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Children

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Phoenix Down, Aug 2, 2010.

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  1. Phoenix Down

    Phoenix Down Permanent Fixture

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    So there are many reasons why people might want children.
    To take on the family name, take over the family buisness, to take care of them when they get old (the hope is they won't dump you into a home),etc...

    If you're being REALLY honest, you'll say its your secondary goal after survival... to propagte the species.

    Anywho it doesn't stop there once you've had the children, what's next is to ensure the survival of your offspring. Which takes many forms....

    Which is what I always find funny. The expectations people have for their children...likethis one time a questionaire was floating around the school asking proplr how many children they wanted to have. People were including gender as if they could choose. :p...

    we often have dreams for our children and how they'll turn out.

    For instance I plan to give my child a violin as soon as (he/she) is able to stand. (If I have four, I'll have myself a string quartet :) ) In hopes of making them future awesome people that play stringed instruments... think of all the other children thinking just how awesome they are :p (I actually just like music a lot)

    Some people might critisize me for expecting my children to be honor roll string players telling me I'm restricting their personalities, but is it really bad to give your children somthing to work at so that they can know what success and as a result give them self esteem and all that crap?

    Soooo here's a silly questionaire
    Do you want children?
    How many?
    Genders?
    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    are you going to invest much in their education?
    "Education"?
    Anything else you would like to include?

    Do you like babies?
     
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  2. Holden On

    Holden On Community Member

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    I'll have a go at this...

    Do you want children? Yes

    How many? 2-3

    Genders? One of each; if there's a 3rd I'd prefer a girl (just because I have several girl names that I like and not as many boy names :) )

    Would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? No way!!

    What do you hope your child's interests will include? Music, language, Ren Fest :)

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ? Well, I'd like to raise my kids bilingual, if not trilingual. I'm trying to decide if my French is good enough to speak that to them, and let my husband speak English to them, or if I'd just screw them by teaching them French-with-an-American-acccent. :p Otherwise, I'd want them to go to a bilingual nursery school/daycare and possibly immersion school later on. I'd also like to employ a bilingual babysitter (or au pair, even, if that is financially feasible for us, though I doubt it will be). I want to start them on music lessons young, as well. I'd also like to raise them at Ren Fest (I mean, I want them to grow up spending time with me there on the weekends during the run, not like I want to follow the circuit or anything). I want to teach them tolerance, respect for diversity, and social justice. Of course I also want to instill in them the importance of eating well and getting enough exercise, studying, being kind to others, etc etc... the things we all want to teach our kids.

    How old do you want to be when you have kids? 30, hopefully, when the first one is born :) Ideally 2-3 years age difference between the kids.

    Are you going to invest much in their education? I'd like to be able to fund their college (undergrad) education, as much as possible.

    Do you like babies? Yes, but I like toddlers more. I'd even be willing to skip the whole baby thing and adopt like a 1 or 2 year old, but adoption is expensive and my husband wants to pass on his genes, so I'll go along with that. :)
     
  3. Gaze

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    Do you want children?
    - Yes

    How many?
    - 2

    Genders?
    - 1 boy / 1 girl
    - or twins

    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    - nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    - curiosity about the world
    - appreciation for various types of literature and artistic/creative work

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    - Good manners / respect for self and others
    - Personal Accountability - working hard for their successes, and not blaming others for their failures
    - Self-discipline - hard work and sacrifice
    - Knowing expectations and boundaries

    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    - Considering the age i am and where i am in my life atm, the soonest i'd say is 35.

    are you going to invest much in their education?
    - yep, at least up to their Masters if i can afford it
    - they can study almost anything as long as they're willing to work at it while enjoying it

    Anything else you would like to include?
    - i'd like to have an open relationship with my kids, where they can talk to me about almost anything, but one in which they respect the parent/child relationship
    - As my parents told me, my main responsibility to you is to be a good parent, not your best friend

    Do you like babies?
    - They're cute
     
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    #3 Gaze, Aug 2, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2010
  4. testing

    On Holiday

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    I've already done this, does that count?

    Do you want children? Yes, but not as many as I did before I had them.

    How many? 2. It's the perfect number, unless you can afford nannie(s) If you have 3, then they start outnumbering you.

    Genders? Boys are best.

    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? Hell no.

    what do you hope your child's interests will include? I really was not prepared for all the fascination with swords and fighting. That was a shocker, in a big way. I am glad to say they love to read (or be read to). Mostly, they want attention and love. I'm not really picky about interests -- whatever they like.

