Communication

I have written a few stories (Incomplete), and apparentlly I am a really good writer? I never thought of myself as one.

I feel more capable with communication in person, one on one. It feel like I can get my point, opinions, feelings, ideas, ect. across much more efficently.

I don't see myself as a diplomatic person. However, I do see myself as a mediator. I have actually done that kind of thing ever since I was a little kid. I felt terrible for people who had a petty dispute over something or another. So, without asking, even if I did not know them very well, I would start to go back and forth between each person, trying to fix the problem and make them happy with each other again. I did this in preschool even. One of many things that made me "unforgetable" even 15 years later (the biggest was me pulling down the fire alarm, ha!).

Other peoples speaking and such can effect me pretty strongly, but it depends on what it is. More then anything, it is how someone says something that will effect me. Usually it just makes me form opinions about them. But if it is something directed to me, and it is said in a certain way, it can effect me emotionally very strongly

 

My INFJ sister is Public Relations Manager for a large company so yup, I'd say it's one of her strengths. Verbal and written, prepared or spontaneous (although prepared is preferred).

 

Apparently as a small child, verbal communication came VERY easily to me, and I had a great passion for it. By the time I was 10 or so, my most natural communication form shifted to writing, and it has remained there for the rest of my life. I really prefer to email rather than talk on the phone at this point.

I can communicate very fluently verbally, and I'm hyper-aware of tact & diplomacy. I also try to intuit what I probably should or shouldn't attempt to discuss with the person I'm talking to. I have an absolute horror of being misunderstood or misinterpreted so I tend to communicate more rather than less as a matter of course. Free translation: I can talk your ear off if you encourage me. If you don't, I'll say just what needs to be said and hold back the rest.

My mother encouraged both my written and verbal communications and gave me lots of feedback on it; my father/stepmother were just the opposite, including being very critical of my natural way of expressing myself, i.e. making good use of an extensive vocabulary, including details, etc. I think in my case my communication skills were a case of balanced Nature and Nurture, since I started doing it naturally and my mother (primary caregiver) was also highly articulate, polite and considered in her communication style and encouraged me along the same lines.

Other people definitely do affect how I communicate verbally. If I get a blank look, I'll assess what I'm doing wrong (too abstract? eccentricity? words not in common usage? English not first language? inappropriate for the age of the person I'm communicating with?) and make every effort to adjust my communication to their needs.

 

I think I'm too wordy and need to be more concise in my writing. I may even be a tad redundant as well. Writing keeps me sane, though. Were I not able to have regular conversations with myself on paper, I think I'd go mad. haha. When I actually speak, though-- I'm pretty to the point and have a habit of being quite frank, though I think I'm tactful because I usually don't speak much if I have ill feelings in the moment. I just find it impossible to "sugar-coat" things.

I read somewhere that INFJ and INTJ have this in common: They both usually don't care what other people think of them. I think in my communication, this is pretty true. If you ask me a question, be sure you want to know the answer. haha.

Conflict, is different though. I shut down communicatively during a serious-heated conflict and literally cannot speak for fear of making it worse or saying something emotionally devastating to the other person. Does anyone else do that?

 

Always. If I'm not doing it, I've been pushed beyond the limits of my patience, which doesn't happen often, because I have a LOT of patience. Even then, I'm still choosing my words with a lot of care, but I'm shaking all over when I choose them and sometimes a few sharper ones slip through.

 

haha I shiver or shake when I am in a "fight." And if I do give in to my acid tongue, I feel almost ill about it afterwords. I wasn't like that when I was a kid or a teenager or even about a year ago. It's prob. within the last year that I avoid conflict at all costs. If my ultra-conservative mom (who relishes in a good argument or verbal jousting haha) and I start to get into it about politics, I say goodbye and go home and then can't sleep unless I call and make sure she's not angry. Hahah.. I suppose that makes me something of a wuss.

 

I hate conflict as well. The only thing that will make me raise my voice is when I feel I have completely exhausted the avenues of soft-spoken, concise conversation. This rarely happens (although it was a bit more frequent when I was in the Navy). I never feel better afterwards because I just worry about having hurt the other person's feelings.

In terms of the OP, I'm a better written communicator than a verbal one, but I think I am a fairly adept oral communicator. My speaking abilities do vary a bit with the audience, but I find I'm acting more consistently regardless of who I am with as I get a bit older. I don't know if my environment was particularly diplomatic during my childhood. I don't remember ever not being the way I am.

 

If you're a wuss merrytrees, then so am I. And I don't really think I'm a wuss.

I can stand up and say what needs to be said when it needs to be said... I've done it enough to know I've got the courage for it. But I think a lot of the time conflict that will lead to a wound (ours or theirs) can be avoided by doing exactly what you described with your mom: Walking away.

I try very hard to recognize the difference between the big stuff and the small stuff. I'll walk away from minor conflicts more often than not (though like you I'll still feel a little sick and inwardly fretting) and save my energy for the major ones.

I really hate fighting

 

Yeah. I prob. shouldn't have used the word "wuss" haha. I just mean, I don't think I'm at a point in my communication maturity to be able to mediate conflict and work through it to alleviate it. Instead, I just leave. Anyways...

So MoneyJungle, how do your speaking abilities vary depending on your audience?

 

likewise, i am also prior navy...

i express myself better in writing... but also my oral communication skills are well developed...

it doesn't happen often... but i also won't hesitate to express my views also...

... in oral communication, i also put aside the things that could potentially hurt someones' feelings...

 

I got my Associates Degree in Communication and I've received some scholarships and whatnot for things I have written.

However, verbally...not so much. I remember once when I was asked to present an award in front of some 2,000 people. It was a disaster.

I like to have time to formulate my thoughts and pick the perfect wording. Verbal can be a little too off the cuff for me at times.

 

Good question. I think a lot of my comfort level depends on the urgency of my message, which varies by audience. I am most comfortable throwing out ideas that are to be taken or left at the discretion of the audience, which usually implies a more casual setting. As the formality and urgency of my message grow, I tend to stutter, lose my train of thought and pretend to have be finished before I get my main ideas across. I guess the audiences for casual messages are acquaintances and the more formal messages tend to be directed at strangers. So in this way, I am like most people.

 

This is bad for me too ^^


Uggh confrontation from an angry person is no good. Competing though is where I let go. As for being a wuss I have taken my fair share of beatings from ruffians, and still get up after they are done and drink with them, its weird, I even look right at them and say "man that was uncalled for, I think we you need another drink" and pass them the bottle hahahah. Most of the time I do nothing or say nothing to bring this onto me.


Though I communicate best when the attention is solely put on me, like for a speech or when I asked a question in class.

 

Yeah, I think that's pretty common, MoneyJungle. And yes, Spuddy, it is definitely more interesting to become friends with "enemies" it makes for a more dynamic relationship!