Would you rather...

Grasshopper

Grasshopper

Community Member
MBTI
INFP/J
Would you rather your closest friends be honest with you even if it hurts, or would you rather them tell you what you want to hear?

Maybe the answer seems obvious (honest even if it hurts) but I think that when it actually happens that our closest friends are honest with us and we are hurt, we get angry with them. Being aware of this I try not to do it anymore, but I used to.

What do you think?
 
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I would always prefer honest...and pure honesty...not brutal honesty based on hurt feelings...I think we all will tell little white lies not to hurt our friends...but honesty should always be there between friends...
 
It depends on how it's done. I wouldn't really appreciate it being harshly said. I know too many people (including myself sometimes) who often think that if the truth be told, it must be brutal honesty. Sometimes, that does more harm than good. I'd rather someone be honest, as long as they don't assume that they're necessarily right or correct, or think it's the only way to look at the situation.

If you're going to be honest, be kind.
 
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I tell myself that I prefer honesty and full truth from everyone because it won't lead to problems like lying will. Nevertheless, there are times where I just wish they would lie, but it is simply because I don't want to be hurt.
 
Tally-wa said:
Would you rather your closest friends be honest with you even if it hurts, or would you rather them tell you what you want to hear?

Maybe the answer seems obvious (honest even if it hurts) but I think that when it actually happens that our closest friends are honest with us and we are hurt, we get angry with them. Being aware of this I try not to do it anymore, but I used to.

What do you think?
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Honesty even if it hurts doesn't necessarily mean a lack of empathy or compassion, I try to find the ones that are honest, but caring as well. HARD to find!!!
 
I'd rather Janessa tell me what I want to hear cause that usually what she does anyway. Brutal honesty would be a shocker from her
O_O
 
It is.

I just wonder:
Why would someone want to be lied to about how wonderful they are though?

I suppose maybe someone with no self esteem would want dishonest friends too, though.
 
Nah, Janessa's one of my best friends and it's just her way. She isn't honest about what she thinks about anyone- she just keeps the bad thing to herself and is pretty much nice to everyone. I wouldn't want her to be any other way, because when she's tried to be brutally honest with people she doesn't have the stomach. It's just not her cup of tea.
 
I prefer honesty, but not brutal honesty. Things can be said without dropping the ball down somebodies throat too harshly.
 
For me, when someone close to me, asks me what is wrong and I tell them, what I tend to look for is honestly as well, although I DO feel I need to be HEARD by that friend as well... If the reply from the friend is brutal honesty, and it hurts, I usually will not display any feedback and I will shut down because I don't want my friend to feel bad for hurting me. Often though, it's not their honesty that hurts, it's their lack of really understanding my actual needs at that time which is usually just some kindness of words etc. There is a time and a place for bluntness... when someone's hurting, it's usually the right time to be empathetic to one's feelings and save the honest words coming from a place of caring, for later...

I usually know something for myself anyways, even when my friend offers their honest opinion. However, I am often times not looking for an opinion, I am looking for empathy. Just someone to tell me something like; "yea, that's tough I'm sure" or something to that effect.


if their response is logical yet void of compassion, I understand it is not because they do not care or love me, but it's simply not the kind of response I feel I need emotionally, even if it is correct... Always, I know the truth for myself, even if my friend tells me anyways. I just want support with my feelings, like some simple validation. Honesty is important yes, and I am always honest, even if others might not think so or think I am hiding things like my feelings/thoughts from them. Not so. Simply just trying to avoid anyone pain, and I weill continue to deal with my problems on my own, because usually, no one can offer me the words my emotions need to hear... I am a big girl and have survived this life so far, just that I am WAYYYY more sensitive than most people realize, and I don't want to cause them pain if they know they have upset me in any way.


Sometimes it is really hard to understand another person's problem and have empathy because at times, their pain will be over something that many other people would not be able to relate to.

It is important to remember though, that it is about the person who is experiening the painful issue, not about the way that you would see it perhaps. Disagreements happen, but they should be addressed afterwards, if at all sometimes, because sometimes the principle isn't about how illogical the person's pain is over something, but rather the principle is caring for another person while they're suffering. Suffering can usually be lessened when others offer simply care, not so much answers that we likely might already know while we are experiening our pain. If the a truth hurts, someone who is hurting over a truth is likely experiencing intense grief maybe...
 
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For the record, Slant.. I wasn't addressing you in my posts. I was musing generally. Only now did I just go back and read this whole thread. I wasn't analyzing your friendship per se.
 
Ria said:
There is a time and a place for bluntness... when someone's hurting, it's usually the right time to be empathetic to one's feelings and save the honest words coming from a place of caring, for later...

I usually know something for myself anyways, even when my friend offers their honest opinion. However, I am often times not looking for an opinion, I am looking for empathy. Just someone to tell me something like; "yea, that's tough I'm sure" or something to that effect.

To then have my friend dare me to tell them the truth about how I feel about their comment to me, seems to me as though they have missed something important entirely because I was being honest with them in the beginning when they asked me what was wrong...

if their response is logical yet void of compassion, I understand it is not because they do not care or love me, but it's simply not the kind of response I feel I need emotionally, even if it is correct... Always, I know the truth for myself, even if my friend tells me anyways. I just want support with my feelings, like some simple validation. Honesty is important yes, and I am always honest, even if others might not think so or think I am hiding things like my feelings/thoughts from them. Not so. Simply just trying to avoid anyone pain, and I weill continue to deal with my problems on my own, because usually, no one can offer me the words my emotions need to hear... I am a big girl and have survived this life so far, just that I am WAYYYY more sensitive than most people realize, and I don't want to cause them pain if they know they have upset me in any way.
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*And she reads my thoughts . . . again*

But so few understand these truths. Great post Ria.
 
Restraint said:
*And she reads my thoughts . . . again*

But so few understand these truths. Great post Ria.
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Thanks Restraint, I know you understand and it's comforting on this forum to be around others like me... You're awsome!
 
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