Who are you at this point in your life?
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
I am lost, but I am searching. I am broken, but mending myself as I make my way through this dark forest. Sometimes there is light that shines through the dense foilage, and it makes me smile, but I have a sadness and longing at my core that I am trying to find the solution to. I once thought I knew which direction to go, but that eventually was not meant for me. My quest goes on! *battle charge!*
This is a hard question, and most people rarely think about it normally. ( I guess. XD )
I don't have one absolute identity right now, since I have two (3) distinct "modes".
1) My 'normal' self. Only 'normal' in that way, that this is the more accepted behaviour from me in my current environment. The one who does the right thing, acts reliable, colder, etc... The one which I dislike, but I know that I need it to survive. >.<
2) 'Pup mode': My more child-like side. I like it more, I don't have to care about the stupid expectations, I just walk around the city, explore unknown paths in the woods, play with May bugs, take a nap in the middle of a field, stare at the sky, pick up the garbage other threw away (<- While doing this I think about that, how annoying humans can be...) and have fun. Although my collar (I got a new one not long ago, and I'm lovin it. :3 It is a really cute one. ), and the fact that I'm smiling (!) creeps some people out. XD But that doesn't matters since I don't really want to talk to them while I'm this way.
[3) The 'Leave me alone!!' mode: Not really distinct mode, but part of the 1st one, and worth mentioning. When I have a bad mood, and I don't want to trouble myself with humans...]
I hope this is a satisfactory answer.
TomarctusHU
I don't have one absolute identity right now, since I have two (3) distinct "modes".
1) My 'normal' self. Only 'normal' in that way, that this is the more accepted behaviour from me in my current environment. The one who does the right thing, acts reliable, colder, etc... The one which I dislike, but I know that I need it to survive. >.<
2) 'Pup mode': My more child-like side. I like it more, I don't have to care about the stupid expectations, I just walk around the city, explore unknown paths in the woods, play with May bugs, take a nap in the middle of a field, stare at the sky, pick up the garbage other threw away (<- While doing this I think about that, how annoying humans can be...) and have fun. Although my collar (I got a new one not long ago, and I'm lovin it. :3 It is a really cute one. ), and the fact that I'm smiling (!) creeps some people out. XD But that doesn't matters since I don't really want to talk to them while I'm this way.
[3) The 'Leave me alone!!' mode: Not really distinct mode, but part of the 1st one, and worth mentioning. When I have a bad mood, and I don't want to trouble myself with humans...]
I hope this is a satisfactory answer.
TomarctusHU
Whew...good question Res.
Who are we at any one time? Wouldn't you say we wear many hats that represent a role we play throughout the days.
After all of these years my closet is full of hats. I'd say I've been very lucky to have a closet so full of them.
I was a student, a dutiful daughter, a wife, a friend, a horse rider, an engineer, an business manager, an accountant, back to student again, a programmer, a person who lived up north, back to person who lives down south, and on and on.
I can say I have been and still am best friends with a few people for most of my life. In that view - I am a rock. I am still a rock to many many people. Their lives dance and swirl around me and when they need rest and comfort - they come sit by me - because I'm a rock. That role has never changed.
I've been married a couple of times - and now I do not wish to be married ever again. I no longer wish to wear that hat.
My professions have changed seemingly with the wind. I think I've finally settled on one - well - maybe...hahahahaha. Yet - I still find that people spill their guts to me as always and I validate them the best I can.
There is one significant thought that comes to mind: I seek opportunities to play more now than I ever have. I realize the value of playing to my well being. I seek chances to laugh more as I am very aware of the benefit of that to me. I resist the temptation to look at the news often. This is a complete change from the very serious and controlling person I was 5+ years ago.
I was an arrogant, know it all, controlling, serious rock whom everyone talked to.
Now - I'm a playful, hugging, who gives a shit, rock whom everyone loves to talk to.
I like it.:lol:
Who are we at any one time? Wouldn't you say we wear many hats that represent a role we play throughout the days.
After all of these years my closet is full of hats. I'd say I've been very lucky to have a closet so full of them.
I was a student, a dutiful daughter, a wife, a friend, a horse rider, an engineer, an business manager, an accountant, back to student again, a programmer, a person who lived up north, back to person who lives down south, and on and on.
I can say I have been and still am best friends with a few people for most of my life. In that view - I am a rock. I am still a rock to many many people. Their lives dance and swirl around me and when they need rest and comfort - they come sit by me - because I'm a rock. That role has never changed.
I've been married a couple of times - and now I do not wish to be married ever again. I no longer wish to wear that hat.
