Why did they have kids anyway???

[Nixie]

Okay, so I am here at the library cause of the free wi-fi and this woman is looking up a book on the computer. She has 2 kids with her. One kid is like clapping his hands and swinging his arms. The woman grabs his arm and throws him against the wall and tells him to be quiet or he will get in trouble. I cannot tell you how often I see crap like this and it pisses me off. I distinctly remember being outside a large store and hearing this woman berate a small child about 3 years old (barely able to walk by himself). Apparently mommy had bought him a toy and he was whinning (a bit) and wanted it. The woman stood next to this small child and screamed at him "me, me, me! What about what I want!" Yea, like a 3 year old could answer that.

So what do you think this is about? Rotten fucking parenting for sure but what is about controling small children that adults try and do it? Why do people feel the need to micromanage small children? I mean, damn, they are kids.

 

[Odyne]

Simply because they are not ready to be parents.

"What about what I want?" makes me think that the woman haven't gotten what she wanted out of life, her needs and desires aren't met, thus unable to give to her children unconditionally and selflessly...or at least reasonably. I imagine it's those people who fantasize about life being one way; love, romance, wedding, family, cute babies to play with, etc. and then bam! they suddenly discover it be some other way; diapers, sleepless nights, tuition, doctor appointments, etc. more responsibilities and obligations than expected and more than they can actually handle.


They have simply made the mistake of jumping into something they are not ready for.

 

[894tt3h9]

I think seeing something like that would infuriate me. When I see people abuse their children I often wonder if their child was a "surprise" and thus they punish it for ruining their lives.

I've never really witnessed any kind of abuse and have never been around it in my life so I can't say for certain. I just feel like some people should get neutered.

 

[Nixie]

I guess part of it is this idea that you can contain the actions of small children on every level. Sure children need to be socialized but damn some people take this to mean that children have no autonomy to be small children. Who gives a damn if the kid was swinging his arms? I mean he's a kid! Yea, I know parenting is tough and all that. I just see this as ways that parents crush a small kid's spirit.

My parents allowed us to be complete hooligans at home--we had free reign for the most part to laugh, yell, play and all that. However, we were expected to behave in public. I guess I never felt my parents were so harsh about constricting how I behaved or controlling about seemingly small actions.

 

[slant]

Okay, so I am here at the library cause of the free wi-fi and this woman is looking up a book on the computer. She has 2 kids with her. One kid is like clapping his hands and swinging his arms. The woman grabs his arm and throws him against the wall and tells him to be quiet or he will get in trouble. I cannot tell you how often I see crap like this and it pisses me off. I distinctly remember being outside a large store and hearing this woman berate a small child about 3 years old (barely able to walk by himself). Apparently mommy had bought him a toy and he was whinning (a bit) and wanted it. The woman stood next to this small child and screamed at him "me, me, me! What about what I want!" Yea, like a 3 year old could answer that.

So what do you think this is about? Rotten fucking parenting for sure but what is about controling small children that adults try and do it? Why do people feel the need to micromanage small children? I mean, damn, they are kids.

She got raped and republicans in their area banned abortion. She didn't have the heart to give the kid up once it was born.

 

[Siamese cat]

This would grate my nerves and my first reaction would be to think how bad parents they are, but I wonder if I'll think the same if I had kids someday.

 

[arbygil]

That's just...ooh, I'm with you, [MENTION=3096]Sonyab[/MENTION]. There is no reason to treat kids like this. Now I'm not a parent, but I tell you what: There's a reason why we have Trojans and the pill. Some folks need to take better advantage of those products, or they need to put their kids up for adoption.

There are so many kids out there who need good parents, and so many parents who need good parenting skills. I think, though, in some cases it's "parents" not knowing that it takes more than giving a kid an X-box or a TV or the latest toy. It's about spending time with them and getting to know them as individual folks, and setting boundaries. And it's about the parent themselves realizing that they don't have all the answers, and getting the help when they're not sure what to do.

That's missing too; parents used to be taught by their parents. But if they don't have that support...how will they know how to parent their children?

Bah...'course in the "old days" schools could parent the kids, too. I think I'd be afraid to grow up nowadays.

