Are INFJs warm? | INFJ Forum

Are INFJs warm?

Lea

Lea

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May 11, 2011
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I was wondering about myself lately and this question popped into my head.

Am I a warm person? I am supposed to be but a lot of the time I feel like I'm being cold and calculated. I'm constantly thinking of strategies to achieve my goals and these are the only things that matter.

I can't put my finger on this, comments most welcome.
 
As introverts we can appear cold to outsiders, especially extroverted types. But, girl, we're not just warm on the inside... we're hot.

INFJs specifically tend to understand people and their emotions really well, so as I take it are more sympathetic. There are more nurturing types out there but for INFJs I would say we can be warm when we feel close to others.

Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it.
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Lea said:
I was wondering about myself lately and this question popped into my head.

Am I a warm person? I am supposed to be but a lot of the time I feel like I'm being cold and calculated. I'm constantly thinking of strategies to achieve my goals and these are the only things that matter.

I can't put my finger on this, comments most welcome.
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INFJs are nearly the equivalent of a fuzzy bunny in most MBTI descriptions. You're supposed to be selfless, kind, loyal, caring and warm. Of course, people are more complex and so you might end up thinking you're far colder than the descriptions.

According to the INTJ portrait, I'm tremendously insightful, a natural leader and very ambitious. I don't agree with all of this but I identify with enough of the description to know I'm an INTJ.
 
If I am empathetic to someone or their situation then I am very warm, if I am on the defensive because I think someone is trying to take advantage of me...I'm a cold-hearted bastard.
 
My empathy is very low for most people, even people I am close to. I had an INTJ friend tell me once "I think you may be colder than I am," and he is fairly cold. A lot of the things that I "should" care about I don't. I don't feel a lot of emotions in regards to other people. I am mostly blank. The only time I feel true warmth towards others is if I am very emotionally close to them. Otherwise, chilly.
 
Yes, usually around 98.6 degree F.
 
I used to be genuinely kind an honest. I still am kind and honest on the outside but I'm always thinking about the affects my words/actions have on other people and how that's manipulating them. So it feels more like an act now, but I'm ok with that because they will never know.
 
(This post is really tangential.)

Holistically, I would say healthy INFJs are people that genuinely care about the world and its people. The form this takes varies, of course.

Personally, I have a carpe-diem approach to life that includes endless lists, long-term and short-term goals, goals that flow, and constant motion in general. To keep the ball rolling I have to be very systematic and end-oriented. This often creates a crusader-type demeanor where I'm pushing a tight agenda and motivating myself and others to go, go, go to get things done on time and with quality. (This is especially so when the envelope being pushed will benefit everyone involved. Those are the times I stay up for days, but I'm disgressing.)

I think we generally understand the human condition fairly well, easily generating sympathy for the situations and struggles of a very mortal race. "No man is an island" and all that jazz. Our Fe systematizes social and personal dynamics, so I think that even when we are helping, it will be more solution-oriented to determine the best route to take so the person doesn't linger in a bad place and lose functionality.

I've been told many times that I'm calm, stable, and nurturing. 'Warm' is a rarity, though I definitely feel it for all mankind and actively work towards making others' lives more fulfilling.

So, to answer the OP's question: yes and no.
 
I am over-empathetic to a destructive degree.

I have been called warm. I don't think it is a word I would use to describe myself.
 
All my friends say I am cold and calculating on the outside, warm and fuzzy on the inside. MY biggest secret, is that I just want to spread love to everyone on earth.

Remember, you are not your MBT.
 
As warm as a cute fuzzy wuzzy baby bunny in a fire.

I know a lot of IxFJs who keep saying theyre cold an evil but actually...no sorry
 
We are all "cold" and calculating. That is part of our nature. But our external warmth is such an integral, automatic part of us, that sometimes we do not understand just how much we try to make people feel that warmth. So yes, you are intrinsically warm, unless your Fe is so preposterously undeveloped that you do nothing at all to show it.

Of course, INFJ warmth is not usually bubbly, like dominant Fe types or even dominant Ne types.
 
We're very warm with the people we can put up with, and Antarctica-cold to the other 75% of humanity.
 
Most of the ones I've met give off an aura of coldness, but you can sense that it's a protective layer to hide a secret inner warmth. It's like they constantly try to pull you in closer and push you away at the same time.
 
I do tend to have a lot of natural compassion, even for people I do not particularly like or agree with, but there are times when I find it difficult to express that compassion into exterior 'warmth'.

It's probably a case that I am: A) wary of being taken advantage of or simply wasting my energy on a person/situation which seems futile; and B) self-conscious of appearing 'odd' or even weak for having shown an over-abundance of caring. So I sort of linger somewhere in the middle, and spread my warmth to people I sense will appreciate it and reciprocate if the need ever arises.
 
Interesting topic. I've wondered that about myself from time to time. People tell me I'm very compassionate and it's often hard for me not to feel for others and their predicaments. But at the same time, I feel very cold and indifferent to people I don't like or can't bring myself to respect. It's a bit scary sometimes.
 
SilverWolf said:
Interesting topic. I've wondered that about myself from time to time. People tell me I'm very compassionate and it's often hard for me not to feel for others and their predicaments. But at the same time, I feel very cold and indifferent to people I don't like or can't bring myself to respect. It's a bit scary sometimes.
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Indeed. And whats scary for me is that I know if I like or dont like someone pretty much the minute I lay my eyes on the person, and I sometimes cant explain it at all, its just like the gut feeling... mine's usually very spot on, so I just try to keep myself away from the disliked person. People often mistake me for anti-social, racist, ageist, or even homophobic, but its just my seeing the whole picture of the person at once. I really dont need to even talk to someone to dislike them - its just in the air all around them.

P.S. Ive had the "cant bring myself to respect them" a lot in my teenage years with adults - I was brought up to always respect the adults regardless of circumstances (well, they TRIED to bring me up that way lol), sometimes it came naturally and sometimes it just soooooo didnt click. Yeah, I was never rude, always nice and polite in such adults' presence, but only with using my emotional shields to the full capacity. Some have been even extremely uncomfortable to be around (to put it mildly) - one of those adults even turned out to be a pedophile - he wasnt found out until years and years later, but man, did I just know he was up to no good :O
 
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Lea said:
I was wondering about myself lately and this question popped into my head.

Am I a warm person? I am supposed to be but a lot of the time I feel like I'm being cold and calculated. I'm constantly thinking of strategies to achieve my goals and these are the only things that matter.

I can't put my finger on this, comments most welcome.
Click to expand...

I genuinely like people but am VERY cautious when I interact with them until I get to know them and can let them "in" my sphere of trust.

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I can connect with almost anyone on a shallow, social basis but, for whatever reason I myself do not even understand, I cannot connect with them deeply and they always stay on the "outside" (this is 99.99% of the people I have ever known). I do not do this on purpose and find it frustrating because I find myself lonely at times but I can't force this to happen - very few people naturally make it "in"; it is something deeper than my conscious control.

So why do I explain all this? To say this: I think, inside, we, for the most part, care for people and this is the "warm" part of us but only a very few people ever get to see this and, unfortunately, we do not really control who gets in to our inner warmth and who doesn't. So, we are warm but precious few get to experience it.

I hope this makes sense in writing! : - )
 
i asked. i was told that my warmth is reserved for people i like and who haven't pissed me off
 
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