Being Drawn to People | INFJ Forum

Being Drawn to People

894tt3h9

894tt3h9

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Oct 3, 2009
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Do you ever feel drawn to people you don't know? Do you ever feel like when you see someone, you just HAVE to know them and you don't know why? And then, if you do connect with them, the conversation is easy, you get along exceptionally well and you find that you have a lot in common?

I get this feeling a lot. Many times it's people online, sometimes it's people IRL. Most of the time I don't follow through on that feeling, but the rare time I do, it seems to be a pretty incredible experience.

Back in 2004 I had joined myspace as a teen. At this time I knew little to nothing about social networking online and joined because a friend of mine had and she insisted I make a profile. I never had any intention of making new online friends or accepting friend requests or using the website in general. But of course I got swept up in it and ended up making some wonderful friendships.

However I never added people. I never looked for people to add to my friend list. I was perfectly content to have people come to me. But I remember specifically thinking one day that maybe I should do a bit of browsing because maybe I'll see someone I might like to talk to.

I came across this profile of a guy who was about my age. He lived over in Calgary while I was over in Ontario. His profile was close to empty, he had a few pictures up and that was it. But for some reason I felt like I HAD to talk to him. The feeling I got came over me so strongly that I ended up sending him a message and a friend request.

The next thing I knew, this guy and I were talking essentially all day every day. We ended up forming a fast bond. I discovered that he and I had the same kinds of anxiety attacks, and until that point I had never met anyone who had panic attacks. I had been having them for 6 years at that point and felt like no one understood. I felt like my whole universe opened up and I felt understood and accepted and it was incredible.

I went through a very dark phase where I was contemplating suicide. I had been suffering with the anxiety attacks and was having problems with sexual harassment from someone who I thought was a friend (long story that I'll skip for now). I was able to talk to (we'll call him SP) about this and I feel like he pulled me out of it. We were going to meet in person but it never ended up happening. And don't get me wrong, it wasn't all doom and gloom, but these are just the things that stood out most for me during that time.

After some time, he ended up moving away to another city for university and the communication between us came to a standstill. I had felt like I was repaired in some way and was so thankful for my life. He and I talked sporadically for a little while and then conversation stopped all together.

It's sad that we're no longer in touch and that our lives are completely separate now, but I can't help but think that maybe he was in my life specifically for what I needed him for and that after that, he wasn't meant to be anymore.

Do you have connections like that? I have felt that a couple of times since but haven't really followed through on it. I don't know if I want that kind of intensity in my life right now. Sometimes I crave it and I feel there's potential for it to happen, but I haven't followed through.
 
sandra_b said:
Do you ever feel drawn to people you don't know? Do you ever feel like when you see someone, you just HAVE to know them and you don't know why? And then, if you do connect with them, the conversation is easy, you get along exceptionally well and you find that you have a lot in common?

I get this feeling a lot. Many times it's people online, sometimes it's people IRL. Most of the time I don't follow through on that feeling, but the rare time I do, it seems to be a pretty incredible experience.
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Yeah. But i usually suppress the impulse to contact them because i don't want them to feel uncomfortable or seem imposing. And it would kinda feel weird if the interest wasn't mutual. So, i feel it but then usually let it go.

But you're right, it's an incredible feeling.
 
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Yes - I have feelings like that with people I don't know too. IRL - if I smile at them - they then think they know me from somewhere. When I tell them no - you don't - they then insist they do know me. Funny how sometimes I connect with people...

People in your life for a short time for a reason? Oh yes. I definitely agree with that. I call them "Change Agents". They act as catalysts to effect change in my life (if I don't resist) then they go on their merry way.

To me - this relates to that old saying "When the student is ready - the teacher will appear".

I thought your story was wonderful. And I really liked that you were grateful for him coming into your life for that time. What a gift for you. You were probably one for him as well. :nod:
 
I'd like to think I was helpful to him while he was going through some things. I have a strong counseling aspect to my personality. I tend to draw people to me like magnets. Mostly men who just need someone to take the time to recognize their feelings and help them open up. And then I go on my merry way. It's nice. Everyone gets what they need from that particular person at that particular time, and usually when you part ways there's no pain or regret involved. It's just an amicable drifting apart with no hard feelings.

Res, maybe you should try following through on those impulses. It doesn't have to be completely overt. It could be just as simple as a smile and a hello. That can go a long way for a long of people!
 
sandra_b said:
I'd like to think I was helpful to him while he was going through some things. I have a strong counseling aspect to my personality. I tend to draw people to me like magnets. Mostly men who just need someone to take the time to recognize their feelings and help them open up. And then I go on my merry way. It's nice. Everyone gets what they need from that particular person at that particular time, and usually when you part ways there's no pain or regret involved. It's just an amicable drifting apart with no hard feelings.

Res, maybe you should try following through on those impulses. It doesn't have to be completely overt. It could be just as simple as a smile and a hello. That can go a long way for a long of people!
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thx. maybe i should (if i can get up the nerve) ;)
 
haha well chances are if you feel it's awkward and uncomfortable, the other person will sense it. I think you'll be juuuuust fine!
 