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    I just try to teach them not to beat the daylights out of me or each other -- we use time outs for misbehavior, and though there is not one "method" that works in a foolproof manner, I think the foundation for any kind of parenting is love your kids. First, hold them a lot when they are babies, breastfeed if you can, make sure any kind of discipline is firm, gentle and consistent, and just generally be there for them. Pick your battles. For me the #1 priority is mutual respect. Some of the baby training methods I've seen employed by parents around me are harmful and force independence on extremely young babies much too early, and undermine the baby-parent relationship. Independence comes with time and should not be forced. For older children (approximately 2-12) I like 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas Phelan.

    How old do you want to be when you have kids? I was 33 when I had my first. It worked just fine.

    Are you going to invest much in their education? Yes, I plan to make college a given, and work with them at home currently. My 6-year-old can do multiplication and reads fluently!

    "Education"? Mostly when they ask. We do a lot of activities and experiences like going to the zoo and aquarium.

    Anything else you would like to include? Watch out for postpartum depression, it is a doozy. Colic is proof that God exists, because it is Hell. Also, there is no point in trying to potty train a toddler who is incapable of sitting still for 30 seconds. Potty training requires the ability to sit still as much as anything else. I never used any of the baby training methods that are popular -- they advise parents to let their newborns "cry it out" and tell parents that tiny infants are manipulating them. I think this does both parents and babies a huge disservice, and never used it with my children. Please don't have children if you think it will be always fun and easy, and that you will sit around on the sofa eating bon-bons while your children play contentedly at your feet. It doesn't work that way, and it will be about them, and their needs, not you and your needs.

    Being their parent is a calling and a privilege, not an ego trip, and it should be taken seriously and respected.

    Unfortunately, caregiving (for any age group) is not something that is always respected in our society, so, if having a lot of status, and being told what an amazing, powerful, hard-working person you are makes you happy, then you will be sad to find that people will tell you 1. parenting is easy, (it's not) and 2. that you are somehow unimportant, unintelligent or unambitious for doing it.

    Be prepared to hear this, and know it's not true. You are important to your children and your family (you are important to your family even without being a parent), and parenting requires you to learn things you never knew you never knew.

    Do you like babies? Yes, very much. They are soooooooooooooooo cute, and they smell good.
     
    #4 testing, Aug 2, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2010
  5. kita

    kita <font color=#990066>Regular Poster</font>

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    Do you want children? Yes.

    How many? At least one, probably not more than 4.

    Genders? I don't care, but I would probably feel I was missing out if I didn't have at least one of each.

    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? Of course not...

    what do you hope your child's interests will include? Music, but anything really, so long as they are interested in something.

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ? I'm a behaviorist, so I'll try to avoid positive reinforcement for negative
    behavior. This means ignoring a crying baby, unless I think they are hurt.

    how old do you want to be when you have kids? I wanted to be younger than 30, but its too late for that now.

    are you going to invest much in their education? Both time and money, as much as I can.

    Anything else you would like to include? When I think about my potential children, I really want to meet them. I can almost picture what they would look like, and that is what I think of when people ask why I want children.

    Do you like babies? Yes.
     
    #5 kita, Aug 2, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2010
  6. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    Do you want children? Yes
    How many? 3
    Genders? Two boys and a girl
    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? No, but I'd be extremely disappointed if I only had girls
    what do you hope your child's interests will include? History, reading, gaming, mythology, models/puzzles/building things hiking, camping and various outdoor activities. Most will be fine, just as long as they don't like dolls, makeup or other girly shit
    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ? Not entirely sure
    how old do you want to be when you have kids? Over 25, younger then 35
    are you going to invest much in their education? If I can send them to a good school then I will, if not then I'd try to teach them outside of school so they don't fall prey to the lack of education given by public schools
    "Education"?
    Anything else you would like to include? Please God don't give me only girls
    I was thinking that I'd name a boy 'Charles Morgan Lastname' and the girl 'Charlotte Morgan Lastname'. That way you can yell 'Charlie!!' and they'd both answer.

    Do you like babies? They are ugly, gross, messy and noisy things. Hate them
     
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  7. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    Do you want children? undecided
    How many? n/a
    Genders? both
    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? no
    what do you hope your child's interests will include? i'd hope they'd be creative and smart and interested in furthering humanity in some way, but i wouldn't force it on them
    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ? none
    how old do you want to be when you have kids? probably late 20's/early 30's
    are you going to invest much in their education? yeah
    Anything else you would like to include?
    yes, i don't believe we're here primarily for the survival and propagation of the species. not only because we've pretty much eliminated the possibility of our species NOT surviving by now, but also because i really believe that there has to be more to life than making more of us. this cycle of birth and death and birth and death has been going on for eons; it can't just be for the sake of continuing it indefinitely. otherwise, why can we think and breathe and feel? why aren't we just like every other species, like plants and animals and insects? that god or mere chance has given us a brain to conceptualize and revolutionize the world with our inventions can't have been incidental -there must be a further purpose to it.
    Do you like babies? yes, they're cute ;)
     
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  8. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Do you want children?
    I don't know. I don't have a definitive answer right now. I'm afraid of pregnancy and birth complications.. I blame that on seeing Steel Magnolias at a tender age! haha..
    My mom babysits a little girl who we've known since she was a newborn and I don't enjoy spending time with most children but she's great.. We went to pick blueberries last week and the pervading thought: 'It'd be nice to do this with my own daughter someday' popped into my mind. Gah. So I guess being a mother isn't really such a miserable thought to me.. but I'm definitely not interested in that happening for at least another ten years.



