Broken Hearts | INFJ Forum

Broken Hearts

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Azure_Knight, May 18, 2009.

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  1. Azure_Knight

    Azure_Knight Community Member

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    Several questions:

    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?

    How did you deal with it?

    What did you learn from it?

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?


    I am interested in what others have to share about their thoughts and experiences.
     
  2. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    I want to reply to this thread and I will but I have to get some sleep before work tomorrow. When I get home I'll give you a detailed reply.
     
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  3. WickedPod

    WickedPod Community Member

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    I know my heartbreak might not have been the stereotypical one you were probably looking for. But, I haven't had it broken any other way.
     
  4. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?

    Yep! I've probably broken a heart or two as well.

    How did you deal with it?

    Hmmm. Lots of feeling sorry for myself. Oh and pining. I wrote a letter to this person and burned it.

    What did you learn from it?

    I learned that its important to not be so closed off to people. We exist in a limited frame of time in this life and that we need to have the courage to follow our heart's desire. Heartbreak conceals in it the opportunity for change and understanding.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?


    Not at this time.

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?

    Mostly that we are all flawed. It's unwise to put anyone on a pedestal.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?

    Well, I've broken one heart and had my heart broken once. I have to say that I when I broke someone elses heart, it hurt me the most. I was young (17) and foolish. Around the time when I hurt the worst from the regret of my action (age 21) I actually began to change a little bit. I started to get out of myself and interact with the world, grab life by the horns -- I had begun to perceive us as beings which exchanged energy with ourselves and our environment -- and i could read it and respond to it freely without being such a robot or emotionally attached to an action or word or phrase. For a person who was always interested in being concrete and trying to make sense of abstractions (where I could not I would dismiss them as illogical or irrelevant) -- I now perceived the world from an entirely abstract perspective. It was scary and wondrous. I had never thought that the word 'love' had any significance until then. I'd have to say it changed me for the better, at least at the time. Still i'm back to my same old self, however slightly more vash-like ^_^
     
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    #4 Zero Angel, May 18, 2009
    Last edited: May 18, 2009
  5. Eh18

    Eh18 Newbie

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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?

    Yes. The first girl I ever loved cheated on me quite a bit, and I never found out until we broke up. I never blamed myself, I most definitely blamed her. She was pure evil as I saw it, so it was quite easy to get over.

    The only other girl I ever truly loved broke my heart and smashed it into a million pieces last August.

    How did you deal with it?

    I'm still dealing with it. For months I tried to win her back every way I could... Now I'm trying to have a friendship with this girl, and frankly I think I'm breaking down inside. I don't know how to deal with it.

    What did you learn from it?

    Don't fuck up a good thing. Cherish what you have and don't take anything good for granted.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?

    Surface details.

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?

    Yeah... Lately though it's just a lot of cynicism I hope will fade away one day.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?

    I'm still not sure. I'm kind of in a place where I think that saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" is complete bullshit.
     
  6. poeticinfp

    poeticinfp Newbie

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    Yes. I wish I were still inexperienced, naive, and never tasted that BITTERsweet fruit of love.

    My very first broke my heart in one of the worst ways possible at the worst time in my life.
     
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  7. Eh18

    Eh18 Newbie

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    If only there were someway to turn off those emotions until you KNEW you had found someone you could spend the rest of your life with.
     
  8. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?
    Yes when I realized my marriage needed to end.

    How did you deal with it?
    I focused all my energy into reason. I became rigorously pragmatic and determined to make the choices that were the most reasonable ones to make. It helped stabilize the process which is a flood of different vantage points which can make one lose their footing quickly. Looking back it releases a lot of potential guilt.

    What did you learn from it?
    The unpredictability of life is best stabilized by consistent loving intent. Even though everything around me changed, my motivations never changed.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?
    I mostly need to let go and for privacy sake try to minimize discussions anyway. It's also hard to describe. When I love, it is with complete abandon.

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?
    Yes. I can survive more pain than I realized. I also learned that fearing pain limits my ability to love and so I have to let go and trust not simply that my love won't hurt me, but it is possible to survive if they do. I also see how people often do the best they can, but are limited in many ways. I see less reason to be angry at people for causing pain. It's like a domino effect people's behavior is primarily reactionary. I'm more sad for people overall in one way because of this.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?
    I have a better idea how strong I am. I also appreciate what good I have in my life now. I appreciate the moment because I know it will pass.
     
  9. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?

    Yes. By my then-15-year-old's son's descent into psychosis

    How did you deal with it?

    At first I was paralyzed with indecision, confusion and grief, but finally got him hospitalized, which was the first step on his road to recovery.

    What did you learn from it?

    To listen to my intuition and to act on it.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?

