Would you ever give your parents advice?

[MissVeryMerry]

If you saw something that could be fixed or had an idea on how to help your parents resolve an issue or on-going argument, would you let them know? Or do you think its not your place to instruct your own parents on what you think is the best possible course of action? Would that be a lack of respect toward there own life experiance to assume you know better? Or is it too much of a risk of hurting there feelings (come on, your Kid is giving you advice?)?

 

[Soulful]

Yes, I have.

I would not be arrogant, cocky or assuming (I wouldn't do that with anyone). A simple, "I wonder if..." or "is it possible that..." or "it sounds like..." or "have you considered..."

The way I see it is that I wouldn't be telling them what to do, and I wouldn't assume I know better. I try not to do that with anyone when giving advice. But I don't think age has a monopoly on one's ability to figure things out or to propose valuable advice, and if I had something valuable to offer I hope they would be more interested in the advice than putting a lot of emphasis on titles and notions of parenthood and age, especially with an adult child.

Wisdom can come in a variety of packages.

At the end of the day, we're all people trying to make our way through life and share our realities with one another. A certain level of appreciation for the wisdom someone has gained, especially if that wisdom has benefitted you, seems fitting, but when it comes to it we're all just people. equals.

 

[MissVeryMerry]

Thats a good point, but it also puts a lot of trust to the parents not to over analyse the situation. You'd have to tip-toe and be respectful.

 

[acd]

I give my mom advice and suggestions in conversation and I ask her advice... I've never thought me giving her advice was out of place--and she has never indicated she didn't want my perspective. She usually asks me what i think about things. We both share things.

I guess I see my mom and I as equals. She brought me up and took care of me as a kid, but as we both age, I know the day is going to come when I have to take care of her (in whatever capacity) and having those kind of talks is just one way our relationship has evolved towards that point.

 

[MissVeryMerry]

Your relationship with your mom seem wonderful! I share a lot of things with mine, but my mom is very firm about keeping me out of her problems, even though I can always sense something is wrong anyway. I'm sure its her way of protecting me but it also defines the line in our relationship. Giving advice would probably go over it.

 

[Soulful]

Thats a good point, but it also puts a lot of trust to the parents not to over analyse the situation. You'd have to tip-toe and be respectful.

I'm not sure what you mean by trust and over-analyzing by parents.

Let's talk about my mom because things with my father are different. But with my mom, I would certainly not tip-toe. I would be my regular level of respectful as I strive to be with everyone. The only difference with the respect I may offer my mom is that it stems from a bountiful sense of appreciation. I'd be respectful to her as a way of expressing my appreciation for the things she's tried, and continues to try, to do for me. In spite of how it may sound, we don't have a great relationship, it's practically dead to be honest, but she has always treated me like an individual and an equal with rights and has never pulled the parent/control card on me. She's given in ways she knew how to, and I don't know how else to respond to that kind of kindness than with appreciation and respect. She wouldn't ever ask me to tip-toe, it's not in her nature, and she's not someone who would get offended by being given advice. She's fairly open in that regard and not very prideful at all.

 

[Whiskey]

My parents have been seeking advice from me since I was a young teenager. My mother really values outside opinions and I think needs them to make life choices. If either of them are making a bad decision I speak up. I nag my father about watching what he eats because he's diabetic. I nag him about getting off the couch and doing something with his life...not just waiting for his number to be up. He doesn't listen...but I keep doing it. When you get to a certain age the roles begin to reverse. You start becoming the parent. This really started happening for me in my late 20s when my dad retired. I never really seek advice from my parents anymore. I am most often giving it. It will continue to become more this way as they get older.

 

[lenina]

i regularly give my parents advice and they use what make sense and tell me what doesnt. it works both ways, some of their advice i dont think is right and i dont feel i have to take it. from one to seven the child is the master, from seven to fourteen the parent is the master and from fourteen on the parent and the child are advisors to one another. thats a saying in my faith. dont think most fourteen year olds now a days are ready for that, but certainly at 27 the advisor role works for both my parents and I.

 

[Apone]

I didn't do this until I turned 30... that was mostly because I hadn't done anything that they hadn't done until that point... and I never thought they needed my help.

They had never left North America and I kinda pushed them to start going on more trips (I started travelling a lot in the past 10 years)... I think they're happier because of it, and yeah, that kind of thing can help with the whole post-retirement blues.

 

[jimtaylor]

Yes but do I risk being hung by my toes every time I do so, no matter how "delicate" I am, hell yes.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

There is often a great discrepancy between how important a particular insight is to the person sharing it and to a listener.

Think about how many times you have been given advice by your parents and how few times you have actually absorbed it.


I think it is far more important to lead people to discover a particular insight for themselves. The first step in this is to get people thinking instead of just assuming, or just reacting.

If your parents are often arguing, you could perhaps ask for their advice on how to deal with disagreement, or conflict with someone you like/love. Once they have stated some sound principles, you can then turn it around (politely) and ask how often their principles helps them in their disagreements.

 

[CindyLou]

Haha I give my parents advice all the time! My Dad appreciates it and listens. My Mom gets pissed.

 

[MissVeryMerry]

There is often a great discrepancy between how important a particular insight is to the person sharing it and to a listener.

Think about how many times you have been given advice by your parents and how few times you have actually absorbed it.


I think it is far more important to lead people to discover a particular insight for themselves. The first step in this is to get people thinking instead of just assuming, or just reacting.

If your parents are often arguing, you could perhaps ask for their advice on how to deal with disagreement, or conflict with someone you like/love. Once they have stated some sound principles, you can then turn it around (politely) and ask how often their principles helps them in their disagreements.

That's brilliant! In my case that would be a much better option then just going out and saying what I think.

 

[WellNoWonder]

Usually they ask. My mom always asked me for advice when she was alive. My father does sometimes.

I usually give unsolicited advice to him if he starts beating up on himself about a decision he's made. He's an ENTJ so it's weird to see him in that mode, and I don't like seeing him that way because it means he's upset. Usually some outright telling him, "Don't do that to yourself, look at it this/that way." snaps him out of it.

 

[Vict]

Of course. I know things they don't, just as they know things I don't.

 

[Nixie]

I have a great relationship with both my parents. I am pretty outspoken but I don't think I "give advice". I generally see it as stating my opinion or giving a suggestion. I grew up in a house where it was common to give voice to our thoughts and they were respected. I have never craved acceptance from either of my parents and always knew they loved me. My mom and I have more of an equal relationship like [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION] mentioned. My dad and I have what I consider a 'mutal understanding'--we just leave things unsaid most of the time so when we do say mushy stuff it feels so much deeper and lovlier than if we went around hugging and whatnot. I think both my parents have a great deal of respect for me and I have a great deal of respect for them. I honestly don't understand it when people talk about not gettng along with parents and sibilings. I know on many levels that I was lucky to have a great home life growing up.