Aloneness | INFJ Forum

Aloneness

Grey Wolf

Grey Wolf

Airborne all the way!
Jan 21, 2009
1,769
145
622
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
no idea
was just browing through the alone sticky thread when I realised something. Do you guys ever get the feeling that even when someone says " I know that feeling, you're not alone on that" and the person goes on to explain why and you realise that "hey he really does understand" but you still feel alone and occasionally even feel worse?

Just pondering. not that I feel lonely. Was just pondering on this and wanted to hear you guys' thoughts on this.
 
Grey Wolf said:
was just browing through the alone sticky thread when I realised something. Do you guys ever get the feeling that even when someone says " I know that feeling, you're not alone on that" and the person goes on to explain why and you realise that "hey he really does understand" but you still feel alone and occasionally even feel worse?

Just pondering. not that I feel lonely. Was just pondering on this and wanted to hear you guys' thoughts on this.
Click to expand...

Yes yes I do.

Its a crime that so many of us should feel alone. Its like no matter what we do we can't shake that feeling.
 
Actually, there are people who get so much---but never everything, never to the depth and passion of myself. It does truly make me very sad, after these moments...inexplicable. In fact, i'm feeling it now. But you know what? At least you've got someone who can understand you as best as possible. We're just so individual and unique that it's impossible to have someone understand all.
 
Grey Wolf said:
was just browing through the alone sticky thread when I realised something. Do you guys ever get the feeling that even when someone says " I know that feeling, you're not alone on that" and the person goes on to explain why and you realise that "hey he really does understand" but you still feel alone and occasionally even feel worse?

Just pondering. not that I feel lonely. Was just pondering on this and wanted to hear you guys' thoughts on this.
Click to expand...

Since I've been on this forum, I've actually felt a bit better and more understood that I ever have. I also got to speak with my oldest bro (INFJ) this weekend for the first time in months. I think just being able to talk to people about more deep, philisophical, or serious subects without ppl saying "why do you care that much?", "You're looking way too far into this!" or "why do you think like that? You've got problems." I even have people get mad at me for being understanding of people or situations when everyone else thinks they should be persecuted.
 
We were born into the world alone, and we will die in the world alone.

It's as simple as that.
 
Perhaps we feel worse sometimes because we understand that our thoughts are validated and that there are others out there like us who suffer from loneliness as well. Maybe we need to look for others to try to cheer us up a bit to get us out of the rut we feel. It's better to connect to a positive source sometimes than to connect with someone else who is feeling lonely; I guess it might have to do with mirroring emotions.
 
i don't believe i could truly feel how another person is feeling, nor do i believe they could understand the depth of mine. that being said, i think it's all too common for us to sympathize using phrases like "i know that feeling" or "you're not alone in that" without reflecting on what they actually mean. it is only when i take those phrases literally and not as a form of commensurating that i feel more alienated and worse. though, there are times when people say it in such a carefree manner that i can intuit they are only saying it out of politeness or social etiquette; that they aren't even sympathizing but rather using it as a means to initiate their own opinion on the matter.
 
As lonely as we feel and as alone as we think we are, we truly are never alone. We're all just small parts of a whole but in our current mind frame we cannot see it and we feel alone. Our individual suffering is minuscule to that of mankind's and that of nature but if one of us suffers, we all suffer in some way or form.

of course nothing I just said makes the least bit of sense...
 
minority funk, it does make sense in its holistic point of view of all consciousness as One and coincides with the Golden Rule of treating others as you would, yourself. when looked upon this way, hurting others is akin to hurting yourself since we are all in fact interconnected.
 
minority funk said:
As lonely as we feel and as alone as we think we are, we truly are never alone. We're all just small parts of a whole but in our current mind frame we cannot see it and we feel alone. Our individual suffering is minuscule to that of mankind's and that of nature but if one of us suffers, we all suffer in some way or form.

of course nothing I just said makes the least bit of sense...
Click to expand...

Actually, feeling alone places us in a somewhat conspicuous place alienating ourselves, in the mind, from others for awhile. I also agree we are truly never alone.
Your saying "if one of us suffers, we all suffer in one way or form" may be more truthful than you think. That statement has caught my curiosity and I must dwell on it awhile. Thank you.
 
Not that it's a very helpful reply but no, I don't feel like that. If someone can share my sentiments I usually feel connected to them and thus less alone. I'm actually a little surprised others feel differently.
 
I appreciate someone's effort to relate, even if it is difficult for them.
 
yeah im yet to meet the person that truly 'gets' me
 
Yes I do. I have only a few people who when they say "I understand what you are feeling / going through", they actually mean it, and the feeling is recripocated.

A big issue for me with people not getting me, and me subsequently feeling alone, has to do with me not having the capcity to express what I am thinking/feeling in a clear, consice way. As many people here know, I may feel something or have an idea, but it takes coaxing from otheres to force me to word things in a way people will understand. I have moment where I will be sitting here, thinking to myself "I need to express myself, but I have no idea how". I am not able to even think of the words in my mind to do it. It is all an internal feeling.