 

[slant]

Trojan and the pill doesn't help if you get raped and can't abort the kid. Then, you say, well give the kid away. And if you don't have the 'heart' to do that then you all of the sudden are a bad parent, yet, if you wanna kill the baby you're just as bad...or if you have lots of kids and give them up for adoption you're lucking out of responsibility....

some people have situations beyond their control.

 

[Nixie]

Uh yea, [MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION]; not really feeling your response here.
However, I am speaking of the need for parents to micromanage small children's behavior. It is bad parenting. It is harmful. Yet everyday, you can see small instances of parent's who seek to force their small children to "be still"--"be quiet"--"shut up"--"quit fidgiting" and such when such behavior isn't really wrong and just a natural part of being a small child. Political rants aside, I was just pointing out a difference in parenting that I did not experience as a child from my parents.

 

[slant]

Its also entirely possibly that the parents are mentally ill, and in which case, cannot be held responsible for their own actions.

 

[Siamese cat]

Uh yea, @slant; not really feeling your response here.
However, I am speaking of the need for parents to micromanage small children's behavior. It is bad parenting. It is harmful. Yet everyday, you can see small instances of parent's who seek to force their small children to "be still"--"be quiet"--"shut up"--"quit fidgiting" and such when such behavior isn't really wrong and just a natural part of being a small child. Political rants aside, I was just pointing out a difference in parenting that I did not experience as a child from my parents.

It is also possible that they are under so much stress that their view of what would be good is distorted. I'm not talking about people who are constantly micro managing. You can't judge a parent after seeing him doing something like this only once.

 

[Nixie]

I agree that you can't judge a parent after just seeing one interaction. I am really speaking in general about seeing such things all the time. I guess I see small children as free spirits and the need to control their behavior alien. I mean when they start screaming or are going to hurt themselves and such there is a need to step in and moderate their behavior. It just seems to be so negative to try and control such small behavior when children are naturally energetic.

 

[Detective Conan]

However, I am speaking of the need for parents to micromanage small children's behavior. It is bad parenting. It is harmful. Yet everyday, you can see small instances of parent's who seek to force their small children to "be still"--"be quiet"--"shut up"--"quit fidgiting" and such when such behavior isn't really wrong and just a natural part of being a small child. Political rants aside, I was just pointing out a difference in parenting that I did not experience as a child from my parents.

Not trying to take this out of context, but what tends to get on my nerves are parents that won't do such things when the behavior is obviously disruptive. For instance, there's this little stir fry place in my area that I visit just about every other weekend for a nice, mid-afternoon lunch. The way it works is you build your dish and take it to the grill for it to be cooked. A line forms, and the cooks keep track of the dishes so the wrong dish doesn't go to the wrong person. Even then, it happens from time to time, but that doesn't usually result in anything drastic as adults realize when a dish isn't theirs.

Now, last weekend, there was this little girl that kept running up and down the line. She cut in between so many people, that she actually ended up grabbing my dish instead of hers. Now, because I make my dishes super super hot (as in spicy), I could have done one of two things:

1. Let the parent, who was standing next to me, know that his daughter had taken my dish instead of hers and let the parent do as little as possible to correct his daughter.

2. Ignored it, take the daughter's dish, and let her learn the hard way why there's supposed to be proper behaviors in public areas.

Since I'm not a dick, I went ahead and let the parent know. He quickly got a hold of his daughter, didn't make her apologize or anything, and returned my dish back to me.

Now, this situation could have been avoided by either not taking her to a restaurant like this, or by simply supervising her and being a parent. I would prefer that parents exercise more control over their children (which isn't saying much at all, given how little control I observe parents exercising these days), as my parents did with me, because I feel that, otherwise, the children grow up to be brats, even when they reach adulthood.

Unfortunately, this isn't the only experience that comes to mind when I think of why parents need to be more strict with their children. This is just one of the more recent ones that actually disrupted my day.

 

[Nixie]

I agree that it is a balance. I did state that there is a need to socialize children which involves teaching boundaries. However, I still think micromanaging small behavior is harmful. I think the running and such you described is an example of a parent needing to step in. A small child swinging his arms did not.

