What is the hardest thing you have ever done?
- Thread starter Faye
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This is rough reliving this so if you don't want your night ruined try not to read further. Some folks might not like the emotions or mental images it brings forth, I don't.
My sister and brother in law's rottie was impregnated by another dog, I still do not know what sort of dog it was. A little back story, my brother in law P got this dog as a puppy from a roommate. Marlie was what he named her, she was a runt and suffered from scabies I think it is called. I played with her even though she looked so rough, the poor little darling was suffering but just ate up every bit of attention she could get. She eventually made it through the scabies and grew up to be a very healthy girl, I can remember so many wonderful days playing with Marley...she'd stink to high heaven some days but I'd still roll around in the dirt with her.
Anyways she got pregnant and had a litter of puppies. The puppies seemed healthy enough at first, she cared for them as best as she could. After a few days she just left them alone, all I can figure is that she sensed something was wrong with them and knew there wasn't anything she could do. I was sleeping over at their place one night and my sister woke me up and asked me to take care of them, but I asked her what was wrong? She showed me the puppies, they were still alive but they smelled horrible...rotten, maggots were in one of them crawling out of where the little guy's backbone should be. I have no clue to this day what was wrong with them, they couldn't afford a vet trip, I couldn't afford to help them out like that. So my sister was asking me to do what had to be done, the humane thing. Now P is older than me but younger than my sister, he's got a pretty big heart like me but I guess maybe my sister didn't think he could handle it emotionally...I didn't handle it very well emotionally. I'm not going to go through the whole act on here, it is way too macabre..but I didn't use poison, I took care of it manually. This is the only time I've ever taken a life and in this case it was a litter of innocent souls that should have had a better opportunity than what they got. I killed em and buried em, asked god to help them find a better life the next time around and apologized that I couldn't do more to help em live or make it easier for them to pass on. That was the hardest thing I've ever done and I think about it fairly often.
The second hardest was when my sister and brother in law moved to Alaska. They couldn't take Marley with them, she was suffering from hip dysplasia and advanced arthritis and they knew she'd just suffer even more in that cold climate. Plus they couldn't afford to ship her and I nor my parents had anyplace to keep the dog. Sadly she didn't do well with people outside this small group that she trusted, so we couldn't ask anyone to take her in for the last years of her life. So my sister decided to have her put to sleep. The hard part was sitting in the floor with Marley's head in my lap, stroking her fur and scratching her behind the ears as her soul passed on. She wasn't in any pain at that point but I damn well wished I was in a better situation to have some way to have cared for her so it wouldn't have come to this. My sister was very upset, so upset she wouldn't think of taking Marley somewhere to bury her...I offered, I thought it was the least I could do for such a wonderful companion. I'm still angry and sad over her body being treated like some piece of meat, likely burned but still...should have had some sort of ceremony.
My sister and brother in law's rottie was impregnated by another dog, I still do not know what sort of dog it was. A little back story, my brother in law P got this dog as a puppy from a roommate. Marlie was what he named her, she was a runt and suffered from scabies I think it is called. I played with her even though she looked so rough, the poor little darling was suffering but just ate up every bit of attention she could get. She eventually made it through the scabies and grew up to be a very healthy girl, I can remember so many wonderful days playing with Marley...she'd stink to high heaven some days but I'd still roll around in the dirt with her.
Anyways she got pregnant and had a litter of puppies. The puppies seemed healthy enough at first, she cared for them as best as she could. After a few days she just left them alone, all I can figure is that she sensed something was wrong with them and knew there wasn't anything she could do. I was sleeping over at their place one night and my sister woke me up and asked me to take care of them, but I asked her what was wrong? She showed me the puppies, they were still alive but they smelled horrible...rotten, maggots were in one of them crawling out of where the little guy's backbone should be. I have no clue to this day what was wrong with them, they couldn't afford a vet trip, I couldn't afford to help them out like that. So my sister was asking me to do what had to be done, the humane thing. Now P is older than me but younger than my sister, he's got a pretty big heart like me but I guess maybe my sister didn't think he could handle it emotionally...I didn't handle it very well emotionally. I'm not going to go through the whole act on here, it is way too macabre..but I didn't use poison, I took care of it manually. This is the only time I've ever taken a life and in this case it was a litter of innocent souls that should have had a better opportunity than what they got. I killed em and buried em, asked god to help them find a better life the next time around and apologized that I couldn't do more to help em live or make it easier for them to pass on. That was the hardest thing I've ever done and I think about it fairly often.
The second hardest was when my sister and brother in law moved to Alaska. They couldn't take Marley with them, she was suffering from hip dysplasia and advanced arthritis and they knew she'd just suffer even more in that cold climate. Plus they couldn't afford to ship her and I nor my parents had anyplace to keep the dog. Sadly she didn't do well with people outside this small group that she trusted, so we couldn't ask anyone to take her in for the last years of her life. So my sister decided to have her put to sleep. The hard part was sitting in the floor with Marley's head in my lap, stroking her fur and scratching her behind the ears as her soul passed on. She wasn't in any pain at that point but I damn well wished I was in a better situation to have some way to have cared for her so it wouldn't have come to this. My sister was very upset, so upset she wouldn't think of taking Marley somewhere to bury her...I offered, I thought it was the least I could do for such a wonderful companion. I'm still angry and sad over her body being treated like some piece of meat, likely burned but still...should have had some sort of ceremony.
well i was gonna say some stuff that i thought was hard but this guy just made all my worries seem like spilled milk
Try not to look at any of the threads as a one upping situation bud. Cept maybe some of the joke threads where that is the sole purpose.