My professions have changed seemingly with the wind. I think I've finally settled on one - well - maybe...hahahahaha. Yet - I still find that people spill their guts to me as always and I validate them the best I can.
There is one significant thought that comes to mind: I seek opportunities to play more now than I ever have. I realize the value of playing to my well being. I seek chances to laugh more as I am very aware of the benefit of that to me. I resist the temptation to look at the news often. This is a complete change from the very serious and controlling person I was 5+ years ago.
I was an arrogant, know it all, controlling, serious rock whom everyone talked to.
Now - I'm a playful, hugging, who gives a shit, rock whom everyone loves to talk to.
I like it.:lol:
I'm more lonely than I've ever been in my life, but at the same time more of myself.
I feel myself approaching a major cross roads.
I'm at a point where I wish I didn't have to be tied down to a career, to life.
I want to keep floating, dancing to my life's drum beat.
I am everywhere and nowhere,
Nobody, but someone special.
I am starting to feel like an adult, but I still have the mind of a child.
I feel inner conflict,
A need for more change,
to get away,
start over somewhere unfamiliar
I feel myself approaching a major cross roads.
I'm at a point where I wish I didn't have to be tied down to a career, to life.
I want to keep floating, dancing to my life's drum beat.
I am everywhere and nowhere,
Nobody, but someone special.
I am starting to feel like an adult, but I still have the mind of a child.
I feel inner conflict,
A need for more change,
to get away,
start over somewhere unfamiliar
I am the same person I always was but a tiny fraction less judgemental; much more unsure of what it is I think I know and; a little more aware of the benefits of being an emotional being (ie. human).
Honestly, I have no IDEA who I am...it's as you said Res, "Identity is not always set in stone. We change, develop, grow, evolve"....I don't know if this is just an INFJ thing, but my personality is (although functionally integrated and valuing integrity a great deal) is very, VERY fluid, but a few things that are consistent, are my ideals, values, and my principles, my passionate and subtle personality, my thirst for knowledge, and competence in everything, and my desire to help, and support others to the nth degree 
...also I make a great leader despite being so quiet because I'm good at accessing the strengths, and weaknesses of every person around me and knowing how to motivate, and make use of them most effectively...doesn't help to have an innate understanding of psychology on your side either just sayin'....
I am currently going through the "Dark Night of the Soul" if any of you are familiar with that; if not, it's a period where the intrinsic value of your life, and all things in relation to it, are suddenly and VERY painfully ripped away from you; you exist in a black void of numbness, and slowly you well up with anger at being so numb and when the numbness wins out, you want to be unconscious because the pain is unbearable....I came through THAT part of this looooong phase, but I haven't QUITE gotten to where I wanna be, but I am feeling like I'm experiencing my "True Self" for the first time in my life; my emotions have been guiding me more now then ever, and they are my greatest personal asset in discovering who I am.....feels great
...also I make a great leader despite being so quiet because I'm good at accessing the strengths, and weaknesses of every person around me and knowing how to motivate, and make use of them most effectively...doesn't help to have an innate understanding of psychology on your side either just sayin'....I am currently going through the "Dark Night of the Soul" if any of you are familiar with that; if not, it's a period where the intrinsic value of your life, and all things in relation to it, are suddenly and VERY painfully ripped away from you; you exist in a black void of numbness, and slowly you well up with anger at being so numb and when the numbness wins out, you want to be unconscious because the pain is unbearable....I came through THAT part of this looooong phase, but I haven't QUITE gotten to where I wanna be, but I am feeling like I'm experiencing my "True Self" for the first time in my life; my emotions have been guiding me more now then ever, and they are my greatest personal asset in discovering who I am.....feels great
Last edited:
I've achieved a lot of my dreams except for the whole settling down, getting married and buying a house thing. Given the state of the economy, I'm incredibly fortunate to not only have a secure job, but one I love doing. So I'm just enjoying life right now.
I do want to settle down and probably will within a few years. But it'll have to be tailored to me and the woman I'm with; to suit our druthers. I don't want the typical American Dream - you know, me being a dedicated company man and wifey hosting cocktail parties. Two kids with crew cuts tagging along, everyone looking and being perfect. Fuck all that.
I do want to settle down and probably will within a few years. But it'll have to be tailored to me and the woman I'm with; to suit our druthers. I don't want the typical American Dream - you know, me being a dedicated company man and wifey hosting cocktail parties. Two kids with crew cuts tagging along, everyone looking and being perfect. Fuck all that.
