Achieving goals . . .

Achieving goals

For me the answer to all of these questions--and something I left out of my post to Duty this morning--is focus, remaining focused on a goal despite discouragement and especially during times when I lose my self-confidence. More to come as I think about this. But that's the first thought.

 

1. Not having goals in the first place or not effectively defining your goals. Distraction. Laziness. Inability to postpone gratification. Sense of entitlement. Lack of self-discipline. Inability to persist steadfastly. Caring too much about what other people think. Lack of experience. Being overwhelmed by the whole instead of concentrating on the parts. Not seeing the forest for the photosynthesis and vice versa.

2. I'm older, so I've achieved many of my goals. I now have new ones. Nevertheless, I've learned to be dogged and never quit (unless considered judgement says otherwise). Endurance is key.

3. I broke big risks into many smaller risks. I sought, and luckily received, help and support from friends and family. I seriously and honestly acknowledged my weaknesses and compensated by partnering with people who complemented me. I always had at least one or more backup plans or strategies. I learned that I would have to go beyond my comfort zone, learn new skills (e.g., develop social skills), and accept the attendant discomfort as a necessary cost of moving forward. Don't make an important decision without sleeping on it. Speed of thought is less important than quality of thought, despite what the education system rewards.

4. Develop a support group of both family and friends. When you're really stressed out because you feel out of control of many things (which is usually the case) discipline yourself in ways you can control. For example, when I'm feeling stressed, I find that asserting deliberate self control over my diet and exercise helps me psychologically as well as physically. Do at least one activity that has absolutely no relationship to your professional life. For example, I play classical piano and still take lessons twice a month. Always be true to yourself and never compromise your most important and basic principles.

Finally, it really helps to have a list of 100 things you want to do before you die. List the places to which you want to travel, the sports you want to learn, the educational and professional goals you want to achieve, and the interpersonal experiences and relationships for which you will strive. Life is an adventure for you to define.

I don't want this to sound "preachy" but, for me, answering these questions is a matter of actual personal experience and looking back. I don't, in any way, mean for this to sound arrogant.

 

Another winning topic! I would very much like to know this about my fellow members, infj's and otherwise.

Crippled self-confidence that is very often the result of ruminating on the past. The would've, should've, could've's haunt my every step, even when I'm trying to focus on something that will help me fix the problem. That negative little voice pops into my head: "Why didn't you do this earlier, jackass?" or "If you only did this and this, you wouldn't even be in this situation!"

Fear of failure and perfectionism are definitely my two greatest hang ups that often lead to procrastination. But all these three obstacles are all the direct result of negative thinking. If I could just shut my brain off, and do what needs to be done without over-analyzing or beating myself up for past mistakes, I'd probably get a lot more done and be a lot less stressed.

I'm gradually getting better at telling that little negative voice to shut the hell up. It helps when I'm able to catch it in the act and imagine it as an entity that is separate from myself; I can easily turn it into a me versus negative voice sort of thing and venture to do things it's telling me I can't do, just to prove it wrong. It also makes it easier to tell myself that I don't have to listen to it, because I'm still in charge and I have a choice with what I can do with the information being filtered back to me.

The issue is, of course, being aware when this is happening. Sometimes that negative voice is sneaky and it's not a voice at all. It manifests itself as physical symptoms of anxiety or just creeps up on me when I'm distracted or already feeling bad about something.

As for procrastinating, well, I already write down everything into my daily planner. If I'm feeling particularly industrious, however, I'll split the page down the middle. On one side, I write out what I want to do at what time and on the other side, I write out what I actually did. It's pretty sobering. Wasting time usually cures perfectionism very quickly.

I just have to be sure that I'm not going to beat myself up for having a "bad day."

See above discussion. For me, mindfulness is key. At the end of the day, the only person I have to answer to is myself. I make the mistakes, I own the consequences and realize that it's just another day torn off the calendar and that there's always tomorrow. However, have I move forward? Or am I moving backward? How badly do I want to achieve X ? Usually, taking an inventory like this keeps me in line.

Ruminating on the past or imagining the worst case scenario for the future detract from me living in the present moment. If I can take my battle with my personal demons and throw it out into the here and now with practical action, I consider that a successful day.

First of all, physically? Run, run, run like the wind. Get your body moving every day. First week or two are hell, but vigorous exercise keeps the depressive demons at bay. And if you're like me and you're prone to have a mood flop every once in a while, this is the best way to completely minimize the damage. I cannot tell anyone enough how AMAZING you feel.