Yea this happens to me. Can't say I understand it at all. Sometimes I just come across people and I know they are there to show me something. I try to pursue them but sometimes I get intimidated by the feeling of it. I donno, things like this make me think I'm just psycho.
 
lol you're not psycho. I sometimes feel like impulses are meant to be followed through on. Well...most of the time.
 
I am incredibly passive about the people-meeting. I tend to be the one that attracts people, and everyone feels like talking to me if either of us start up.

Like when I went to go get my eyes checked the other day I ended up striking up long conversations with 2 strangers who pretty much approached me first.

Haha, sometimes its bad though cause I attract crazies, pedos, creeps and the mentally disabled. Though sometimes I use my powers for good! //fist in the air. When I see someone strange harassing someone on the bus I say "hi" and now they're on me. I can usually handle it. One time I got this drunken hippie guy off one lady and found out where to get the best weed in the city, not that I can use that info but it was interesting.

Oh and the pedo part is odd, since I'm 24 now. I still attract those creepy, usually fat hairy sweaty gross men with missing teeth who like little girls.

EDIT: Okay, I know why, I looked at a picture of me when I was 15 and a picture of me now, I look the same o_o.
 
For sure, I meet kindred souls all across my life, some online. I have online friends whom I have known since I was 18, I am about to turn 30! lol I've met some, dated others, remained steadfast companions through time with others.

This happens easily online because there isnt quite as many distractions as when in person.
 
I have been infatuated with people before, not sure if that falls under the same category.

I am one of those that seems to want social relationships, but I am horrible (at best) at sustaining them. I think part of that plays into a bad self-image and avoident personality disorder. I sabotage myself in social settings because I worry so much about my image that I end up inadvertantly creating a bad one.

If there is someone that I have mild interest in meeting, it is bad enough, my emotions go a bit haywire with that let alone with someone that REALLY gets me nervous.

You know that guy that says awkward things all the time? Finding the perfectly wrong thing to say at the perfectly wrong moment, not even a funny awkward, just truly out of place and unnerving..?

Yea, that's me.

The only people that really get to know me are those that I deem as 'safe' which is a VERY comprehensive list of traits and conditions.
 
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sandra_b said:
After some time, he ended up moving away to another city for university and the communication between us came to a standstill. I had felt like I was repaired in some way and was so thankful for my life. He and I talked sporadically for a little while and then conversation stopped all together.
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I endured a similar thing (albeit at a young age.) I grew up with this girl pretty much from about 6 years old to 16 years old, and naturally by the end of that time I had some pretty strong feelings going on. Still, she moved away... and then spent a year in germany (student exchange). During that time we wrote a lot... afterwards, she just vanished.

I'm not sure I've ever completely recovered; This is almost relevant to your question since, in the time that followed, I feel drawn to people who have similar (if not identical) qualities to her. Whether that is healthy or not is wholly debatable; but I can say that I understand the impulse to want to know specific special people.
 
Sometimes when I'm bored on the train I will see someone interesting and in my head I will create a whole personality and backstory to them.
 
Res said:
Yeah. But i usually suppress the impulse to contact them because i don't want them to feel uncomfortable or seem imposing. And it would kinda feel weird if the interest wasn't mutual. So, i feel it but then usually let it go.
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I do much the same; Perhaps there's this girl with a huge and genuine-seeming smile behind the counter selling me my wheat thins; on a rational level, it occurs to me that it should be perfectly fine and complimentary to say she has a lovely smile; my irrational side says 'that'll scare her, leave her alone.'

I rather dislike my irrational side, mostly because it seems to win every time.
 
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~jet said:
I do much the same; Perhaps there's this girl with a huge and genuine-seeming smile behind the counter selling me my wheat thins; on a rational level, it occurs to me that it should be perfectly fine and complimentary to say she has a lovely smile; my irrational side says 'that'll scare her, leave her alone.'

I rather dislike my irrational side, mostly because it seems to win every time.
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Yeah. I had some awkward moments ;) in the past, so i really don't fancy the idea of approaching anyone even if i'm very drawn to them. I've learned quite a bit from my more awkward phases. And so admiration from afar is perfectly delightful in my books.
 
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Res said:
Yeah. I had some awkward/embarrassing momentitos ;) in the past, so i really don't fancy the idea of approaching anyone even if i'm very drawn to them. I've learned quite a bit from my more awkward phases. And so admiration from afar is perfectly delightful in my books.
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Sure, but then I put myself in my shoes (heh) ... if someone were to come up to me and say something positive, I would not take it negatively (i don't think, anyways.) So why I assume everyone else will... yeah. I don't know about me.
 
This is a curious phenomenon. I'll have to pay attention to this possibility.
 
What is fascinating to me is the argument I have with myself about whether or not the other person is having the same feeling and if they are, do they know that I know that they know...

It's an intense moment and sometimes lasts for a little while for me, even when they are gone.
 
Yep, I have this same feeling of being drawn to people. Even in this forum I have that, except I'm constantly trying to suppress my urge to seem too obvious that I'm interested. I wouldn't want to be seen as a creeper. lol
 
hahaha I have the same problem Last Dawn. I get overwhelmed by the "drawn to" feeling sometimes. I try to keep my mouth shut because I am sure not everyone has experienced that feeling and the last thing I want is to look like some creepy girl stalking people online lol. Because that's the furthest thing from the truth!
 
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