Anybody else had abusive parents?

[Kgal]

Its up to you what you think is abuse. If you think that you have been abused - then you most probably have been. Believe me or not - if you have read my post about the abuse that ive been through - my mother even managed to convince me that she was not abusing me at all, that it was all her kindness, she was doing me a huge favor by beating me black and blue. Thats why I was never brave enough to seek help.

Agreed! :nod:

I was told "I'm doing this because I love you" again and again as i was beaten as part of a discipline action for my alleged "misbehaviors".

It took me a long long time before I ever considered it might be worthwhile to talk with my therapist about it. :crazy: He was appalled when I first began telling him some stories of what happened to me. It never occurred to me view it as traumatic abuse because I thought it was "normal" to get whipped and slapped and jerked around as a child.

I hope you seek healing.


For anyone to consider.

Look...

Whatever the "reasoning" behind your parents actions were...

IF you felt fear for your life - like you might be abandoned - or you might die right then and there - or the way you act/think/feel is not allowed - in other words - you were negated... during whatever was happening to you or around you...

THEN - that is considered traumatic abuse.

Emotional manipulation - being threatened - being continuously ridiculed - being told you are not enough - not right(ever) - being denied a chance to express who you are...

....all of these scenarios are abuse.

And they are just as traumatic and life long chronically debilitating as being raped or beaten - etc.

I have used all manner of therapies to get over what my parents did to me - including talk therapy(cognitive behavioral) - EFT - EMDR - Hypnosis(self) - Guided Imagery - journaling - dancing to music - meditation(vipassana and kundalini).

Please remember this:

One person's pain is never - ever - going to be the same for another. It's good to see and talk about other situations so you can determine that it's not your own doing that's causing you to have anger and sadness within you. But it does no good to compare your pain level with another. Each person is unique - right? Therefore - each person's pain is unique.

As EMDR is becoming more and more acceptable out there in the counseling world - I highly encourage any and all of you to find a therapist who embraces the method. It is great for working out old issues and is incredibly freeing.

Namaste'

 

[MrDoobie]

As I've described elsewhere on this forum, my whole family was abusive. My dad would lock me in the basement for hours, sometimes for as long as 12 hours, and the basement always terrified me. He always called me stupid and retarded and said I was evil and selfish and I was ruining his life, that he would have been much happier if I would have never been born. He always said I would never be able to survive on my own, that I was going to end up a miserable, homeless addict and that no one would ever love me because I was unloveable. He probably suffers from bipolar disorder, because his mood would swing wildly from blind rage to depression to silly and whimsical at the drop of a hat and without warning. He had insomnia, and when he couldn't sleep he would storm through the house banging doors and shaking windows and snarling wordlessly to keep everyone up. I lived my childhood and much of my teenage years in constant fear of my father. One time, when I was five, he chased me through the house with a kitchen knife, snarling like an animal, and I tripped and fell down some stairs and suddenly he was just standing there laughing and saying "I was only joking. Jesus you take everything so seriously."

I don't remember much of my mom. She had really bad depression and apparently spent most of her time just staring at a wall and crying when I was little. She never held me as a baby, or fed me (according to my father). She was always very distant and sad, so I didn't get much affection out of her. Neither of my parents ever hugged me, and my mom only very recently has started telling me "I love you."

My grandmother visited often, and she used to slap and choke me. Throw me down stairs. She also told me I was stupid and worthless and I would be nothing but a loser.

I was sent to my uncles house to be babysat a lot. He molested me and videotaped and/or took pictures which still haunts me because I know he later put them on a website.

I see a lot of people talking about how they forgave their families and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever be able to do that, but for now I just can't. The only member of my family I regularly talk to or see is my mom, because I've forgiven her. She had an untreated mental health condition and regrets how distant she was and I think she knows we never really bonded and I think she's very lonely. But my dad is still the same hateful, bitter asshole, as is my uncle and my grandmother, and I can never forgive them. I don't want to see them. I don't want to hear their voice. If I ever have children of my own they will never see them. I am the happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been in my life without them.

 

[Sai]

i never met my father. My mom did abuse me and let her partners abuse me too. after i left her when i was 9 i was abused by the other people i stayed with. then i moved again and the same happened again. I had a troubled childhood and teen years. I dont think it affects me today, but im sure it did change me and made me the way i am

 

[moonlightam]

i never met my father. My mom did abuse me and let her partners abuse me too. after i left her when i was 9 i was abused by the other people i stayed with. then i moved again and the same happened again. I had a troubled childhood and teen years. I dont think it affects me today, but im sure it did change me and made me the way i am