And yeah, cut out the crappy food. I'm terrible about this, though. I'd probably feel a lot better if I kept my sugar and sodium levels down to a more humane amount. (It just pisses me off how careful you have to be because almost everything has that crap in it)

Healthy body, healthy mind. 100%

Psychologically? I don't know, really. Just keep your mind on whatever it is you want to achieve and psyche yourself out about reaching it. You gotta really want it and it has to be your own goal. If you're doing it because it's going to please someone else, chances are, you're probably going to face a looong road cobbled by self-sabotage and troubled starts.

I'm only speaking from my own experiences, of course.

Yep. That's why my negative thinking is probably my single, biggest deterrent.

 

Haha, this is SO characteristic of the INTJ! I ask myself (and apply) these questions every day, literally! If you would like to talk with me about them, feel free to message me on yahoo.

 

1) What are the most common internal and external obstacles to fulfilling your potential, achieving your goals, and self-actualizing?

The biggest obstacle to my achieving my goals? I don't really have any goals that are compelling enough for me to do anything. I think that has to do with the fact that my interests are so varied. I can't focus on anything cause I wanna focus on everything. Also I am never really confident in my ability, plus a complete lack of patience, and over emphasis on ease I want everything to be easy. When things get tough I tend to dipset.

I think becoming self actualized is a different thing. The biggest thing I can see that prevents that is that I put everyone elseses needs and opinions waaaaaaaaay above my own and I want to be loved by everyone all the time. PLus a generalized lack of self esteem.


2) What is your plan of action for overcoming these obstacles?
Practice fighting the negative self talk that caused the problem in the first place. The first step in my case is getting in touch with the feelings and thoughts motivating the problem. Then think about the fact that the way I see things might be wrong, and that many of the positive things people believe about me are true. Unfortunately this is an extremely alien concept to me. So it is important to distinguish between accepting my positive value, and simply engaging in a different sort of dialogue with my self.

Now following through on that is up to my Fi which is I think the function causing the problem.


3) If and when you overcame these obstacles, what strategies did you use, and why were they successful or effective?

heh get back to me on the other side of nirvana

4) What is the best way mentally, physically, and psychologically for someone to prepare to achieve their goals?

I like the idea of excersizing, it's one of those things that help no matter who you are. What I am doing is looking up positive phsycolgy techniques and such that might help in the process of fighting the negative self talk. I've gotten some interesting stuff. And the more I think about the more I think that learning meditation techniques would probably make the whole process a lot easier.

To true advice I'd do well to follow.
:mjedir:

 

1) What are the most common internal and external obstacles to fulfilling your potential, achieving your goals, and self-actualizing?

Depression and a lack of understanding myself. I am also a perfectionist so the aspect that I MIGHT fail is far more intimidating than my will to start anything. I also have been the 'oddball' for such a long time, it seems like no one really supports me in anything I want to do.

2) What is your plan of action for overcoming these obstacles?

I have to do better and realize that what I want to do is what I want to do, simple as that.

3) If and when you overcame these obstacles, what strategies did you use, and why were they successful or effective?

I fought (and fight) off depression by realizing how lucky I am to be alive, how lucky I am for not doing anything stupid during one of my more severe depressions, and realizing that I caused some of the things that caused me to be depressed. I am trying to find myself, and the mbti has helped me a bit. I

4) What is the best way mentally, physically, and psychologically for someone to prepare to achieve their goals?

Realize what they fully entail; I also advocate having a healthy mindset (which includes a healthy or healthy as can be body) and realize if you have problems (I have problems with anger, self injury, and my confidence that I'm fixing)

 

1) What are the most common internal and external obstacles to fulfilling your potential, achieving your goals, and self-actualizing?

The biggest obstacles for me is fear of failure, ego, not taking risks, and being too accomidating of others. It takes me a while to find common ground between having my ego think I am so good, that nothing can knock me down. To having it think I am worthless and can't be good enough. Once I do find common ground on this, it is a major step in the right direction for me. In hindsight it seems like I am always the most sucessful when I am not actually actively "trying" and that I just let things go, and flow on the way they are supposed to. Other people don't get in my way. Maybe I am lucky in that respect, but it usually isn't an issue. It does become a horrific issue for me though if I become attached to someone. This is exeedingly rare, but when I do it is deblilitating. It begins to effect everything in my life and takes more energy then I often have to keep things on track.


