Corrupt A Wish

[Vicarious]

I've seen this on a couple of other forums...usually, hilarity ensues. I'm not sure if it's been done here yet or not but I think there are enough new people here now that it won't really matter.

Format: Poster 1 makes a wish. Poster 2 corrupts wish somehow, and posts the next wish for poster 3 to corrupt...and so on and so forth.

Example:

Poster 1: I wish I won a gold medal (I'm watching the Olympics, give me a break)

Poster 2: Granted. You win a gold medal, but it's stripped from you after drug testing found you under the influence of a high grade beaver growth hormone and several anabolic steroids. Your only solace is the epic beard you've grown due to the drugs' side effects.

I wish for a water tower full of kool-aid.

...and so on

EDIT: Lets keep it humorous and not disturbing, please. That's the whole point.

Begin!

I wish for a lifetime supply of Diet Mountain Dew.

 

[Stu]

You win a life time supply of mountain dew in a staring contest. A package comes to your house claiming to contain the life time supply but it only has one can in it. You are completely freaked out thinking that once you sip another ounce of Mountain dew you are going to die so you put the can on your mantle piece next to the ashes of your old dog and never partake in the dew again

I wish for the understanding of my peers.

 

[Darkly Detached]

You have the understanding of your peers, but now you're incapable of understanding them.

I wish I had a career that I love.

 

[5r6jhd]

You get the career you love onlyto realise 6 months down the line that you want to go in another direction and are tied to said job in a lengthy contract.

I wish I could have a nap.

 

[SandMizzle]

You try to sleep in your room, when suddenly a loud noise scares you to death. You jump out of bed, but it's too late already. Four masked man with black coats get into your room and punch you for about five minutes till you nearly die. You lie blood coughing on the floor when they put a bag over your face and drag you down to their car in a painful way. The kidnappers talk in a language that you can't understand, so you have no idea what's going on. After a long ride they take you somewhere in a building and rip off your clothes. After they tie you on some metallic, cold table, they pull off the bag on your head and the last thing you see is a masked doctor holding a huge syringe saying to you: "Now you can take a nap!" and you faint....


I wish I would discover a groundbreaking theory in physics.

 

[Darkly Detached]

As soon as you utter the words, the ground shatters and everything falls into the abyss, and once you reach the centre, you realize you and everything else is doomed to remain suspended at the centre of the earth for all eternity.

I wish I could fall asleep without having nightmares

 

[SlowUpTake]

You fall into a deep restful slumber and dream of a dark haired woman with big eyes and soft lips who speaks to you without sound and watches your mouth intently as you tell her that your feelings are deeper than you realize. She takes you by the hand and you walk together into a golden sun that does not hurt when you look at it. As it pours like honey over you you realize you are dead.

I wish I would get an ardent call from Toronto from a beautiful Red Head I barely know.

 

[Rcs6r]

The attractive redhead calls you, but it's the gender you are not sexually attracted to. Your initial rejection drives them mad. They become obsessed with you, desiring you so badly that they track you down, kill you in your sleep then eat your body which was cooked in a pie (there were cherries in it too!), so you will both "become one." Also they have no soul because they're ginger.

I wish I could visit other planets.

 

[Gaze]

You can visit other planets but on those planets, they're going through civil war, and you can't leave each planet until the wars are over, and you are forced to take a side and fight for that side although you are a pacifist.


I wish I was a leprechaun

 

[Vicarious]

Granted. However, instead of pots of gold, you find nothing but Cup of Noodles, shrimp flavor.

I wish I had a pet wallaby.

 

[CindyLou]

Granted. However, instead of pots of gold, you find nothing but Cup of Noodles, shrimp flavor.

I wish I had a pet wallaby.

You have a pet wallaby that you absolutely adore and love. However this particular wallaby that you love and adore despises you and spends its entire life thinking you're food.

I wish someone would feed me grapes

 

[Gaze]

You have your wish but they are sour grapes which become really tough once you put them in your mouth. And the person feeding them to you is not a beautiful or handsome someone. They're are an unhappy or annoyed, irritated, whiny person who wonders why they have to feed someone grapes.

I wish I was a greek goddess

 

[hush]

A genie floats by and hears your wish, but is slightly hard of hearing and misunderstands your plea. Before you know it, you've been transfigured into a bottle of Green Goddess salad dressing. A ravenous hippie pours you over their salad fixings and digs in, ignorant to your silent urges to stop.

"Mmm, zesty," is the last thing you hear before you are devoured.

I wish I owned a fleet of pegasi.

 

[Vicarious]

Granted! However, they are all out of horses, so you get a fleet of flying donkeys. Hee haw!

I wish I were better with math.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

You're so good at math that you can see the matrix!!! But life gets uber boring after a week of that.

I wish I had the power to break those stupid slitted plastic glasses (because they're useless and you can see out of 'em) of all hipsters and teens with a mere glance!

 

[SlowUpTake]

You have it, but then all the teenage girls fall in love with you, you can not resist their nubile allure and end up in prison.

I wish I had nearly psychic powers of persuasion

 

[Stu]

Granted, but you end up persuading a beautiful, recalcitrant artist to open up to you and when she does you become enthralled with the vibrance of her being, so much so that you forget to be persuasive and she grows bored, dumping you for some "alone time"( which she really does all by herself). You collapse into the emotional jelly from which you came, never to stand and walk among woman and men again.

I wish for the physical stature of an Olympian

 

[just me]

Granted, but you end up persuading a beautiful, recalcitrant artist to open up to you and when she does you become enthralled with the vibrance of her being, so much so that you forget to be persuasive and she grows bored, dumping you for some "alone time"( which she really does all by herself). You collapse into the emotional jelly from which you came, never to stand and walk among woman and men again.

I wish for the physical stature of an Olympian

Go back a few years and start training.

I wish you had more time. quoted

 

[SlowUpTake]

Granted, he has more time, he become an Olympic Boxer and you cut him off at a crosswalk in your car while he is skipping rope, He misunderstands your offer of apology and hits you in the nose so hard that you can not remember who you are.

I wish I could remember all of my dreams.

 

[the]

Granted, he has more time, he become an Olympic Boxer and you cut him off at a crosswalk in your car while he is skipping rope, He misunderstands your offer of apology and hits you in the nose so hard that you can not remember who you are.

I wish I could remember all of my dreams.

You do remember all your dreams and they were all wet dreams. You are constantly ejaculating everywhere you go.

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and 64 impala.