Are you really annoyed by ESXPs? | INFJ Forum

Are you really annoyed by ESXPs?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Honey, May 13, 2010.

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  1. Honey

    Honey Regular Poster

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    Have any of you guys who have had close contact with ESXPs felt almost irrationally annoyed by them?

    I am having quite an unpleasant experience around being around an ESXP I work alongside and it is no exageration to say that I have never been so annoyed by another human being in my whole life.

    You would think he was doing some big horrifying thing but the things he does to annoy me are very simple and seemingly petty but rather effective. Like certain aspects of my job requires quite deep quiet and concentration and while I am trying to focus he would suddenly do something like fake cough loudly or make these sorts of high pitch primitive sounds which really, really unsettles me; sometimes he seems to subtly turn his head in my direction and make these sounds which seem to penetrate deep into my being and upset my whole balance and focus and they make me quite irrationally angry and confused feeling for many hours after.

    I am not sure why but I have the odd strong feeling of wanting to just lose control and attack him physically such is the level of my anger. I feel like I have to exercise almost super human self control around him but at the same time I have an odd sense that he is battering and abusing me somehow. He denies doing anything deliberately and it is hard to prove what he doing is deliberate and this is why I have not acted strongly against him yet. However, I think it might be time I did something in a controlled manner before I really lose it.

    His bahavior in this regard is very frequent but very unpredictable. He is highly attention seeking in general and he hates when the focus of others is not on him and does all in his power to get their attention. I work mainly with introverts and he tends to have a draining effect on all of us in one way or another. I am afraid I cannot give him any attention at all because I find him incredibly dull and when I have to deal with him at all I intuitively feel like I am dealing with a lower uncivilized life form and it is not even like me to get feelings of superiority, I often get that vague feeling when I have to deal with ESTPs in particular even when they are just being normal and I have nothing against them.



    Has anyone got any advice or have successfully dealt with these people before?
     
  2. Feelings

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    Zero clue how to deal with it. Somebody who's good with children might have some idea (serious).

    I like ESFPs because they are a cheery bunch but I can only spend so much time around them because I need quiet. The person you're referring to is obviously not the average ESFP though.

    I get really mad myself when somebody is disrupting my sleep with noise. Like, really REALLY mad.
     
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  3. the

    the Si master race.
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    What do you do for a living? Maybe if all te introverts banded together to complain you could get rid of him.
     
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  4. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I don't know if this would work, but maybe, every time he does this, make a point of standing up and leaving the room. Take a little time to regain your composure before going back in. If anyone questions you on this, explain why you're doing it. Better than hitting him, which is what I might also be tempted to do. It would be hard for me to accept it wasn't a deliberate behaviour, but maybe he has Tourettes syndrome or something?
     
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  5. Matariki

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    Iv'e some really cool ESFP's (one of my friends is one) and ESTP's but most of the time I deal with the ones who make my stomach feel sick. I spent a year at art school (ended up leaving) with two middle aged women, a ESFJ and a ESFP (she got on my nerves the most) who both thought they were the new picasso.
    Neither of them could draw to save themselves and all they talked about was sex and gossiping about other class members. I actually remember one time aprroaching them and screaming at the top of my lungs "Can't you talk about anything intelligent such as quantum physics?!" Then they started picking on me and how my attitude needed changing so I told them to go fuck themselves and left the course. At least the INTJ's of the class that I was in received some long needed humor.

    Is it wrong of me to say that most ESTP's remind me of this Chimp;

    [​IMG]

    Tell him to shut up and take a hike. You're trying to work, if he continues to be a pain in the ass take his behind up to mangament and encourage the rest of the team to do so, if he continues to be annoying.
     
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    #5 Matariki, May 13, 2010
    Last edited: May 13, 2010
  6. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    They are attracted to me like moths to a flame. And my boyfriend is one of them (ESTP) so you could say that I do have some experience with them. :D

    What is going on between you two could be one of two things, either he likes you, and he wants to get your attention, or he is just one of those people who are purely attention seekers and tend to latch on those that seem to give off a vibe that their disruptions are getting to them.

    Now, if you don't really know him and can't be sure of his motives I'd recommend that you give him some attention and try to get to know him. He might not be that dull as you think of him at all. For some reason among those that are highly different than them it seems that they almost on purpose project that uncivilized mask, I still haven't figured out why but they sometimes do.

