Why did they have kids anyway??? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Why did they have kids anyway???

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Nixie, May 3, 2011.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Nixie
  1. bickelz

    bickelz BOINK

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2011
    Threads:
    48
    Messages:
    2,292
    Likes Received:
    542
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I was leaving to go to lunch from toy's r us this summer and I walked out the entrance instead of the exit because it was closer to my car. I forget the exact thing the mom said to the boy (~8) but he was playing has game boy and giving his older sister (~10) crap about something so she turned around in the entrance and said "Why don't you just shut that fucking thing off" or something to the effect of that. I was like "well I hope she's gone in thirty minutes". That's also a bad message to send to your kids: stfu but I'll buy you something.

    My dad was awful too. He said some weird shit. Like he said that since he brought me into this world, he had the right to "take me out". In essence, he'd kill me if I didn't obey. What a bastard, lolz. I give him so much crap now. I argue with literally everything that comes out of his mouth just to make his life difficult.
     
    jyrffw54 likes this.
  2. bickelz

    bickelz BOINK

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2011
    Threads:
    48
    Messages:
    2,292
    Likes Received:
    542
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I remember my psych teacher saying she noticed a trend of women saying they want a child because it will keep them company. I don't think it was a study, just an observation from a brilliant old lady. Regardless of whether or not it's an actual trend, it's not a healthy ideology. As a parent, you give to the child, not the other way around. You teach and nurture them. Let them develop.

    Dr. Phil gave the crappiest metaphor a few months ago. He said you need to tend to the garden to make it grow the way you want it to. This is why I don't like Dr Phil. Bro, let the garden grow naturally, the way it is supposed to be and it will be healthier by itself. Sure, you have to protect it, feed and water it but don't trim it. Metaphorical garden has no seasons in this case.
     
    poshlost likes this.
  3. Blind Bandit

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Threads:
    128
    Messages:
    3,785
    Likes Received:
    668
    Trophy Points:
    672
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    .
    This is a topic that makes my blood boil. I'm very weary of having children because mistakes that are made never really go away. Many parents think they do but they can be seen in older children and adults.

    I think to many people idealize having a child but never think past the idea of a cute baby. They don't think if they will be good parents. Worse they refuse to learn good parnting skills You don't know the number of times I've heard people rely on hear say and the past as good examples of child rearing. Its terrifying that people will ignore factual information on raising their child.

    I live by the idea that I can make a mess of my life. But I will not do the same to a child.

    I'm tired of seeing people men and women have children or parent in a way that's about they want not whats good for their kids.

    It comes back to take stalking as to one's own ability. There is a very good reason I don't want kids right now and probably in the future. I doubt I would be able to right by my kids. Do I have high standards yes I do. Do I wants kids yes. I would love to have kids some day. But I would rather not be a parent then be a bad parent.

    And lets face it i didn't have good role models. And no matter how much I've worked to not do the same thing and make the same mistakes I know its so easy to slip back into those
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. Blind Bandit

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Threads:
    128
    Messages:
    3,785
    Likes Received:
    668
    Trophy Points:
    672
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    .
    Yup

    The thing that's me the most is parents expect children to be little adults. Ummm hello? Sense when did people come fully grown from the factory?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. Galileo

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2010
    Threads:
    51
    Messages:
    1,355
    Likes Received:
    282
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    The Challenger
    I think in many cases it's simply that they just weren't ready for the responsibility of having a child, were too young when they got pregnant and don't have loving supportive families to help them cope.

    However I have met parents who are perfectly capable of losing their temper with small children on occasion but who, 99% of the time are excellent, loving parents.


    I am quite sure that if I become a mother I will lose my temper on occasion, it's just a matter of how I deal with it that's the issue.

    I think, especially as they get old enough to understand write, wrong and stupid/inappropriate behaviour, sometimes kids do need to be yelled at or see just how angry their behaviour has made their parents.




    and adoption, unfortunately isn't the safe haven it used to be for young parents who can't cope with their children. Children get older and have a right to the truth and thus the right to track their parents down and ask them uncomfortable questions.

