When are you being extroverted and when are you just spoiling others experience? | INFJ Forum

When are you being extroverted and when are you just spoiling others experience?

Lark

Rothchildian Agent
May 9, 2011
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I was wondering about this the other day after reading some guidance/postcard things which were visual prompts to people to switch of their mobile phones in theatres, meetings etc. because it would spoil their experience.

It was on a website called the art of manliness which is kind of retro and has a clear dislike for cell phones, I dont care too much about cell phones or people using their phones, it can give you a clue sometimes as to whether or not they are really present or not.

Anyway, it made me think about socialising and how a lot of people need or use alcohol as a way to become less socially inhibited and wondered if this was as much a socially constructed thing, people make casual conversations in a bar selling alcoholic beverages, sometimes even if they themselves are not drinking alcohol, but they wouldnt dream of doing it in a cafe, perhaps with a chatty barista but that's the height of it.

I then thought perhaps I was engaging in a bit of extrovert musing, people probably dont go to the cafe with a view to striking up conversations, maybe that would be spoiling their experience of going to a cafe. What do you think?​
 
I am not sure as any extroverted action on my part is a short lived affair so I gravitate towards quieter places. I would say that even if a person is drinking their introverted side may still dominate because that is their core so Idk, the environment should not really matter.

I hope I have understood what you have said correctly.
 
More exovert when drinking. Also can become exoverted when I recognize its the quickest way to get away from someone or something.
 
I am extroverted in this forum. I am introverted in my room. ['-'] ?
 
I think that two people sitting at a table both looking at their phone is one of the saddest sights.

And also alcohol is awesome if used correctly.
 
I think that two people sitting at a table both looking at their phone is one of the saddest sights.

Hah, I know right? It's hilarious when you know they're all texting each other instead of talking when they occasionally look up at each other and all laugh at the same time.

I don't know, unless you're in a place that is specifically designed to be a place of quiet and solitude, there's nothing to stop you from striking up a conversation with a person you think is interesting. If they're not interested in conversing with you, generally, they'll signal it or make an excuse to leave or check their phone. It only becomes a faux pas when the conversation isn't flowing or the person is uncomfortable but you just can't seem to take the hint.

Also something to consider: sometimes I'm not in the mood for talking when I'm casually chatted up by a stranger, but depending on the person's personality and the way they engage with me, I can and do change my mind and find myself wanting to converse with them more. I would think its the same with other people.
 
I will almost always make a comment to complete strangers if the mood strikes me. This has gotten easier with experience and with feeling comfortable with who I am. I don't, however, count that as extroversion because what I say is almost always completely disconnected from what is going on inside my head/heart and is therefore not the true me.

I would say I am most truly extroverted with my inner circle with whom I share my true identity.
 
I once had too many, got rowdy, and ordered a huge bottle of wine that the guest of honor didn't care for. Later, she threw up pretty bad.

Some definite guilt there.
 
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Hah, I know right? It's hilarious when you know they're all texting each other instead of talking when they occasionally look up at each other and all laugh at the same time.
Lol, at first I read "sexting".. you know they're all sexting each other instead of talking when they occasionally look up at each other and all laugh at the same time. :)
 
I think the hallmark of being extroverted is that you don't worry that you are ruining someone's experience by being there or engaging others in conversation. Just saying....
 
When I've been drinking I get very extroverted. My personality stays basically the same but I share my thoughts openly with everybody instead of keeping them to myself, I speak louder, I stand closer to other people and I get touchy feely, and I get all silly and goofy which I usually reserve for when I am by myself.
 
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I think the hallmark of being extroverted is that you don't worry that you are ruining someone's experience by being there or engaging others in conversation. Just saying....

But surely you cant conflate being a jerk with being an extrovert or being inconsiderate with being extroverted?
 
But surely you cant conflate being a jerk with being an extrovert or being inconsiderate with being extroverted?
*keeps a straight face*

Yes. Thats EXACTLY what I'm saying. Freaking Extroverts!!!
 
Some of it could be a social value that the person always carried with them too. Or maybe a ritual to get out and think, or unwind. I have known plenty of people who go to a bar simply to get a drink and quietly observe, or watch tv. Cellphones could simply be the catalyst to a conversation starter; observing another and then researching material the person may be interested in, in event they do strike up a conversation. Or holy crap I can't go anywhere without my phone because there's always something on You Tube I need to show people.

My family always had coffee with every meal and upon observing me people may assume I got a coffee because I was going to socialize. Most of the time I enjoy coffee with my meals because I'm just used to us having it.

Then it is possible some extroverts still get a twinge of social anxiety for whatever reason and the alcohol was there to help find the conversations...Even if at one point the conversations become something that people quickly tire of. Then often people will say they cannot stand being around someone drinking unless they too are drinking--then the experience becomes mutual for some.
 
Maybe there's no such thing as extroversion and it's all just about spoiling things for others.