    He might turn out to be a great guy who will acknowledge your needs for the cost of some attention.

    And one more thing that I've noticed is that although they are really good at picking up behavior and attitudes of people in their surroundings they sometimes tend to misread that aloofness of INFJs at work for being in the bad mood, and although his behavior is a distraction to you, he might be just trying to cheer you up in their childish like manner.
     
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  7. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I'm going to take a different approach here - and I agree with SC in some regards. My mother is an ESTP for the most part (kind of iffy on the E) and sometimes she'll annoy me because she won't recognize my space. She had to know me for about thirty years before she began catching when I was annoyed, and it started with me telling her outright.

    Have you spoke to this guy and told him you find his behavior annoying? Have you ever set him down and had a conversation with him? What's obvious to us is not obvious at all to extroverts, and ESxx folks in particular need someone to sit them down, look them straight in the eye, and tell them EXACTLY how another feels. From what I see, they don't "get" the physical cues that well and many speak before they think.

    Think of it this way as well: This guy is the lone extrovert in a land of introverts. You know how hard it is for *us* to get along with a room full of extroverts; imagine the opposite. He needs/craves human contact and the human connection and he probably hates that working environment. So he's trying to do something to "lighten up" the place because he thinks the atmosphere needs lightening up.

    I seriously doubt he's actually doing it to make you feel bad. More than likely he just doesn't get it. Or, as SC said, he might actually like you. Kind of like how boys in third grade will chase and tease little girls because they like them.
     
  8. the

    the Si master race.
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    Think of it this way as well: This guy is the lone extrovert in a land of introverts. You know how hard it is for *us* to get along with a room full of extroverts; imagine the opposite. He needs/craves human contact and the human connection and he probably hates that working environment. So he's trying to do something to "lighten up" the place because he thinks the atmosphere needs lightening up.


    This ^^^
     
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  9. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    Quite harsh intro of the problem... Yes, I can see this happening.

    Maybe he is to be advised to find himself another activity which is better suited for his extrovertness. Of course, such statement would be hard to present to him...

    As ENFP I tend to get along well with ESFPs when we are doing something party/extroverted together; they are a lot of fun. You may be surprised, but they can also be smart and creative on problem-solving. They've also saved me a few times from trouble. Yes, they can be compassionate and helpful friends; and doing it with free spirit without asking for anything in return.

    For me the biggest problem with ESFPs is their 'dark side' which is like a very immature INTJ demon, who when expressed would make them excessively cruel. I mean, such cruelty would not be possible for a real INTJ. However, it's always very short-lived, and then they are like fluffy cute bunnies again.
     
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    #9 enfp can be shy, May 13, 2010
    Last edited: May 13, 2010
  10. OP
    Honey

    Honey Regular Poster

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    I take you seriously on this. He really does behave like a small child testing boundaries and trying to provoke responses.

    Tell me about him seeming not to pick up physical cues very well. However I think ESXX sensors do actually pick up on physical cues very keenly but they often don't know what those cues mean. As Siamese cat mentioned about some attention seekers, he really does look for a response to his actions.

    I actually have very little empathy for his situation because he can easily find another job should he choose to look elsewhere.

    He has great persistence in general and I think he believes that he will bend us to his will eventually, it seems he has this remarkable and persistent ambition to try to control others overall and he seems to think of himself as being entitled to a great deal of respect for something which is just not clear. It is clear and obvious to all of us that his persononality is just not suited to the job environment.

    I like your empathy and I do know that extroverts need lots of people contact but I believe in personal responsibility and not being a parsite on others and trying to force and manipulate them into interacting with you and doing what you want them to do at great expense to themselves and the job at hand.
     
  11. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    I live with an ESTP and have known him for a decade or better...The rule of thumb with him is this


    99.9% of what he says is for shock value and generally false.

    he is the ultimate social chameleon. and can blend into any type well...Remember that the ESTP's shadow is INFJ...SO by deduction you should have enough in common to deal with it. Call out his BS and laugh about it...

    He is also VERY aggressive, and VERY gender role explicit...the Female ESTP will be very feminine and smart, while the Male will be the epitome of cliche male. NEVER emasculate them.