    I'd actually like to see this more regulated. I know a young mother who wanted to give up her children for adoption but didn't because she herself was an unwanted child who didn't know her biological father and when she tracked him down he just didn't want to know her.
    and she didn't want to go through that 20 years on.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    DoveAlexa likes this.
  6. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,172
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5 or 5w4, so/sp/sx
    I do sometimes think parents (both, not just the woman as some might presume I mean) should have to be certified as 'ready' to have children. Emotionally, logistically, etc. It may seem unfair and restrictive ~but~ the alternative is a child who begins life at serious disadvantage; a child whose odds suddenly skew dramatically in favor of perpetuating the misfortune, etc. If people have to be trained, tested, and insured against driving a deadly weapon like a car, then they should also prove, to some small extent, at least, that they can handle the responsibility of raising a new life.

    I mean, I guess its a choice between two unfair options; is it more unfair to make prospective parents wait? or is it more unfair to subject a vulnerable and impressionable child to debilitating circumstances?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Galileo and Blind Bandit like this.
  7. Emjay

    Emjay Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2011
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    31
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    The other side of the coin here is the expectations of other people when you are out that you will "micromanage" your children's behaviour. There are people out there who don't believe children should be seen or heard anywhere and that normal toddler/child behaviour is something wrong to be stamped out. I'm deadly serious. And if you think I'm not, just wait till you have your own kids and you will see it for yourself. The opinion pages of the newspaper are full of comments from people who think children are being allowed to run riot in today's society and often, a lot of these people don't have children or they had children a very long time ago when that type of control and emphasis on obedience was considered normal. They also didn't mind giving their kids a clip over the ear for relatively minor infringements.

    Behaviour management now has moved to a guidance mode. We are supposed to show them what the right thing is to do and set boundaries for them. Sometimes this is easier to manage than others. Some days I am just too tired, one of the kids will do something silly or annoying and I might snap and yell at them. It happens. I apologise and tell them I was wrong to yell at them. I received a lecture from a taxi driver of all people just the other day who told me "They're just kids, don't be so hard on them" when I got cross at the boys for letting themselves out into a busy carpark when I had told them to wait. I said "Listen mate ... they might be just kids but I'm their mother and sometimes they need to listen to me and just do what I say".
     
    Blind Bandit, Galileo and ~jet like this.
  8. not sure

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2011
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    2,895
    Likes Received:
    646
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    N/A
    Enneagram:
    N/A
    I don't agree that anyone should yell at children, throw them into walls or do anything of that nature. However, children must learn how to behave properly in public regardless of their age and they can be taught to do so. The problem is that many parents wait until too late to start treating their children like persons instead of cuddly toys. I'm frankly sick of whiny, distracting children in public places. Children do not have to behave so. They can and should be trained. When my mom said sit and be quiet, it was done. My grandmother always said children should respond to a look and she is right. When a parent goes out in public to handle business they often have to bring their children along. Disobedient children and parents distracted by business are subject to more danger in a public places so, yeah parents discipline your kids just don't abuse them. For the longest while parents have been overly self-indulgent with their children and now when you look around it's a bunch of loud, obnoxious adults everywhere.
     
  9. Galileo

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2010
    Threads:
    51
    Messages:
    1,355
    Likes Received:
    282
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    The Challenger
    I think part of it is that sometimes you just have to yell or raise your voice at your children to get their attention when it is desperately needed like when in places where there are possible dangers, car parks, train stations etc, and a steady quiet voice just isn't going to make them take the same notice.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. not sure

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2011
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    2,895
    Likes Received:
    646
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    N/A
    Enneagram:
    N/A
    I can't dig it up right now but a study was done on this. Children actually respond better to a low, calm, firm masculine voice than a shrill, loud, female voice. Therefore, to be more effective the mother would be better off reducing her pitch and adding some steel to her commands. Yes, I do mean commands. I'm all for children being taught to question but there is a time and place.
     
  11. Candice_XX

    Candice_XX Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2010
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    18
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    <3
    Why they do have to have kids?

    Lack of education, including sexual education.
     
  12. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,172
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5 or 5w4, so/sp/sx
    Yuh, and as a result that Kid is likely to be less than educated as well, thus recycling the process. =(
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. Galileo

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2010
    Threads:
    51
    Messages:
    1,355
    Likes Received:
    282
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    The Challenger
    Not to mention the fact that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who are just too damned lazy to do something about birth control!

    seriously, I know so many people who respond with 'couldn't be bothered' when you talk about the pill or implants or anything like that, especially younger people.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit likes this.
  14. MindYourHead

    MindYourHead Courage doesn't always roar.