    Shortly after the events of 9/11/2001, my son stopped leaving his room, except under cover of darkness at night, and wouldn't allow anyone else to enter it. He refused to go to school. He stopped showering, brushing his teeth or hair and his only sustenance was Coke taken from the 'fridge on his nightly forays. In those nightmarish times I worked at night, writing at my computer and once I started leaving the lights in the living room off, he would risk sitting beside me in the dim lght of the computer screen. He would ramble incoherently for hours. I knew something was terribly wrong, but I didn't know what. I felt the son I had given birth to and raised for 15 years had disappeared; he was gone as completely as if he had died. I felt utterly helpless to do anything to help him or even reach him. The boy I knew was gone and I mourned his loss, though mourning wasn't very effective in dealing with what was happening.

    He'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 8, but this wasn't bipolar disorder. I called his psychiatrist, who agreed his behavior didn't match the symptoms of bipolar disorder, my son's "parity" diagnosis, and basically washed his hands of the matter. If I couldn't get the boy out of his room, there was no way to get him on a bus for two hours for the ride to see his shrink anyway.

    Finally I stumbled upon a listserv of women who were mothers of children with serious mental illnesses and when I described my experience with my son, one of them was kind enough to call and recommend a psychiatrist. In talking to this new psychiatrist, she said she thought my son needed to be hospitalized, which is what my "gut" had been telling me for a long time. With new direction and purpose, I made plans to have my son admitted to a nearby hospital with an excellent adolescent psychiatric unit. After a very dramatic night during which my plans fell apart and his psychosis worsened, he was finaly admitted to the hospital.

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?

    It changed my perception of having to deal with pain all on my own without help. I learned that even complete strangers can--and will--unexpectedly render invaluable aid. Perhaps most importantly, I learned not to lose hope in the face of apparent hopelessness and that there is healing even in the worst pain, that pain is the crucible that shapes us. Finally, I would say that every important thing I've learned in life has come from pain, not joy. That doesn't mean I can't embrace joy or beauty, but it is pain from which I learn. Although my son has made great strides in recovery, the boy I knew before the onset of his illness has never reappeared and there are still times I wonder what he might have been had he not become ill, but I this I know: I would never have had the chance to love and admire the man he is today, shaped by his own crucible; and I wouldn't have missed that chance for the world.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?

    I now am more willing to listen and act on my intuition. I am less likely to fear pain or grief because I know that is where life's lessons lay. Instead of dreading the next catastrophe, the next loss, I try to face each day, each moment for what it offers. I keep my heart open, allowing myself to feel, unencumbered by my fear of loss. And that, I think, is a good thing.
     
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  10. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Have you ever had your heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?
    The most intense heart-break was ending an abusive relationship, and realizing that the person I loved more than anyone didn't love me at all.

    How did you deal with it?
    Well, I went out with my friends and met new people all the time. (Since I had spent previous years marooned with my ex at his place.) So I took up an active social life. Next, I got a second job because I wanted to work myself to exhaustion when I wasn't partying my ass off, just to avoid the despair. Basically, a form of denial.. But I saved lots of money and was able to regroup pretty quick financially. I gained some semblance of confidence in these two things. Most importantly, I kept a journal and I wrote several times a day in it: exactly what I was feeling, exactly what I thought, and I also wrote about the progress I was making in getting my shit together.

    What did you learn from it?
    I learned that the only person in my life I can't live without is me, and that I have to take care of myself.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?
    What more needs to be said of it? I'll share the experience in a pm if you want though.

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?
    Oddly enough, it made me want to love people more and love them better. I took myself to task with my own issues and how I affected others, and became very self-aware in my interactions with people.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?
    For the better. I don't regret or resent any of it. I learned so much about myself and relationships.
     
    #10 acd, May 18, 2009
    Last edited: May 18, 2009
  11. thataway

    thataway Newbie

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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not figuratively of course) or something?

    Both someone, and something. I've also been the breaker.

    How did you deal with it?

    When something broke my heart, it pitched me into a deep, cold depression. I felt numbed head to toe and through to my organs. I was indifferent to schoolwork, to food, to the mundane tasks of the everyday, and it was increasingly difficult to find my favorite release: sleep. Eventually I came out of that place and moved on.

    When someone broke my heart (recent), my first reaction was shock at how bad it hurts. I had never loved anyone enough before to even have a heart to break, and it crippled me for a few days dealing with the initial acuteness of the feeling. It was totally novel, the antithesis of depression. Depression was static, frigid, catatonic. This was volatile, and eruptive. I felt like I was walking around the house spewing strong emotion everywhere, onto everything I touched. It reminded me of nausea.

