[INFJ] An INFJ on making friends..help!!

[alpha]

I love to have meaningful friendships and connect with people on a deeper level, but its hard to find a kindred soul. Most people seem to be happy with not-so-deep connections. This mostly left me feeling lonely and misunderstood. Finding friends who could be authentic and supportive seemed like such a hard task, I thought it was just me , but I guess I am just an INFJ!
Which personality types do INFJs befriend and feel the most comfortable with? Fellow INFJs or any others?

 

[PintoBean]

I feel comfortable around ENFJs myself. They bring me out, but are understanding of my introversion as well. And they are not put off by my intensity. It's a good balance for me.

 

[INFJok]

Being yourself will attract the people you need in your life and repel the people you don't need in your life.
For now, be a friend to yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Be patient with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
Have fun by yourself, because when you enjoy yourself, no one can take away contentment!

 

[Artisan]

Being yourself will attract the people you need in your life and repel the people you don't need in your life.
For now, be a friend to yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Be patient with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
Have fun by yourself, because when you enjoy yourself, no one can take away contentment!

I wish the world was so kind as these words of yours. ^^

 

[INFJok]

I wish the world was so kind as these words of yours. ^^

Yes, but only you can determine what happens in your own world.

 

[bodhireagan]

To echo [MENTION=6623]INFJok[/MENTION],

You are not going to have an excess of good friends whom you can make deep connections with. Instead you will develop a few, very like-minded friends over the course of your life. Everyone else will be an acquaintance or short-lived "friend" who suddenly loses interest in you (not meaning sexual interest) when they realize that you are an intense human being with an overwhelming understanding of the world and people.

To translate: you will have a few "will take a bullet for you/always be there if you need something/3am phone calls" friends who make your life amazing instead of 10, 20, 30 or hundreds of acquaintances who use you for your emotional depth and don't have any desire to connect with you and make your life miserable.

Friends are ALWAYS about quality > quantity

 

[invisible]

remember, as the contemporary popular culture wisdom goes, that its better to have no relationship than to have a relationshit! good friends are hard to find, its better not to try and speed up the process, or you end up with people sticking resolutely to your life that you bonded with too much too soon.

 

[INFJok]

To echo [MENTION=6623]INFJok[/MENTION],

You are not going to have an excess of good friends whom you can make deep connections with. Instead you will develop a few, very like-minded friends over the course of your life. Everyone else will be an acquaintance or short-lived "friend" who suddenly loses interest in you (not meaning sexual interest) when they realize that you are an intense human being with an overwhelming understanding of the world and people.

To translate: you will have a few "will take a bullet for you/always be there if you need something/3am phone calls" friends who make your life amazing instead of 10, 20, 30 or hundreds of acquaintances who use you for your emotional depth and don't have any desire to connect with you and make your life miserable.

Friends are ALWAYS about quality > quantity

Yeah I don't know how people can have a slew of "friends" around them at all times.
Who could you trust?
It's kind of....scary..to me at least!

 

[INFJok]

remember, as the contemporary popular culture wisdom goes, that its better to have no relationship than to have a relationshit! good friends are hard to find, its better not to try and speed up the process, or you end up with people sticking resolutely to your life that you bonded with too much too soon.

Relationshit. good one!

 

[Artisan]

Yes, but only you can determine what happens in your own world.

I could agree with the term "Life is what you make it".

However, If only I can determine what happens in "my own world", then I would be a space fairing multi-billionaire with a ton of friends peace and heaven on earth and.... I take it you understand my point ;p
You have no more control over who becomes your friend than you do over the weather. That is because a very large percentage of people has no interest in befriending anyone unless it gains them something or they can use you/your skills for something. Then there is a very small percentage that is interested in befriending others that keep a limit on the amount of friends they have or simply are not interested in befriending you.

You cannot expect to be able to determine what happens in "your own world" because you don't own or control the world.


I think I mentioned it somewhere before, but I really really really struggle at making/finding/developing a friendship in person and generally I am invisible to the point where I feel like I must be the natural opposite of a charismatic person. But by all means if you got a life hack for me, let me know.


As for the OP. I wouldn't know, I don't ask everyone who tolerates my presence to take the MBTI test.
That said I find the most common ground with other introverts, and believe it or not from the rest of this post, I am usually the more positive and optimistic one

 

[INFJok]

I could agree with the term "Life is what you make it".

