Yeah I thought that one was odd too.

 

[Arsal]

Beards are awesome, period.

I only have one (and even that is negotiable):

If you consider outward behavior as a measure of personality, i.e. the way someone walks, converses, laughs, etc., I wouldn't be able to handle you, I'll just angry at you all the time. I'm sure there's people out there who would enjoy and maybe laugh with you at people like that, I'm not one of them.

And that's it.

 

[jyrffw54]

If you genuinely treat me like last month's meatloaf that has long been forgotten in the fridge, it's no deal.
It is also a no deal if you decide to clothespin yourself to me. I need my space.

 

[894tt3h9]

Really bad hygiene. I can't tolerate it.

 

[grt$5vb]

Really good thread! Okay, personally I LOVE sarcasm, mean-spirited humor, and logic in a man! My dealbreakers are:
-dishonesty
-cruelty
-sleeping with another woman
-not reading

 

[jyrffw54]

Really good thread! Okay, personally I LOVE sarcasm, mean-spirited humor, and logic in a man! My dealbreakers are:
-dishonesty
-cruelty
-sleeping with another woman
-not reading

/intj lover lol


But I agree that these are all just...No.

 

[mochi]

What is wrong with a beard?

Nothing, lol, but it's always been a preference for me that a man is clean shaven. I suppose it's really the habit of not shaving that would be a dealbreaker and not the beard itself... ie, if I met someone who, on the off chance, didn't have a beard but usually does, and just shaved it for a special occasion, it would be similar. People have commented that I seem to like men who have "feminine" looking faces, maybe that has something to do with it, and it's been the subject of many an inside joke.

How are they supposed to get into a relationship if you have created a catch 22 like this? Are you saying you necessarily need someone with baggage to be with them? Like, what if you met someone you really liked who had not been in a relationship for some reason or another, which is actually not too unlikely given how things have changed for/by our generation?

Yeah I thought that one was odd too.

To be honest, I knew that that one was going to be my 'unfair' one, lol. When I was younger, I would have considered it. But I guess it's like, I'm trying to find someone with the same amount of experience that I have. I would feel guilty because I would be their first everything, when they aren't my first everything, and I think it would be too much for me.

Beards are awesome, period.

:thumb:

 

[mochi]

Really good thread! Okay, personally I LOVE sarcasm, mean-spirited humor, and logic in a man! My dealbreakers are:
-dishonesty
-cruelty
-sleeping with another woman
-not reading

Thx Interesting preferences

I'm just too sensitive to handle the fury of logical men lol .

Now that you mentioned it, I missed out that dealbreaker too: history of cheating.

 

[grt$5vb]

[MENTION=2873]Serenity[/MENTION], you know it, girl!

[MENTION=3876]mochi[/MENTION] I'm completely hypersensitive. If he yelled at me, I wouldn't be able to stand it.

History of cheating is fine. I don't judge by the past. Do it to ME, and we're done.

 

[Siamese cat]

http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13094

 

[mochi]

http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13094

Oh no! I thought for sure I didn't see one in the R&S section... I should have done a better search. D: Thank you for pointing that out [MENTION=2300]Siamese cat[/MENTION].

Maybe we could talk about the fairness part instead for a quick fix. :3

 

[Siamese cat]

Oh no! I thought for sure I didn't see one in the R&S section... I should have done a better search. D: Thank you for pointing that out @Siamese cat.

Maybe we could talk about the fairness part instead for a quick fix. :3

I pointed it out only for you to see opinions of people who are not around much now, so you'll have a better variety of answers.

Don't sweat it, direct your thread whatever way you want.

 

[mochi]

I pointed it out only for you to see opinions of people who are not around much now, so you'll have a better variety of answers.

Don't sweat it, direct your thread whatever way you want.

Oh I see Thanks again

 

[This]

Deal breaker:

1.) Labia lips are too long.

jk, this thread just reminded me of the labia plasty thread for some reason.

in all seriousness though.

For me there are no real "Deal breakers" because if I want a relationship with someone I'm not going to deny myself that. I tend to only get involved in an actual "relationship" if I feel a strong connection with another person but I'm not going to limit my options down before that point. I refuse to commit myself to someone who is essentially a stranger. I find it shocking and disturbing how quick people are to just lash themselves to the first thing that fits their requirements and close themselves off in this day and age. If I want someone as my girlfriend that really is a meaningful thing to me and not something I put a box around.

As far as your rules I hope you don't mind if I critique them, I'm a strong J and it gives me pleasure to do such things

My dealbreakers were:

Physically

Beards Lol.

This is fair as it is you preference. However men you are interested in can shave you know

Very Skinny (Men in my family are very skinny)
Obese (Overweight Okay)

I think both of these are also fair and both are changeable things.

Personality
Sarcasm
Meaness

These to me seem fair.

Overly Logical

Define "overly logical" if you mean devoid of human perspective I think that's fair to an extent.

Habits/Job Wise/Skills
Not either in 1) school or 2) have a job. (One is sufficient, but lacking both is a dealbreaker for me. Exception--Volunteer work, Peace corps, etc)

I suppose this is fair although in our current economy there are going to be many people out of work whether they really should be or not. There are also independently wealthy men in this world who no longer work.

Illegal Drugs.

This is fair although I've always been open to marijuana use in my partners as it's very common now days I can definitely see how drug use can cause turbulence in a relationship.

Hasn't ever been in a relationship.
Too many Exes/Past Relationships.

To me this seems unfair the first one is a catch-22 and the second is unchangeable. It's unfair to judge your partner based on their past in my opinion.

 

[mochi]

Deal breaker:

1.) Labia lips are too long.

jk, this thread just reminded me of the labia plasty thread for some reason.


in all seriousness though.


As far as your rules I hope you don't mind if I critique them, I'm a strong J and it gives me pleasure to do such things

Lol...!

This is fair as it is you preference. However men you are interested in can shave you know

Yes, it's what I hope for

Define "overly logical" if you mean devoid of human perspective I think that's fair to an extent.

Something like that. I guess, so logical that he loses regard for what is wrong or harmful.

I suppose this is fair although in our current economy there are going to be many people out of work whether they really should be or not. There are also independently wealthy men in this world who no longer work.

That's true, you could add the first to the exception rule. The second would be a dealbreaker. I guess an awkward phrase for what I mean is "not having goals/being a mooch."

To me this seems unfair the first one is a catch-22 and the second is unchangeable. It's unfair to judge your partner based on their past in my opinion.

I knew you were going to say that. I know it is unfair, because people can change. But I still adhere to it, because in my experience, most people don't, and I'd rather not take a risk. The first one, I have explained earlier, the second one, I use as a gauge of how long that person's relationships typically last. Again, I know it is not fair, but in most cases can be a good predictor. If a person has had 20 relationships at my age, and started at age 15, that would demonstrate that most of their relationships lasted less than one year. But I guess it's my own personal preference, I wouldn't want to force anyone to think the way I do. :3

I enjoyed your commentary on each on [MENTION=3255]Sali[/MENTION]!

I think someone else should share theirs, or perspectives on other common dealbreakers now lol. Enough about me, what about you guys?