    How many?
    Anytime I've thought about it, only one child because I'd be the kind of parent who poured nearly all their energy into raising the child. But I happen to have a brother who is like a best friend to me, and I'd hope that would be the case if I had two kids.


    Genders?
    Girl.

    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    That's crazy talk.

    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    I don't care so long as it's not capturing and torturing small animals.

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    Self love, open mind and kindness and empathy for all living creatures.

    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    thirties.

    are you going to invest much in their education?
    I'd save money and they can have it for college or world traveling or a down payment on a house when they graduate. I'd just give them what I saved (if I can afford to save much) and hope they make a responsible decision.

    "Education"?

    I'd encourage it, but I'd also make it a point to educate them at home in fun ways that appeal to their individual interests.

    Do you like babies?
    I am willing to hold them for five minutes before proclaiming: "OK. I'm done with this now."
     
    #8 acd, Aug 2, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2010
  9. Lumi Spitsbergen

    Lumi Spitsbergen Community Member

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    Do you want children?
    Yes.

    How many?
    2-4

    Genders?
    Although I think boys are easier to deal with in many ways than girls, I will love my kids however they are born.

    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    There is a wrong gender?

    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    Traveling. Since I plan to travel as much as I can throughout my life, I hope my kids can enjoy it. Otherwise they will simply have miserable childhoods.

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    I plan on instilling a concept of morality and personal accountability in them. I plan to encourage them in whichever areas interest them, but force them to take art classes, some sort of physical activity, and music lessons if need be. I don't care whether or not they are extremely gifted or have talent, I just want to encourage them to expand their minds and practice different methods of thought from a young age.

    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    I'd say 30. This may change as time passes, and I'm young enough now to where I don't worry about it too much. In reality I'll probably look at where my husband and I are career-wise and what timing he was hoping for as far as kids are concerned. If I reach the age of 38 and have not married I will probably just start having children on my own.

    are you going to invest much in their education?
    YES.

    "Education"?
    Different children have different strengths, interests and learning styles.
    I grew up in a family of four kids and we all went to completely different high-schools and focused in the areas which interested us. While certain areas like math and english have always been subjects we were expected to stay advanced in, for the most part we were in incredibly different systems. We were encouraged to do whatever we loved in life, so long as we did it well, which is something I always appreciated about the way my parents raised us.

    Anything else you would like to include?
    Yes, I think it's more important than people realize to enroll their kids in good pre-schools early on. I don't mean you should stress out or place stress on your preschool kids (some of those preschools I think are far too stringent) they should still be able to play and be children. However, at that age most kids want to learn, and it's fairly easy to get them to exercise their minds early on in a non-stressful, fun, and productive way.

    Do you like babies?
    Yes.
     
  10. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    Do you want children? Maybe. At this point my life it's a big "HELL NO" but I'll reassess as my life goes on. Adoption looks better and better to me. We have way too many people on the planet, why should I bring in more when I can provide for those already here?
    How many? If I have kids, at the most two. One to replace each parent.
    Genders? Doesn't really matter.
    Would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? Errr, never.
    What do you hope your child's interests will include? Music, reading, and writing. I really won't care though, as long as they are active and productive
    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ? Empathy, kindness, and self-esteem.
    How old do you want to be when you have kids? As a dude it really isn't dangerous to have kids at any age, but personally I'd like early-mid 30s.
    Are you going to invest much in their education? Yes. I find education (be it college, trade-school, internships, you name it) to be very important. I don't define education as just school though, so I could see my savings for them go towards something that could be a big growing experience for themselves. Basically, I want to give my kid(s) a foundation to start their own life. What they do with it will be mostly up to them, with vetoing power residing in the parent's hands.
    Anything else you would like to include?
    I want to challenge my kids as they grow up to shake the notions of tradition and roles, and find a place that suites them best. I want to be the parent that can be approached when the kid messes up, deal out "punishment" in the sense of a learning experience, and be trusted by the child to be fair. I want to teach them to question things that don't make sense, and to create changes when things are wrong. I want to teach them to love themselves and others regardless of stereotypes or "flaws". Basically I want to teach them to be open-minded and thoughtful.
    Do you like babies? Meh. From a distance they're fine, but I get really nervous holding someone else's child. What if I drop it!
     
