[PAX] - Your socialization preferences/patterns | INFJ Forum

[PAX] Your socialization preferences/patterns

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Soulful, Aug 29, 2012.

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  1. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I came across something the other day. I'd pull it up if I recalled the source, but basically the idea was based on categorizing social activities to distinguish between them.

    Ex. Conversational vs. activity-based, conventional (dinner, movie, coffee),

    How do you socialize?

    Are there particular places you visit, or activities you do, when you socialize?

    Are you more likely to enjoy conversational socialization as opposed to activity-based that doesn't allow for discussion or where discussion isn't the focal point of the activity (think: heading to the gym with a buddy and doing your own thing once there vs. going out for dinner, which centres around a steady stream of conversation).
     
  2. Tin Man

    Tin Man "a respectable amount of screaming"

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    It all depends on who I'm with. If it's someone who's interesting and deep, I would prefer a one on one situation where we can talk in depth about theories and other stuff. If it's someone who is great fun but a little vain or untalkative then an activity based environment is preferable.
     
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  3. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    not much for activity based socialization. More for conversational. I remember trying activity based and it was boring. Because it was usually just for fun, it was not as engaging or interesting. Whether it was mini golf, bowling, etc. I'd rather have conversation and prefer conventional activities such as movies, coffee, dinner, etc. Allows me the comfort of interacting with someone one-on-one. I don't like group activities because it usually requires accommodating the interests of a larger number of people. But I wouldn't mind learning to play golf and playing a competitive game of golf with someone. That would be fun. I think I'd like this because golf is an individual sport activity. And I do like competition. :)

    Edit: [MENTION=5667]Jacobi[/MENTION], yeah, not a fan of someone who is untalkative either. It gets old really fast when you're carrying an entire conversation alone. It feels odd when the other person is unresponsive or doesn't even try to engage. So, enjoyment also depends on the person you're with and what they bring to the conversation or the activity. It definitely works better if both are actively interested or engaged in whatever we're doing.
     
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  4. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    Being in school makes it easier to socialize. I'm stuck in a classroom or at internship with people who have some basic common interests for hours at a time.

    Otherwise, I socialize best when doing something activity-based such as hiking, doing errands, etc. It's less intimidating because it leaves some distraction from the awkward silence that can ensue in situations where I don't know a person, or people, and the only thing to do is talk, such as going out to dinner.
     
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  5. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I like whatever environment lets me learn the most about the other person, I can be adaptable. I can be a bit over the top or a bit indifferent at times though--maybe hot and cold is a good explanation of how I can be--humm....unpredictable??? If I had to choose, it would be to talk.

    I really don't mind silence when being with someone though. I always feel that if I can be with someone and we can not say anything without it being awkward, we have a good connection. Sometimes it is soothing to just "be" with someone without "doing" anything.

    I socialize to create a meaninful encounter and learn about the other person. Not to be confused with me "being social", which may or may not resonate with me and capture my full attention but I will still seem very engaged.
     
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  6. OP
    Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Until recently, conversational socialization had dominated my life. I'd like to try activity-based socialization (predominantly outdoors activities like biking, canoeing, etc.) and see how that works. I really value meaningful and personal conversation as well, but sometimes I want to *do* things because I want to not have to engage my emotions while interacting with others, which is pretty much a default for me. So it might be nice to enjoy others and to share space with them without having to extravert my feeling side.
     
  7. niffer

    niffer Well-known member

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    Hm idk how I would describe it. I basically think of my relationship with a person as being one long conversation made up of a series of smaller broken ones. Ideally I would like a variety of different settings for socializing with this person so that we have more experiences and more to talk about and reminisce on together. I think the best activities for building a relationship are doing things together that engage you for a longer period of time, such as working together, embarking on a project together, travelling, watching a tv series, or reading the same book. I'd rather spend a day with someone than 5 minutes every day for a month.

    I agree with Stormy1 in that my favourite people are those whom I can comfortably alternate between having lively conversation/activities with and just chilling in silence.
     
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  8. Cornerstone

    Cornerstone Well-known member

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    I would say conversational but since I've been thinking a lot about my future and have become less carefree I think I may have to switch to more activities-based things because my conversations aren't fun anymore and I've been getting the feeling they're driving some people away a little bit...which would be an awful shame.

    Equally, I can't pretend to be the person I was a while ago. Conversation is easy between two cynics because there's always something to moan about. But now that I'm mostly past that (mostly), those who aren't don't seem to like my conversational habits and it is becoming less fun for me to be around people I've (almost) always enjoyed the company of.
     
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  9. linger

    linger Community Member

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    I think I prefer the activity-based initially because not everyone is comfortable with silence and I am not a chatty person with strangers (although I find that my ability to talk to strangers is getting a lot better as I get older). I don't like to have to carry a conversation, so I try to avoid situations where that might happen. It also provides something for us to talk about--I'm into bonding through shared experience.

    After I get to know a person, though, it's more conversational--more hanging out and sharing deeper stuff. Once I've got a fair bit of knowledge about someone, it's easier for me to keep the conversation going, and, usually, people are more comfortable with the occasional silence (which is definitely something I look for in people).

    It sounds really intense to start off with the purely conversational. My shyness tells me to run away as quickly as possible, but the parts of me that are hungry to make connections with people think it sounds intriguing and awesome.
     
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  10. Vict

    Vict mechanical and habitual agent

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    Activity-based. I prefer we do something. Aside from that I do fine in light conversation.

    I can write down my thoughts if there's something meatier to discuss.
     
  11. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Activity-based socializing is safer for me, but with a caveat that it's got to be an activity I'm partial with. Otherwise I clam and there's no socializing.
    But I much much prefer conversational ones. I might be better in this as well. That said, directly I still find myself having problems with talking / describing, so.. :|

    But I do prefer people who can switch around those two easily, in whatever strength.
     
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