Yeah, hopefully the pinball is going to bounce through the entire maze, as it were, and you'll reach the "goal", where you'll conclude that emptiness was a given, despite success achieved or being achieved. As for me, I've become addicted to feeling empty and missing something.
I have been on the something-is-missing treadmill for a while now. It's beginning to seem like a good thing. I don't always feel like something is missing, of course. Sometimes, I can be extremely satisfied, in fact, even when people around me are pining and biting their nails -- sometimes over the minutest of things.
Yeah, I feel ya there. hwell: It's difficult to even find where to start when you're finally able to convince yourself to start the exploration, and then as you go along you find aspects of yourself you would have never expected to find hidden within you... and which are easier to keep that way, than to let them out into the open. I know I have a lot of exploration to do - I've allowed far too much to remain brushed under a rug. Out of sight, out of mind, I suppose. It's inspiring to hear that you have the courage to delve into the deeper depths of your personality and grapple with what you find.
I'm kind of the same, too - there's always this polarity in my mood and motivation. I don't know why. Sometimes it makes it worse, the ups and the downs, rather than just being down all the time - because when you're up, there's a longer distance to fall, and when you do... there can be a bit of a crash. :[ But ah well, such is life. You haven't said too much at all.
Of course! There's no need for a thanks. Thank you for sharing, and for accepting a friendship request from my zany self. :lol: