Being a Male INFJ...

[ashishkk]

Being a Male INFJ...
1.Misunderstood
2.Depressed

 

[thirdhalf]

I found it difficult growing up. Society dictated that it was not 'normal' for me to act the way I felt and always was walking the edge of being a girly boy in the eyes of my peers. Having feelings or liking love stories were girly somehow. Bunch of bullshit. But kids will be kids, some pick on others and some get picked on and I was one who got picked on. Over the many years of school I took on the outward persona of what you would consider a typical INTJ and it is practiced enough that I do alright on the logic/reason/thinking side of things. An observant person back then would see right through that persona and to who I am inside but few were observant enough. These days, I try to be me, still well practiced on the logic/reason/thinking but I don't hide behind it anymore. I don't think it is nearly as bad in today's views as it was when I was growing up, but it definitely can be a hard path to walk being in the position in that the way you are does not fit in.

 

[MegaPixelMusic]

I didn't have any great male role models in my life and so I just meander about doing my own thing, not really realizing I was acting differently really. I sort of suspected I guess... at my best I have a sort of I'm above all the systems around me sort of vibe to myself. Being physically clumsy with various unknown learning disabilities... sort of set me up to be inherently noncompetitive.

I don't want to make myself feel better than anyone else... or on the flip-side make someone else feel worse. I just want to be and go about my business doing everything the best that I can.

When I observe most men act, it all looks like a show... a complete fabrication. For example stupid stuff like making a mistake, and then claiming that that is the first mistake you've ever made. Having someone make a claim about something good they have done, and then automatically respond to make yourself look better. All the little white lies about performance and oneupmanship... I see past all that to the frail core that most men are carrying...

I'd rather be natural and completely myself while at the same time being comfortable with that, and being comfortable with all the little insecurities and humility that comes with being so small in a vast universe that you could never possibly know. If I'm unsure about myself because I'm unfamiliar... well that's just going to happen... and I want to be okay with that and move on.

The issue is without that pseudo-confident manly shell being put out there, I can see how that makes others uncomfortable. So then it all feedbacks on me and I start to lose even more confidence. The only solution is to be really relaxed or have lots of experience in these various situations... if I can attain that without crumbling in the situations.

I have a constant yearning to just chat what's on my mind with others... the strong silent type always seemed like an enigma to me. How could someone be so self assured of their world without talking to other people. I'm constantly asking questions to everyone I meet... and that just seems inherently unmanly. Curiosity is the domain of children I guess...

 

[MrSquared]

I flew well under the radar as a kid, due to some rebellious older siblings. This enabled me to control quite a lot of my own destiny, as well as overthink and underachieve as I pleased.

Now as an adult, I find that my life is made up of a few things all melded together to become an amalgamation. And those components are: Faith, overthinking, reevaluating, self loathing, acts of service, teaching others, creative thought, and grilled cheese.

 

[agent3]

A thread similar to this may have been done before but honestly I'm too lazy to look. So for other male INFJ's what do you believe are the pros/cons of being an INFJ? For me it has a lot of negatives and some positives. I feel like it puts me at a disadvantage mostly in the professional world because everyone around me is more aggressive about getting ahead while I stay in the background. It also sucks being so emotional as a guy. But on the other hand I do enjoy the fact that I see things in ways other guys don't, and the fact that I'm more in tune with myself than other people seem to be. Thoughts?

The major disadvantage is that no one can know your perceptions of the world around you. Basically your views are only kept within. It is like Buddha being in a world of mortals.

 

[Pin]

Honestly, I feel like being a man has a kind of formula.

You lift weights, study, join the military, become a general. Become Head of State.

That's life.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Honestly, I feel like being a man has a kind of formula.

You lift weights, study, join the military, become a general. Become Head of State.

That's life.

For four millennia, baby!