I have learned to spot them before they spot me. And if I am talking to them and I see they are not getting it I leave abruptly. Little example. I am out in the woods hunting and this guy stops me on the road and asks me where he is. I start telling him and he starts arguing with me. He is the one who is lost asking me where to go and he is arguing with me. I tell him to have a nice day and next time he should buy a map before he goes out into the woods. I drive off ending the conversation.
Annoying people
- Thread starter Silently Honest
- Start date
Yeah, see, I'm one of those types of people. This chick randomly decides to make friends with me and invites me to walk home with her and her boyfriend and as I'm walking with her, she turns to me and is like
"Don't you have somewhere to go?" I got the hint. I just gave her a blank stare. After that incident if she invites me to walk with her I'll refuse, or if she convices me to do so I'm walk off, listening to my MP3 like I can't hear her. I don't feel bad about it because she always acts like I'm tagging along uninvited when SHES the one who did it.
But that's not applicable for all situations.
I have a lot of "friends" that are friends because I like one or two little things about them A LOT but everything else, not so much... or I see the potential in them and want to help draw it out if that makes sense.
It's horrible though - mostly they suck energy out of me or stress me out. I feel good about helping them, and extremely bad about leaving them to deal with whatever it is that they need to deal with alone. These people, because of their negative energy sucking qualities, have very few friends. Making them cling on to me all the more. I have to shelter all my other friends from these people because I know they won't like them.
I deal with it by minimizing the time I spend with them (maybe see them 4 times a year) and just not letting them into the boundaries of my inner circle, and trying to make sure that sometimes I get something out of the interaction with them. And I usually do - whether it's a supportive ear, insight into people, whatever. But I don't get as much as I give, for sure, and then I have more people to worry about.
I'm a freaking bridesmaid in one of these people's wedding! I cannot say no to people!
It's horrible though - mostly they suck energy out of me or stress me out. I feel good about helping them, and extremely bad about leaving them to deal with whatever it is that they need to deal with alone. These people, because of their negative energy sucking qualities, have very few friends. Making them cling on to me all the more. I have to shelter all my other friends from these people because I know they won't like them.
I deal with it by minimizing the time I spend with them (maybe see them 4 times a year) and just not letting them into the boundaries of my inner circle, and trying to make sure that sometimes I get something out of the interaction with them. And I usually do - whether it's a supportive ear, insight into people, whatever. But I don't get as much as I give, for sure, and then I have more people to worry about.
I'm a freaking bridesmaid in one of these people's wedding! I cannot say no to people!
andria I know exactly what you mean. Choose most of my friends and girlfriends that way. Bad mistake I will never repeat. People gotta earn my help now I don't freely give it out any more. I am not a portable welfare office anymore.
I find that alot of times, people mistake my random acts of kindness as some kind of invitation to be friends, and sometimes it's a good thing, but I find that alot of the time it's usually some obnoxious loser who needs someone to talk to or in most cases at, and I mean NEEDS.
How the do you deal with these clingy nuisances?
i'm not understanding what you mean..i would be friends with anyone that needed one...
That's great that's exactly what I mean, now you find yourself in the situation where your friends with someone who doesn't know the meaning of giving someone space, they take full advantage of your friendly nature and they use it as an excuse to talk to you every chance they get, and you being there friend will be there for them correct? At some points however you would want some time to yourself, and it's irritating when you can't think for five seconds without party two wanting to talk to you. And to top it all off, you find that you don't really like them all to much, they were rude when you met them, and you have no idea why you're friends.
Simple solution is to ignore them really.
Of course honesty is the best policy afterall.
oh...then just nicely tell them you need some ALONE time ^^ no need to be mean...
you need to COMMUNICATE with them and tell them you can't have them being with you every second.....don't ignore...that makes them feel very bad. trust me.
you need to COMMUNICATE with them and tell them you can't have them being with you every second.....don't ignore...that makes them feel very bad. trust me.
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Oh geez. That's a hard one. I gotta admit that I also got tired of clingy people and have become quite harsh. I just sort of tell them I'm busy or will straight out tell them I don't need any more friends. Yeesh. It hurts at that moment but then it's over and everybody can go home and lick their wounds.
I guess I'm just lucky. Mostly people want to tell me their life stories or their problems. If it's a life story, they usually seem satisfied after that; they're done, or maybe they feel vulnerable or embarrassed about exposing so much of themselves. If it's problems they have, especially around disability--which it often is (I mean, I'm sitting there in my wheelchair, looking like I' know what I'm doing, at least according to a couple sources)--I can usually direct them toward a solution or someone else who's got the answer, and they're satisfied with that.
In either case, there's no residual clingy, needy hanging on. Just lucky, I guess.
In either case, there's no residual clingy, needy hanging on. Just lucky, I guess.
Or a swift kick to the face if you can't access your hammerspace.
But yeah. I'm kind of a creeper magnet (not saying that everyone I know and talk to is a creeper, but I tend to get a lot of clingy ones).
My usual policy is to be polite, but distant. I continue with this policy sometimes for a very long time. If they want to hang out with me, I decline politely with a legitimate excuse.
With this, I am not rejecting them, and they can still talk to me and do whatever. However, they do not have access to me. In other words, even if they want to get close, I keep them forcibly at arms length and on formal terms. Eventually, they calm down and take on a more tolerable attitude. Usually, they even leave me completely alone after a while.
Right now, I'm currently exercising this tactic on a rather persistent and slightly socially inept ENTP, and, although it's taking longer than normal, it's working. It's not that I DISLIKE him, or any of these people really; it's just that I don't want to deal with emotional clinginess or awkward social situations with awkwardly social people. I really don't need someone else adding to my issues. I can make plenty of those for myself, kthx.
