Why shouldn't I? | INFJ Forum

Why shouldn't I?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Faye, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I turned my computer back on for the sole purpose of writing this thread.

    Over the weekend, someone I know, who I'll call A, upset me. I deleted her phone number so that I wont talk to her, and I deleted her friend's phone number as well because it is clear that neither of them really want to associate with me. I'm about to delete them from my facebook friends as well, which means that they are lower than the 50 or 100 people on facebook that I'm friends with but whom I don't really know. I guess I added those people because they all have potential, but now these two girls don't have any potential as friends.

    My question though is this: is it alright for me to just cut people out of my life like this, by severing communication and then ignoring them? I've read that it is an INFJ thing to do, and I used to think that I don't do it, but now I'm realizing I'm actually one of the worst people when it comes to this. I will cut someone out of my life over a minor statement that I took personally and never look back. The reason is that it is so painful to try to deal with these things. If they don't want me in their life, the I don't want to be in their life.

    Okay, I feel better. I just went through facebook and my cellphone and deleted people. I don't have any friends from high school, and if a friend is someone you hang out with occasionally, I never had any friends in high school. I've tried to remove myself from that setting completely. I also hate the way my family lives, so that was a major factor in deciding to go to school over 1000 miles away.

    This is messed up. What would you do?
     
  2. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

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    I would consider if I've been judging too harshly or if I am justified to take these measures.

    I would take into account

    -The loyalty of a person/friend
    -The ideas they represent and how they relate to mine (ex. racism is a deal breaker)
    -What I can reasonably expect from the future of our relationship

    The core of all relationships is based on trust, without trust the chances of honest and strong communication is slim. Without communication the inner & outer worlds within the people of the relationship will probably be misrepresented.

    Since I prefer my relationships to be bullshit free, I would cut (and have) anyone from my closer circle that I cannot reasonable trust. That being said I rarely choose to cut people out of my life completely, I want to solve the problem and not over extend.

    Over Extending may often go against some of your core morals as you're blinded by anger and disappointment; this is often not the goal of an infj as it is highly self destructive.
     
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    #2 Naxx, Oct 5, 2009
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  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Oh shit, I do that all the time. I call it the "Friend Cull". Those who offer me no benefit, no warmth, or potential, or betrayers. They're all deleted and I try to make room for new people.

    Congratulations and I hope you do it more often to your own benefit.
     
  4. minkowski thermodynamics

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    LOL!

    I don't know how you do it, but you manage to sound simultaneously evil and "cute" (for lack of a better and manlier word...ahem...) at the same time. I suppose this is a key to your popularity on this forum.
     
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    #4 minkowski thermodynamics, Oct 5, 2009
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  5. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    You get to set your own boundaries and enforce them. That is the benefit of being an assertive human being.
     
  6. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    :) How was that either Evil or Cute?
     
  7. minkowski thermodynamics

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    The "Friend Cull" just sounds so ominous. I imagined you in a big, black robe with a big scythe like Death walking around "harvesting" the people you deem to be no longer friends.


     
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    #7 minkowski thermodynamics, Oct 5, 2009
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  8. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

  9. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    I do this too.
     
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  10. minkowski thermodynamics

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    Maybe it was the teddy bear that caused me to read it like that...:m083:
     
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  11. transcendentalethos

    transcendentalethos Community Member

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    Sadly, this is exactly what I would do and have done multiple times. Can't say I regret it, but I'm not thrilled either.
     
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  12. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    ........and that's why i don't have any close friends left

    ahahahahahahaha....... i think it's kinda bad but i was hurt and i just DO IT!!! hahahahah:m145:
     
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  13. Tamagochi

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    In my heart of hearts I never truly cut-off people - I always leave some way for them to return if they want it. Especially for those whom I have loved. And I believe everyone deserves a second chance. But not everyone is wise enough to use it.
     
  14. the

    the Si master race.
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    It sounds like you are being a drama queen and cutting people off from facebook is a very high school thing to do.
     
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    #14 the, Oct 5, 2009
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  15. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    when people have hurt me very deep by not trying to understand me, desert me, betray me or use me, it is very hard for me to forgive and forget. Even if I try, it is very hard for me to be normal around them and look them in the eyes. I would cut them off if they are single friends.
    But with people who are friends with friends, I can't cut off the whole group. So in that case I have to endure there presence and after a while the hurt fealing wears out and I'm able to act normal again. But I will never trust them again.

    me to, but they have to try to understand me and talk it through with me and apoligize but that hardly ever happens.
     
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  16. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

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    I agree with this to a certain degree. If it is out of spite then it is a very immature thing to do, however if it's to actually reflect your personal choice to no longer associate with a few select individuals then it's justified.

    Of course this is all person opinion, however in society the personal opinions of the masses often has a way to work into actual karma (which is just a spiritual way of saying mass cause & effect).
     
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    #16 Naxx, Oct 5, 2009
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  17. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Right, because if you no longer like someone, you should allow them in all facets of your life...

    Makes perfect sense.
     
  18. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I've never done this. It's actually really hard to hurt me enough to actually prompt me to do something like that -- I don't forge strong emotional connections to most people, and I don't give them any reason to have conflict with me. I suppose that's why I never thought of myself as being "sensitive."

    But I understand why you would. However, I would leave some way for them to contact you if they really wanted to try and make things right.
     
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  19. testing

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    Dragon, Holy crap, I do this. I've got a couple of decades on you, too, so I am ashamed to admit this habit hasn't improved even though I should know better.

    Wow.

    On the one hand, yeah, cutting people off can be a kind of "high school" thing to do. (Been there, done that.)

    On the other hand, there really, truly are what I like to call toxic people that you are better off without. Relationships should be bullshit-free! (LOL. Love that quote.)

    And if things are bad, and they are just Not.Going.To.Change....... well then, it makes no sense whatsoever to continue in a hurtful relationship. Expecially since the hurtfulness, I assume, is deeper and more profound than someone wearing the same dress as you to the prom.

    (Edited because I realized I was derailing your thread. Sorry.)
     
    #19 testing, Oct 5, 2009
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  20. Koba

    Koba Community Member

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    If I feel like someone crosses a line I will do something similar, although I will probably still be friendly-but-distant if I see them. The last time this happened was with a friend of a friend who lied to me for her own amusement and was more or less consistently disrespectful to me. Not really a problem with her personally as much as her actions went too far.

    I refused to do anything with my friend that involved this other person, even though this annoyed my friend quite a bit. I did not tell my friend the reasons behind this because I do not like to talk negatively about people to people other than them. I tend to feel that if they are getting along I should not interfere.

    I think it's OK to decide what terms you want to interact with people on. I don't use facebook and I'd just as soon keep a phone number for reference, although I don't use phones very much. So I don't have the opportunity for this kind of symbolic cutting out, defriending someone on myspace, etc. That stuff tends to be artificial and petty.

    Looking back I think approach has allowed me to circumvent a lot of the "drama" other people complain about. They see "drama" as something that is naturally there, but it is actually something they actively create.
     
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