I'd venture to guess this happnes alot of INFJ's. Our useage of Ni fosters this kind of thing. So, unless someone else uses Ni in a similar way, it is hard for them to understand. And when we don't get that feeling back, we feel "alone".
 
Eniko said:
Not that it's a very helpful reply but no, I don't feel like that. If someone can share my sentiments I usually feel connected to them and thus less alone. I'm actually a little surprised others feel differently.
Click to expand...
This is my reaction. I can still feel a bit alone when someone says they know and go on to explain and it is quite different. Although I still appreciate the effort and take whatever connection has been formed. If it's too off, then I appreciate the amusement.

What makes me feel alone is to be completely unnoticed. Maybe it is my superpower, but it has been a theme. When I was a young teenager at boarding school, I would sometimes cry by mistake on the bus or places people could see and never once did anyone ever ask how I was doing. I usually cried in my room, and not once in all the years I was there did someone ever visit. I smiled at people, but was shy. I must have managed to hide it, but to experience such torment, be surrounded by people, and not ever an attempt to connect with me or check in was a somewhat profound experience.
 
WickedPod said:
Since I've been on this forum, I've actually felt a bit better and more understood that I ever have.I think just being able to talk to people about more deep, philisophical, or serious subects without ppl saying "why do you care that much?", "You're looking way too far into this!" or "why do you think like that? You've got problems." I even have people get mad at me for being understanding of people or situations when everyone else thinks they should be persecuted.
Click to expand...


Oh gosh, I always have people tell me I'm crazy when I feel bad for the "bad guy" I get looked down on because of it, but it's who I am.. and it's kind of frustrating to be able to come to a forum like this because it makes me feel less alone, and then when I try to translate that IRL it just doesn't work, and I'm reminded once again why I've been lonely for so long.

Also, even when I feel I can understand what some one is going through, I try not to say the inevitable, you're not alone, or I understand. I try to just convey the fact that I'm listening and will be there to listen if needed. I do sometimes share a similar circumstance in order to help a little, but I try to think about what I would want someone to say, and that is when words fail me. I feel like sometimes the best thing I can do for someone is just to be there as a sounding board, because even if it's not entire, it's easier to feel a little less alone when someone is with you.

I do get that feeling of being lonely often, and I think that is why I try to reach out and connect to people who are similar to me in that aspect. To give comfort. To remind people that we do come in to this world alone, and we do die alone, but we don't have to live in this world completely lonely or there wouldn't be other people in it.
 
slant said:
We were born into the world alone, and we will die in the world alone.

It's as simple as that.
Click to expand...

Slant is right. I think where we come unstuck is in attaching a negative feeling to the idea of being alone. It doesn't have to be a negative experience. It can be whatever you want. If you've been conditioned(or conditioned yourself) to feel bad about being alone, then recognise that and work on turning it around. I think it's a blessing to hold onto the simple facts, like knowing we will die alone - it helps to keep us focussed on what we can achieve with or without people in the unknown length of time we have to do whatever we want to do.
 
dneecey said:
Oh gosh, I always have people tell me I'm crazy when I feel bad for the "bad guy" I get looked down on because of it, but it's who I am.. and it's kind of frustrating to be able to come to a forum like this because it makes me feel less alone, and then when I try to translate that IRL it just doesn't work, and I'm reminded once again why I've been lonely for so long.
Click to expand...
When everyone cheers at the end of a movie when the bad guy is gruesomely destroyed, I get nauseated. I realize why the cheering occurs, but the intense focus on judgment and punishment on those who are "bad" I find quite disturbing. It isn't that I don't think they should be stopped or even punished if that helps solve the problem. I'm strongly driven to see that a problem that causes suffering is stopped, but I see people like dominoes. Bad guys are typically nothing more than a domino in a long line of negative cause-and-effect. I have difficulty communicating this sometimes because the first assumption when you defend the bad guy is that you are dismissing the fact this person causes a problem that needs solving when that is not the case. I want to solve the problem, but can see that indulging in punishment and self-righteousness makes everyone else much more like the bad guy. They are recreating the problem from a new vantage point and think they are stopping it.
 
Julia said:
When everyone cheers at the end of a movie when the bad guy is gruesomely destroyed, I get nauseated. I realize why the cheering occurs, but the intense focus on judgment and punishment on those who are "bad" I find quite disturbing. It isn't that I don't think they should be stopped or even punished if that helps solve the problem. I'm strongly driven to see that a problem that causes suffering is stopped, but I see people like dominoes. Bad guys are typically nothing more than a domino in a long line of negative cause-and-effect. I have difficulty communicating this sometimes because the first assumption when you defend the bad guy is that you are dismissing the fact this person causes a problem that needs solving when that is not the case. I want to solve the problem, but can see that indulging in punishment and self-righteousness makes everyone else much more like the bad guy. They are recreating the problem from a new vantage point and think they are stopping it.
Click to expand...


agreed.
 
Everyone has felt loneliness in some moment of their lives, so by saying that it doesn't make the emptiness go away since that person could not understand you on the same level or what you're going through. to end with that feeling you need someone to fill you, and not to necessarily be on the same situation.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back