There are sometimes when I feel as if I was watching my life through the eyes of another person because it is as if I had no emotions on things that go on with my life. From time to time I go and ride a roller coaster just to feel excitement and a sense that I'm really living. I thought it was because of the lack of interest but now I know it's not that but a lack of surprise. Nothing surprises me. I know what people will tell me, I know when someone will play a prank on me and when someone will betray me, so anything that happens I take it with not the slightest act of surprise. I see things go through, disasters occur and friends lost, and I don't have the minimum amount of regret, more shortly: I don't care. There are times when I have to fake a smile or laughter because I feel awkward when the vast amount of the people are laughing at a joke someone just told but I don't find it that amusing.Or when my friend tells me she misses me and I have to tell her "I miss you too" when in fact I don't feel the necessity to tell her the same. When this happens I ask myself "Do I really miss you?" just the thought in me sounds absurd because I do know I care about her but at the same time I could give a damn. I'm sure this is a thing just in me, I know I have issues and I need to sort them out, but it's taken a toll on me everytime I think about it and have to say to myself "what the #$#$ is wrong with you!