    Now the one I know is a child trapped in a mans body, and would eat cans of chili cold if it weren't for having a wife. Try approaching him as you would a child with out patronizing him.

    I can tell you from experience he DOESN'T realize hes doing these things NOR does he understand how they affect you. Again like I said about the ESTP I know...he is a child If you dont tell him exactly what to do at least three times it wont get done. If you dont tell him whats bothering you in the most straightforward way imaginable he doesn't get it.

    Logic is the best weapon against it.

    So hes making those noises. Politely say
    "Please be quiet"
    Again noises
    Patiently again "Please, be quiet" with a little more force, but not much.
    Again noises...
    "Joe, please be quiet." again slightly more forceful, and using their name to get attention.
    Again noises??!!
    "OK, I have now asked you three times to be quiet. It seems to me you are intentionally provoking me, and I would appreciate it if you stopped."

    You have to provide PROOF that he is acting that way or he wont see it!
     
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    #11 Entyqua, May 14, 2010
    Last edited: May 14, 2010
  12. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Yes when they get histrionic.
     
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  13. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Still, in all of this, even if you think he knows - pretend he doesn't and tell him the truth to his face. I've heard it said before: We expect them to read our minds. Well, they don't. Sometimes they can't. If you don't speak up, then expect more of the same. Not everyone understands unless you tell them.

    And if you don't tell them, don't expect them to "follow the rules."
     
  14. OP
    Honey

    Honey Regular Poster

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    Hotkebab, lol

    Elf, what you suggested (walking out) is what I am having been trying to do but I have not been doing it with consistency and I think that I might have to pay some attention to that for a while.

    Uberrogo, I work in a competitive environment but his behavior is so annoying and over the top now that I think the others might be williing to get together now to do something about the situation.

    Siamese cat, I hope your relationship with the ESTP turns out great. I think you do have a very contained attitude to their "uncivil" ways and child-ish seeming behavior. I do not like the guy and that is making the whole thing worst, he is the sort that has no problems telling the world his intimate business and I wish I could inform every self respecting woman about this tendency of his.

    Thanks guys for reading, responding and giving your insights. In all honesty, they made good sense. I wrote my original post when he was being particularly attention seeking and I think I might have been a little too harsh on ESXPs overall, I have met others who were not so obviously hard to be around.
     
  15. OP
    Honey

    Honey Regular Poster

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    I will...with a witness from management.
     
  16. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    How do you know this person is an ESXP?

    I personally am energized by ESTPs and ESFPs. I adore them. They bring out my adventurous and whimsical side. And those I have known aren't annoying attention whores.

    But, your coworker sounds rediculous. I'd probably talk to your manager or whoever and say you're having a hard time getting things done with his antics.
     
  17. OP
    Honey

    Honey Regular Poster

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    He is definately an extrovert and a sensor IMO and rather more process than goal oriented. He is a rather loud, general big party guy with absolutely no interest in anything in a book, he is one of the most theory averse person I know of. He is fast moving, action oriented, fun seeking and very impatient with theory, his main interests seem to be cars, gambling, parties (he knows where the most obsure night clubs are), sex and having "wild experiences" in excess quantities. He seems to do everything excessively especially eating. He is really big on food if you know what I mean.

    Some people do seem to value him for being funny, generous, animated and full of life and he seems to know the personal business of just about everyone and he likes to share that. He seems to find the opportunity for having fun in almost any situation. Generally, it seems he makes people who do not have to work with him very happy and sometimes it feels like he can make anyone do anything for him and he can be a selfish taker and insult people for his fun without them even seeming to notice, they just laugh along with him. Its just that he seems to want to turn every occasion into a big exciting fun party including work and he resents those of us who want no part in his theatre. I
     
  18. OP
    Honey

    Honey Regular Poster

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    That seems to be true.

    The whole shadow thing is probably where my own personal neurosis comes in because he basically displays all the qualities that I would not like to have as a person. In fact, I think I had some of them in childhood which my caretakers thankfully drove out of me overtime. I have met a clear ESTP before who I liked very much but he had parents that instilled in him the value of honesty/ethics and not using or tormenting people for his own sake early, he had many of the qualities of a mature, sensible INFJ I think.
     
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