Your private vs. public vs. social selves? | INFJ Forum

Your private vs. public vs. social selves?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Oct 6, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    What's the diff between your private vs. public vs. social selves?
     
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    #1 Gaze, Oct 6, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  2. Avva

    Avva Regular Poster

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    I try to be more social in public/social settings, but I fail miserably.
    Really, when I try too hard, I sound like retard :(
     
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  3. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    Yeah, i try a bit too hard sometimes and it probably seems obvious. Dosn't seem very authentic. But if I don't try, people tend to think something is wrong because i usually have a more serious expression on my face, so i try to suck it up and give them what they want.
     
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    #3 Gaze, Oct 6, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2010
  4. Avva

    Avva Regular Poster

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    I have that feeling too. I can even come off as unfriendly when I try too hard

    This is why I hate social occasions lol
     
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  5. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    it's funny, the key difference between extroverts and introverts is that introverts are observing themselves while they speak/act. This is never going to work. What's the worst that could happen if people think you sound like a retard? It's not like you're going to learn any other way than to go through what they have already been through.
     
  6. Avva

    Avva Regular Poster

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    Actually, what would happen is that I realize I sound like a retard. And when I realize that, I choke up even more.
    It seems it has gotten worse over the years, strangely enough.
     
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    I'm social, friendly and personable, not because I'm expected to, I just am. o_o

    I agree that people are expected to be that way tough, yet some people still decide to go fuck it and go wild hermit in the amazon forest =P
     
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    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    I think self consciousness may be the key. I am very self consciousness, and fairly self aware, so it's not in my emotional/personality vocab to not think about how i'm being perceived. Not that i think this is good, but it's not something which can be brushed off so easily, and it's not as simple as saying, "whatever, doesn't matter what people think."
     
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  9. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    Yes, it's not hard to learn in the opposite direction ;)

    it's called negative reinforcement.
     
    #9 dwr46y, Oct 6, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2010
  10. Avva

    Avva Regular Poster

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    That's what my friends keep saying. "Oh come on, just be social! Who cares what people think!"
    Yeah ... lol
     
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  11. magister343

    magister343 Permanent Fixture

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    Why should we care that we are expected to be social? What do you mean you don;t have a choice? I for one don't really change for an audience.
     
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  12. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I am actually very social. It is culturally influenced I think. I get along well with crowds and being in the spotlight as well. It doesn't really bother me.

    However, you only get sooooo close to me. I am very private and keep my secrets to myself, so to speak. That is not to say the I am fake, just very discreet.
     
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  13. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    I think my comments have taken away from the original question, just to restate

    What's the diff between your private vs. public vs. social selves?
     
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    #13 Gaze, Oct 6, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2010
  14. Nixie

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    Okay this will sound reallllyyyy mean but I don't mean it in an ugly way. In a social setting, I will act like I care. I don't normally remember names nor do I really like/dislike others--it is more like "disregard" "not important". I think this is my very strong INTJness coming thru.

    I can be social. I can be very entertaining. I can be funny and witty and charming.

    In private I am also those same things, but I really care. The people that I allow close touch my spirit. They affect me in profound ways, they make my life better and I cherish them.

    Why the difference? You have to understand that your spirit has value, that you have value and you should be careful with whom you share it with. It isn't really fake. Socially I am successful and I make an effort to make other's feel welcome and laugh. Laughter and Love are never fake. However, in reality, these people are only sooooo close to my real spirit.
     
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  15. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    I'm starting to rethink my question. To answer it, I'd say i'm a more sociable person than i used to be, easier to get along with, more relaxed outwardly in social settings, but i like a little space. I don't think i'm intentionally introverted but i think the stress of the performance in interpersonal interaction makes me withdraw sometimes - i become more introverted than i'd probably be if i didn't feel so stressed.
     
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  16. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Heh, forgive this but: Summary of topic: People are Bastards.
    Why else would they throw out someone who's doing their job well over how social they are?
     
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  17. Kavalan

    Kavalan Has risen

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    Honestly there is little that I see that changes from situation to situation. what there are I can't actively recognize and people from different spheres of my life meeting haven't made any comments about such things.
     
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  18. toska

    toska Community Member

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    My public and social self differs a lot depending on my mood. (I think this is because I'm bipolar.) When I'm depressed it takes a lot of effort to pay attention to people and think of anything to say in response because my mind.....goes.....so..........slow. I have no interest in anything. Then this causes me to become self-conscious and shy because I know my behavior is probably coming off as fake and weird because in reality I just wish people would leave me alone. I think people pick up on it. I wouldn't care if they ignored me, but I know they don't want to be ignored.


    When I'm in a good mood everything around me becomes interesting. I observe my surroundings more and become interested in people. I need more external stimulation. During these times I can carry on a conversation about anything with just about anyone. I lose my self-consciousness because my attention is focused on other people's reactions and noticing every detail around me.



    I would love to know the answer to this as well.
     
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  19. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    observations deleted. Just the original question remains.
     
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    #19 Gaze, Oct 7, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  20. Feelings

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    I can fit in nicely when I try hard. I can do it. I have enough social intuition. I just hate doing it because it feels like I'm pretending to be somebody who I'm not. I usually put in a mediocre effort to keep others comfortable around me. If I'm in a really bad mood I just won't care, and I'll be rather dismissive. Normally I think people would think I'm kinda weird, but not dislike me necessarily. I still minimize small talk, and can be pretty straightforward.

    Sandra says I'm much softer IRL than on the internet. I hardly ever swear in front of her, or say anything rude. I think I take more responsibility for others' feelings if they're physically present and can't get away from me. I can be more wild in text because I just think it would have less impact. Sandra also says that I can be very pleasant to talk to when I want to be, which I think is true too. I think I have both "I really care about you" and "this is for shits and giggles, I kinda care but not all that much" modes.
     
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