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  11. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    I think it's a good idea but if they hated it, I wouldn't push it much. I'd be more inclined to help them find out what their passions are rather than try and impose my own.

    Yes

    One at the moment.

    Didn't care

    Hah, no!

    Abstinence. :tongue:

    I don't know.

    Now.

    I will wnat them to do well and will work hard to try and make them enjoy learning but I'm not overly concerned about them being the best student etc.

    Yes, especially once they're a bit older but not yet toddlers.
     
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  12. Odyne

    Odyne ===========
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    Do you want children?
    Absolutely.

    How many?
    It's something I'll decide on with my partner. But, 3-4 sound good enough to me.

    Genders?
    Either gender is good. I hope I get at least one of each tho. :p

    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    Never!

    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    As long as they are healthy interests, I will support them 100%. Let it be art, science, sociology, music, anything!

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    Well, I'll surely encourage them to pursue knowledge and teach them its value. I'll pass on my values and manners in order to guide them to find their own. I'll take them on trips or have them travel around, so they could see the world and be open-minded about others and become accepting of differences. I'll encourage family time, so they could appreciate one another, and have love fill their hearts. Self-defense or sports will be encouraged to help them develop physically and maintain a good health. And of course, I will not limit them when it comes to choosing their career paths, but I'll help them and provide guidance to make reasonable decisions if they need it from me.

    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    Ideally, max 25, from the biological and physiological point of view. I'd rather if my partner was slightly older tho. Too young I know, but I very much want to be around and in good health when I have grandchildren. :D

    are you going to invest much in their education?
    Very much. It's the reason why I am working so hard right now and aspire to become financially secure.

    Anything else you would like to include?
    I worry sometimes that I might over do it, or might not do it the right way. I also worry that one day they'll forget about me (my own children!) once they take off each on their own path in life.

    One thing I'll try to make them understand tho, is that I'll love them till my last breath in this life.

    Do you like babies?
    They are cute, but I much rather they grow up quickly so I can talk to them. :tongue:
     
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  13. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Do you want children? - I want to adopt an heir. This world is overpopulated, I won't add to that strain.
    How many? - Two.
    Genders? - Male.
    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender? - I'm adopting, so doesn't matter. If I was to sire, I'd use morning after pill by way of baseball bat.
    what do you hope your child's interests will include? - Other than my religions "Required Teachings", I suppose adventure seeking.
    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ? - My religion will be my conditioning. Order of Shai Gar.
    how old do you want to be when you have kids? - Another few years.
    Are you going to invest much in their education? - I shall invest a lot of time, interest and curriculum building.
    "Education"? Order of Shai Gar.
    Anything else you would like to include? Nope.
    Do you like babies? - [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMWi7CLoZ2Q"]Delicious[/ame].
     
  14. eidelweiss

    eidelweiss Regular Poster

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    Do you want children?
    Maybe later; I'm scared to have them... responsibility and less fun time.
    How many?
    No more than two
    Genders?
    Preferably male.
    Would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    No, that would be stupid and I am sure I would love it anyway.
    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    Reading, exploring, making things, staying active..
    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    Encouragement and love, shame and control hurt your relationships with them.
    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    Around 30, maybe later but not too much.
    Are you going to invest much in their education?
    Time, support, college fund, traveling to learn.
    "Education"?
    Whatever is best for their gifts.
    Anything else you would like to include?
    Scared I will have Asperger's/ high functioning autism genius baby. My brother has Asperger's and my boyfriend does as well. Awesome but intimidating.
    Do you like babies?
    I have held many babies at my childcare job over these past months. I have only enjoyed holding one of them. I need to get better at babies so I am more comfortable. Maybe I like babies? Don't like crying ones when I don't know what they want.
     
  15. Lilchamor

    Lilchamor Regular Poster

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    Do you want children?
    I'm not sure yet. Maybe not. I'm just not that passionate about having kids right now. I think I do want kids someday, but don't ever want to be pregnant or in labor.
    How many?
    If I did have them, I'd want two so that they could each have a sibling.
    Genders?
    Both.
    would you give up your child if it came out the wrong gender?
    Well, I don't want to give birth, so he/she couldn't "come out wrong".
    what do you hope your child's interests will include?
    Whatever makes them happy, as long as it's not dangerous or illegal.

    What kind of "conditioning" do you plan to employ?
    Operant.

    how old do you want to be when you have kids?
    Early 30s AT LEAST.

    are you going to invest much in their education?
    I'm not sure; I haven't ever really thought about it. Certainly I believe that education is important, but I would also like them to be self-sufficient.
    "Education"?
    Sure.
    Do you like babies?
    Yes. Especially the cuddly ones. I used to work as an infant teacher, actually. And now I work with teenagers. I guess I like babies and teenagers the most, but don't like all that stuff in between as much. Not that I hate kids or anything. __________________
     
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