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    286
    Trophy Points:
    230
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I was raised the same way. Free to be me when at home as long as it wasn't destructive behavior.
    But it was also instilled in me that when in public I was to toe the line.

    I have seen parents get carried away and it saddens me.
    If the child is fussy and acting up, perhaps it's best to just leave.
    The child may be tired and cranky and just needs to chill out for a while.
    Screaming at them isn't going to calm them down.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    ~jet likes this.
  15. Blind Bandit

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Threads:
    128
    Messages:
    3,785
    Likes Received:
    668
    Trophy Points:
    672
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    .
    I just want to say I think many folks *I"m not talking about here or anyone person* are very unrealistic about kids. I expect to hear a kid scream or be upset when they are out in public.They are a person with a very short attention span. They get bored. Hell you drag me cloth shopping I might just whine too. T I hate the fact that everyone seems to think kids should just be quite and god for bid parents take their kid out in public least they act very bady.

    The only real place I would ask parents go outside is at at a movie. If there kid is crying. But most kids (none toddlers) tend to do ok at kids moves.

    Granted I'm not big on kids, so yes some kids annoying me. But I don't go to to a kid friendly place and then freak the hell out when there are kids around. I've talked to a lot of people who go to kid friendly places and freak out when low and be hold kids are around.

    I also hate that excuse that kids where some how behaved better so many years ago. I think that's a bunch of crap. People just have self commfration bias. And want to think kids where actually well behaved. Heck you just didn't see kids messing up. Becasue they maybe hid it better but or parents just weren't as in tune.

    I just hope if I ever kids I remember all the stupid crap I did. For example fill my dads truck with water. I wanted to help and I didn't know that water is bad for a gas tank. Or throwing glass at a wall and having my friend hit me in the leg with said glass. Or burying a fire work to see it explode the ground. Riding my bike without a helmet only to nearly smash my face into the ground. Or skipping school because I was depressed and sick of school. Nearly starting a car on fire for trying to jump start another car and not noticing the melted jumper cable. Oh the stupid things I've done and continue to do.lol
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. the

    the Si master race.
    Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Threads:
    479
    Messages:
    14,392
    Featured Threads:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8,727
    Trophy Points:
    1,112
    MBTI:
    ISTJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Sounds like acceptable parenting to me.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    1,206
    Likes Received:
    214
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Every now and again I'll come across a pregnant lady with some very unruly children and ask if they know what causes that. That being the state of pregnancy. If they have a sense of humor I get a laugh, if they have no sense of humor I get the finger and understand that they know exactly what causes it. I have a deep respect for parents that do the best that they can to raise decent human beings, but I find these apathetic breeders generating social parasites to be quite agitating.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit and Jill Hives like this.
  18. Galileo

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2010
    Threads:
    51
    Messages:
    1,355
    Likes Received:
    282
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    The Challenger
    I agree that kids do need to be kids sometimes and we can't expect kids to be well behaved all the time. shopping, doctors surgeries, long drives etc are all incredibly boring if you're a kid who wants to move about and touch everything and so on.

    However I do get annoyed when parents bring their babies/young children to something that is plainly not for a child, theatre, concerts, speeches etc when they are the sort of child who will cry or while [and understandably so] through most of it when others around them might be trying to listen and can also be distracting to a performer on stage.

    something that also really erks me is when parents, especially those parents of an almost newborn child will take that child on a long-hall flight which the child is too young to understand and dislikes intensely, especially take-off and landing and the different pressure etc. Not only is it really cruel to the child, but it's not all that great for those of us who have to listen to it...


    but other than those situations I have no problems with kids.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,172
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5 or 5w4, so/sp/sx
    Makes sense to me; A parent should absolutely understand that a child's mind is still growing, that selfish behavior is a survival technique most especially during the formative years when they can't fend for themselves, etc... while, at the same time, it's not a stretch of imagination to realize that they're being just as if not more selfishing bringing a screaming infant to the local theater where, you know, a hundred or more other people have paid for admission. Get a babysitter or rent it on DVD or something!

    As for babies and flights, I suppose sometimes circumstances just won't allow for doing otherwise, but yeah... that infant doesn't know how to pop its own ears... it must actually be painful in addition to being confusing.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2010
    Threads:
    105
    Messages:
    4,678
    Likes Received:
    1,559
    Trophy Points:
    323
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    LOL I feel like I lucked out reading these posts. My kid is an angel compared to some of what I'm reading in here.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page