There is this really weird parenting type who make their children strictly behave at home and then allow them to run like monkeys in public. Perhaps that is the type of parent you saw @Detective Conan; I had one friend who wasn't allowed to talk above a whisper at home but was a complete ass in public. That sounds like the little girl you witnessed.

It is all about how children become sociallized. Like I said, I was allowed to be a complete hooligan at home but was expected to toe the line in public. My parents weren't overly strict but firm.

 

[Detective Conan]

I definitely agree with the fact that micromanaging small, non-distruptive behavior is overkill. I guess I don't see that in practice, though; my experiences with poor parenting tends to be like that one I describe, where no parenting of any sort is really observed. I haven't personally seen the obsessive controlling behavior that you've described, so I guess that's why my mind jumped to where it did.

My parents balanced my behavior in both the home and in public. I was really a calm, chillaxed kid. I remember that quite a bit, so usually when I see kids behind overactive, I wonder what's so different.

 

[jyrffw54]

I agree, but I'd also like to point out that the same parents who are too strict are often the same ones that aren't strict enough. These are the worst ones because they're inconsistent. Let the kid get away with something wrong 5 times, and blow up without warning the next time.

Yeah, this is pretty much the way my parents are.

It's VERY annoying

 

[Detective Conan]

I agree, but I'd also like to point out that the same parents who are too strict are often the same ones that aren't strict enough. These are the worst ones because they're inconsistent. Let the kid get away with something wrong 5 times, and blow up without warning the next time.

There's definitely a balance parents need to find. Unfortunately, unless the government or some other agency steps in and starts issuing licenses for being parents, chances are those parents that are to one side or the other of the balanced curve won't understand how their actions impact their child later on in life. Either that, or they know exactly what they're doing, which would confuse me even more

 

[starshine]

Why do people get married and then divorced? Why do people cheat on their partners? Why do people maliciously murder others? Why do people beat their spouses, kids, pets, etc? Why? Why? WHY?!

I doubt any definitive answers can be drawn— only speculation based off observations and that lovely cognitive function intuition.

Possible conclusions:

Many people— don't think.

Some idealize parenthood to be some greatly rewarding (which I'm sure it is) endeavor that doesn't require near as much work as other parents always say it requires. They think, "it will be different with me and my kids."

Some people are selfish. They never let go of the selflessness, empathy, kindness, and patience it requires to raise a child.

They don't think of the utter-dependence that that being has on them, they are unable to fathom that a child does not have the cognitive development to understand the world around them like they do (as evidenced by many "parents" that yell at a baby or three year old for acting in a way that is only characteristic of their current level of development).

They don't look at the future. They don't think of the cost. The effort. The sacrifices. The care. That goes into parenthood before-hand. And when they bring a child into this world, they refuse to give it up.

And, I repeat myself: Many people— don't think. And many people are selfish— and they perpetuate this in their children, who perpetuate it in their children, who ... you get the idea.

Note: No, I am not a complete cynic, I think there are some wonderful parents and children out there; but the OP inquired about less than par parents ... and I feel quite passionate about the irresponsible behavior of many of my fellow citizens who take on this important role and don't take it seriously.

 

[dream echo]

I agree with the points made about inconsistency. Some parents do find it easier to give in than follow through.

I think sometimes parents have an idea of what children should be like, and when the child "fails," they feel the need to punish them.

My own parents were micromanaging, to the point I would get yelled at to lay the correct way in my bed.

Society does not help with its mixed messages. The expectations of cultures now and throughout history are constantly changing, and what was acceptable before in regards to discipline is no longer so.

If parents can simply remember that discipline is instruction; a form of teaching, and not something to be carried out due to emotion, perhaps we wouldn't have the problems we now do.

 

[poshlost]

I remember when I was 9 or 10, was at church and some woman in front of me just slapped her 5ish year old kid on the face telling him "STOP CRYING", then the kid would cry more because he got slapped in the face, so she'd proceed to slap him again telling him to stop crying because they're in church.

I was completely baffled then, still baffled now.