2) What is your plan of action for overcoming these obstacles?

I actually don't have an iron clad plan, and set of things to do for this believe it or not, despite my uber-planning complex. I just tell myself to keep moving forward, and find the momentum. Once I find the momentum for things, I am pretty darn hard to stop. The thing is though, finding the momentum isn't possible. The momentum finds me, almost by magic. I have struggled to find exactly what happens and how the momentum comes to me. The only thing I can see is that I "let go" in this specefic way that I can't describe. Interestingly, I can never willingly repeat this "letting go" either. I just have trust in myself that down the line, the momentum will come. Of course, quite a heavy load of freaking out comes before this usually, it can get bad, very very bad.


3) If and when you overcame these obstacles, what strategies did you use, and why were they successful or effective?

This kind of relates to the previous question. Once I get moving, things just flow, everything falls into place. I seem to just do the right thing at the right moment, and everything works out the way it should. Sometimes better then I had hoped. Once I get into the mindset, I am actually able to quiet my mind (a feat I am trying so so hard to master, it is near impossible, but I am not gonna give up any time soon). I don't think "am I doing this right? What if I do things this way? Oh, am I going to be good enough? What if I fail? What if... What if...", all of that some how falls to the way side. The idea of even asking those questions doesn't even cross my mind. I will see myself in the mindset, and I just let it go. I don't fight it, I don't force it.


4) What is the best way mentally, physically, and psychologically for someone to prepare to achieve their goals?

Everyone is different. Everyone has their totally unique way of reaching their goals. The way I do things certainly will not work for everyone else. I will tell people what I do, and how I work things, but I also tell them they need to find their own way to do things. Everyone has had sucessful moments in their life. Reflect back on those moments. Ask your self how you got to that point? What was it like, how did you feel, what did you think? Ask yourself about what you went through, and how things came out to play. With that, you have a template to work with. It might impossible to replicate by will, but at least you know it has worked. As if by magic, it will eventually come back to you.

I am an extremely goal-oriented person. I organize, catagorize, plan my life out so much with extreme detail, too much really. I can't not have a goal to shoot for. If I do not have any I go nuts and feel so lost. Come hell or high water, I will acheive the things that I strive for. I am not one to back down from them

 

1) procrastination and disorganization are my biggest problems.
2) plan more
3) often when I plan for the max. number of contingencies the plans usually work out. I have extreme difficulty motivating myself to actually sit down and write a detailed plan, however. it is so against my nature.
4) brace yourself for failures, and don't get too hung up on results. always focus on the next thing, and the next, and the next.. don't ever stop to wait and reflect, because life does not stop and wait for you; you'll only be missing out on what's happening right now.

needless to say, I don't follow my own advice ><

 

My main goal right now is getting into MIT within two years. I have to prepare an application to impress them and convince them I deserve to be a part of their university and community.

Internally, I have few anymore. I've really grown up in the last few months. I continue to grow, and am very eager to adapt, so any obstacles are ones I'm confident I'll overcome.

Externally, the main problems are just time, location and creating opportunity. Working a full time job (with a very strict boss who is not very understanding of anyone that wants time off for anything :/) means that I don't have a lot of time in the week to produce meetings with local professors in the subjects I am interested in, to work on a project, or to study.

Alaska is really not a great place to create opportunity either...it is not like there are a lot of scientific conferences or research going on up here. There is little to get involved in. In this light though, I already have plans to move, most likely to California.

Lastly, I have to get involved in projects in my field to get into MIT. I have to find ways to create opportunities to do this. Currently I'm trying to find ways to meet and get involved with local professors in my field and attend a conference.

Well, I've already touched on moving to California. As far as making time, my boss will just have to live with it or I'll find another temp job (no shortage here in Alaska).

As far as getting involved, I figured I would talk to local professors and get a feel for the everyday difficulties they have: and then solve one. I hope to "trade" my services for his/her mentorship. I also want to book attendance to a conference in my field, which may just have to wait until I move to California, unless by some miracle I can find one here in Alaska.

I'll tell you when I try them.

Break your goals down into smaller ones until you have very specific, practical steps to undertake. When they become this small, it helps your confidence (attending a conference is not difficult), and you have something to measure your progress by.