    Weeks later the edge wore off a little, and the hurt was more manageable. The transition involved a lot of reflection, pages and pages of writing, and rationalization. For once I involved my mother in the whole thing. I wrote email after email to her, and this functioned almost as a release valve. At some point I realized I was completely exhausted. I accepted things as they were.

    What did you learn from it?

    That I can love like that. That pain (disappointment) is a natural life experience which everyone endures, often many times. And that it was worth it. I learned about myself, and I got to know an amazing individual. I have no regrets.

    I also came to realize how terribly I must have once hurt somebody else. Out of immature narcissism and neglect I was horrible and callous towards someone who deserved everything of me.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?

    The thing that broke my heart was a place - my first college. I ended my high school relationship of two years after transferring out. I felt so evacuated of emotion after that, that I wondered if I was at all capable of sustaining or feeling love for another. I met someone this past fall, my senior year of college, who showed me otherwise.

    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?

    The change had already occurred, really. I am both less naive than I once was and more open to people. But being open to people means being open to pain. I'll more than likely be hurt again, but I'm not as afraid of that as before, and I think it also increases my chances of making authentic connections. That's not to say I throw caution to the wind, however.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?

    For the better. I have a fairly hefty cynical streak, but it's tempered by a healthier overall outlook.

    This sort of sums it up:

    B: You mock my pain.
    W: Life IS pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

    ... and yet they find true love!

     
  12. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I would like to point out that I have a problem with this question. Specificly because you have mentioned that you do not mean 'heart broken' figuratively.

    According to The Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
    If this is not what you wanted to avoid, what sort of answer would you request? I would have to admit that I take the term "heart broken" figuratively. I would enjoy to hear a story about someone whose heart was broken literally, because that would entail a heart being in pieces; since the heart is such a vital organ in the body I would imagine survival or repair of a broken heart would be nearly impossible.

    If you could clarify this for me I will attempt to answer the question to the best of my ability.
     
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  13. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Oh slant.. yerr such a lil' pistol. I think he got literally and figurative mixed up in the moment.
     
  14. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I should get rep for being a pistol. I'm sick of the number being four, it needs to change pronto.
     
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  15. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    "Woo hoo guilt trip ahoy!"
     
  16. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Score!

    Hopefully my question will be clarified soon because I'd like to answer the questions but I don't know exactly what sort of answer the thread starter is wanting. This is why effective communication is so important!

    The only message that is important is the one that's received...
     
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  17. youngster

    youngster Community Member

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    yes

    not well

    be youself, (and they were wankers anyway!)

    what do you mean 'experiance'? one person imperticular decided he liked my friend more than me.

    yes

    better


    wll its hard to admitt and this is the first time i ever told anyone.
     
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  18. Hotherym

    Hotherym Community Member

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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone or something?
    Yes, horrifically, and recently. Three years of friendship, dreams, 'telepathy' and relationship, hard times and some scant but very good times, has come to a complete halt, probably for my life.

    How did you deal with it?
    I'm not. Well, I'm not dealing well, I'm ashamed to admit. Since I'm suffering from pretty bad PTSD already, combined with a collection of very profound grief from a series of very hard-hitting losses over the last 12 years, it's causing me anguish to the point it's absurd. I would be lying if suicide weren't often at the top of my list for ways to 'cope'.

    I'll get back to you when/if I get through this part. How's that?

    What did you learn from it?
    I don't think I've quite learned anything new. I have made some personal realizations, and re-realizations, but nothing of incredible importance. If it has done anything, at least for now it has further bashed any hope for having a stable, loving family, friends or anything else along those lines. Maybe in the future it'll teach me that being a hermit is the best compensation.

    Are you willing to share you experience of it?
    Sure, but I'd need more specific questions that that just sounds more boring for the other person than anything.

    Did having your heart broken change the way that you felt about people or pain?
    Well, as I said above, it has definitely knocked down my trust. I'm scared shitless to try in the future, and I'm even more terrified I'll never feel this again, because, in all honesty, I've never felt it before. It took me 26 years to finally feel 'right' with someone, only to have it completely smashed apart.

    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?
    It may be too soon to tell, but I definitely think so. This level of psychological suffering can't not change someone, and as my past losses have shown me.
     
  19. OP
    Azure_Knight

    Azure_Knight Community Member

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    I'm sorry, I was very tired when I posted. I mean having your heart broken figuratively. Thanks.
     
  20. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Have you ever had you heart broken by someone (not literally* of course) or something?
    Nope. I don't understand how this even happens.
    How did you deal with it?
    N/A
    What did you learn from it?
    N/A
    Are you willing to share you experience of it?
    N/A
    Did having your heart broken changed the way that you felt about people or pain?
    N/A
    Did it change you? For the better or for worse?
    N/A

    Wow, I'm a lot of help :)
     
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