Are INFJs warm? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Are INFJs warm?

Patrick Williams said:
I genuinely like people but am VERY cautious when I interact with them until I get to know them and can let them "in" my sphere of trust.

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I can connect with almost anyone on a shallow, social basis but, for whatever reason I myself do not even understand, I cannot connect with them deeply and they always stay on the "outside" (this is 99.99% of the people I have ever known). I do not do this on purpose and find it frustrating because I find myself lonely at times but I can't force this to happen - very few people naturally make it "in"; it is something deeper than my conscious control.

So why do I explain all this? To say this: I think, inside, we, for the most part, care for people and this is the "warm" part of us but only a very few people ever get to see this and, unfortunately, we do not really control who gets in to our inner warmth and who doesn't. So, we are warm but precious few get to experience it.

I hope this makes sense in writing! : - )
Click to expand...

Yes it does! I feel the same way! I am friendly and can connect with anyone on a superficial level but at times feel lonely because I can't ever tell anyone anything, or really connect with that many people so there are times I feel like I don't have anyone when I'm not really "lonely" like someone else might think because there are plenty of people around. If I could change it I would because sometimes I'm afraid I will grow old and not really connect with anyone, and its kinda a scary thought. Isn't that what life is all about? Relationships and connections? Who the hell cares about being trapped inside themselves all the time and only letting people scratch the surface...it sounds sad and it is, in a way.

Except when I drink. If I drink then everyone is my bestie and all those walls come down and I'm sharing sharing sharing, and then the calls come the next day...but I'm cringing, can't answer, and people are confused. They stop calling and feelings are hurt. Its why I rarely drink.
 
My 13 yr old said that I don't like to talk to people because then they will start liking me and I might have to be their friend. (I think she was talking about herself as well)
 
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not necessarily. I'm warm enough actually interacting, but in stasis or non-speaking, i'm not really sure how i come across.

i'm sure a lot of introverts can seem cold and distant.
 
Sometimes I'm overtly nice to people out of fear that they will be mean to me if I'm not. I don't really care about people I don't know - but I'm the warmest guy to my friends. I think John Lennon once said something along the lines of "you hate people but you want to save humanity" - I think that's me :D
 
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