Blase
Regular Poster
- MBTI
- INF J/p
I'm not really an atheist, at least not by name, not yet, but I feel like I've become increasingly close to the border. In the past two years since I've graduated from my Catholic high school, I've had more freedom to think for myself, and have grown increasingly skeptical of the Catholic faith. For a while I tinkered with the ideas of deism, pantheism, and panentheism, but I'm starting to feel like I'm just trying to create a god where there may be none. But anytime I try on the concept of "there is no God" its like my train of thought instantly goes down this analytic funnel dissecting my identity into the electro-chemical reactions of membrane-bound, genetically constructed accumulations of organic chemicals called neurons. I start to believe that nothing has meaning, that meaning is only created by the human mind, but doesn't exist, just like god doesn't exist if the atheist paradigm is correct. If nothing has meaning, then I have no reason to make any decision, or to exist at all, and it keeps me from doing anything except trying to distract myself until I forget about atheism for a little longer.
If you're an atheist, or even an agnostic, I'd like some help. Have you always a non-believer? If not, when did you change your mind? How do you get by while thinking that you're nothing but a soulless accumulation of matter? Doesn't it get you down? How do you justify your existence? How do you make your life meaningful if you don't believe that meaning exists? I feel like I can't turn back to religion even if I wanted to, but I'm afraid of being an atheist.
If you're an atheist, or even an agnostic, I'd like some help. Have you always a non-believer? If not, when did you change your mind? How do you get by while thinking that you're nothing but a soulless accumulation of matter? Doesn't it get you down? How do you justify your existence? How do you make your life meaningful if you don't believe that meaning exists? I feel like I can't turn back to religion even if I wanted to, but I'm afraid of being an atheist.