However, If only I can determine what happens in "my own world", then I would be a space fairing multi-billionaire with a ton of friends peace and heaven on earth and.... I take it you understand my point ;p
You have no more control over who becomes your friend than you do over the weather. That is because a very large percentage of people has no interest in befriending anyone unless it gains them something or they can use you/your skills for something. Then there is a very small percentage that is interested in befriending others that keep a limit on the amount of friends they have or simply are not interested in befriending you.

You cannot expect to be able to determine what happens in "your own world" because you don't own or control the world.


I think I mentioned it somewhere before, but I really really really struggle at making/finding/developing a friendship in person and generally I am invisible to the point where I feel like I must be the natural opposite of a charismatic person. But by all means if you got a life hack for me, let me know.


As for the OP. I wouldn't know, I don't ask everyone who tolerates my presence to take the MBTI test.
That said I find the most common ground with other introverts, and believe it or not from the rest of this post, I am usually the more positive and optimistic one

Ok, well you can only control what you can control, the rest let it go!
Also, sometimes in life we get what we need instead of what we want.

I remember whenever I made friends I would get completely lost in them and in return lose my identity. I began thinking like them and picking up their bad habits!
I became them and lost me!

Now I don't know if it's an INFJ thing but whatever it is, it's completely wrong to morph into somebody else!

Maybe we're meant to be lonely at this time of our lives so that we can find who we are?

 

[Artisan]

Ok, well you can only control what you can control, the rest let it go!
Also, sometimes in life we get what we need instead of what we want.

I remember whenever I made friends I would get completely lost in them and in return lose my identity. I began thinking like them and picking up their bad habits!
I became them and lost me!

Now I don't know if it's an INFJ thing but whatever it is, it's completely wrong to morph into somebody else!

Maybe we're meant to be lonely at this time of our lives so that we can find who we are?

I know who I am and who I am working towards becoming.
Being meant to be lonely... if that is the case, then someone must really hate me x)

 

[INFJok]

I know who I am and who I am working towards becoming.
Being meant to be lonely... if that is the case, then someone must really hate me x)

Or maybe you are being kept from morphing into somebody else!

 

[Artisan]

Or maybe you are being kept from morphing into somebody else!

I don't assimilate other peoples personalities or morph into them though :X

 

[Zen Lizard]

I see the phrase "determining what happens in my own world" to mean how I view any situation. We all ultimately determine what our thoughts are going to be about anything we perceive. A situation isn't necessarily innately "good" or "bad" but our thinking will make it so. Do I really want to work so hard to draw someone to me that simply isn't interested? Is it really a loss for me when they move on, or an opportunity to spend my social energies on someone else? Do I lament my lack of connections or remain open to seeking and finding those connections, and chalking up the failed friendships to life's lessons I needed to learn? Not to say they aren't painful lessons, many times, but there are things to learn from every relationship.

 

[INFJok]

I see the phrase "determining what happens in my own world" to mean how I view any situation. We all ultimately determine what our thoughts are going to be about anything we perceive. A situation isn't necessarily innately "good" or "bad" but our thinking will make it so. Do I really want to work so hard to draw someone to me that simply isn't interested? Is it really a loss for me when they move on, or an opportunity to spend my social energies on someone else? Do I lament my lack of connections or remain open to seeking and finding those connections, and chalking up the failed friendships to life's lessons I needed to learn? Not to say they aren't painful lessons, many times, but there are things to learn from every relationship.

Those are some very insightful questions! I guess we'll just have to live life and let fate do its thing!
Whatever's meant to be will somehow make its way to us!

 

[INFJok]

I don't assimilate other peoples personalities or morph into them though :X

Well then I need to take some notes on how not to! Teach me! Lol!

 

[Zen Lizard]

I don't assimilate other peoples personalities or morph into them though :X

I don't see it as assimilation, more like a chameleon taking on some of a person's mannerisms in an attempt to make them feel at ease. I also think of it as "matching their energy". I think it's aux Fe at work creating harmony and a sense of connection.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I honestly believe the key to this is to not care if you make friends or not. But....to be around people I environments that you either like or wish to explore. Then just be yourself.

 

[alpha]

Guess you have a point there. But it gets lonely sometimes.