Sharing with complete strangers can be very cathartic if you feel comfortable opening up. After some time spent here you'll find it to be a very welcoming environment overall with some interesting folks, then you'll be sharing moreso with a community you know.
Sharing with complete strangers can be very cathartic if you feel comfortable opening up. After some time spent here you'll find it to be a very welcoming environment overall with some interesting folks, then you'll be sharing moreso with a community you know.
I'm not super comfortable going in to details, but standing in court after being arrested (for a completely non-violent misdemeanor that has been cleared up and taken care of) was terrifying to say the least. I am so glad those days are behind me, and it's hard to believe it's been so long since the court date. It's all vividly ingrained in my mind. I learned a lot from that experience though, and wouldn't take it back.
Deciding not to kill myself, change my life for the better, come out of my shell, and make friends as much as I can. All this happened in the same year, one horrible year in Texas.
Hmmm that is some hard stuff my friend.
You know one the hardest things I ever had to do was to fogrive myself for not being their my dog Rourke was put down. Sorry for the repeat but your story triggered old memories.
He was put down in our house. But I was to afraid that I would lose if I was there when they did it. I still really haven't gotten over the fact that my mom was there for him but I wasn't. He had cancer in his throat and face and it just happened so face he went from being ok to horribly sick and in pain in about two weeks. I wonder often times if he was curious as to where I was when he was passing over.
I actually helped bury him. He was rapped in my old robe. He loved to lay on it.lol And when I picked him up his head slumped against my shoulder I nearly lost it. I just wanted to tell him how much I missed him. I couldn't break down as my mom was there and of course she didn't want to break down. But I wish I had down it myself then I could have held him and cried all I wanted. But I still remember setting him in that hole and hating myself for it.
Another hard problem getting through the years I was severally depressed I wanted to kill myself. I had no reason to live not even just to survive. I felt black always black. Like I could never recover. Not trying to kill myself no matter how much it seemed to make sense. Trying to find meaning in nothing. That was the hardest time I've dealt with and it never completely went away.
@ Skathac: That's very sad, but you did the right thing with that litter. By the sound of it, it seems like even if you had been able to take them to the vet, they were probably too far gone. That's a really tough position to be in, especially for a gentle soul, but you did the kindest thing you could do.
@Blind Bandit: I understand why you didn't go. My own mother says she doesn't want me to go to her funeral when she passes because she knows I can't handle it. I can't handle situations like that. I've broken down at a complete stranger's funeral. I can understand how the idea of watching a loved pet be put to death could be intense. I wouldn't let it haunt you, though. I'm sure he had no idea what was going on and his passing wasn't anything but a slow fall into sleep for him regardless of where you were.
As for me, I don't think I have a hardest thing yet. So far, I'd say the hardest thing I've done is what I do every morning - get up and keep living. It sounds morbid, I know, I hate the way it sounds. But I'm just kind of a stick in the mud right now... it's not any kind of self-loathing, "oh woe is me" type thing... I just don't care. About anything. I have no interest in anything. It's like... like I turned off. And I can't figure out how to turn back on. So right now the hardest thing is continuing to go through the motions, not letting my life go to shit when it's really hard to care.
@Blind Bandit: I understand why you didn't go. My own mother says she doesn't want me to go to her funeral when she passes because she knows I can't handle it. I can't handle situations like that. I've broken down at a complete stranger's funeral. I can understand how the idea of watching a loved pet be put to death could be intense. I wouldn't let it haunt you, though. I'm sure he had no idea what was going on and his passing wasn't anything but a slow fall into sleep for him regardless of where you were.
As for me, I don't think I have a hardest thing yet. So far, I'd say the hardest thing I've done is what I do every morning - get up and keep living. It sounds morbid, I know, I hate the way it sounds. But I'm just kind of a stick in the mud right now... it's not any kind of self-loathing, "oh woe is me" type thing... I just don't care. About anything. I have no interest in anything. It's like... like I turned off. And I can't figure out how to turn back on. So right now the hardest thing is continuing to go through the motions, not letting my life go to shit when it's really hard to care.
I know what you mean. Its so hard to keep giving a shit. I wish people understood how awful this feels. *hugs* Just know your not alone a lot of us are either are there or have been there. I just wish there was a cure. And I wish I was better and going through the motions.
Thanks.
Just those words "I know what you mean" are a bit relieving. I feel like what I'm feeling is a bit different than what I've heard a lot of people experience, so it kind of worries me more, you know? I can't say, oh, I'm probably just bipolar or suffering from severe depression from when _____ died. I don't have any mood disorder except for possibly GAD, and I had no traumatic event. Well actually, I think I know what triggered these feelings, but it's not THAT huge a deal. I dunno, I just feel like if I can find something to care about, I'll stop feeling this way. Regardless, I appreciate your empathy. In this case it's consoling for me to hear someone say they can relate to what I'm feeling. Makes me feel more hopeful.
Facing myself honestly and giving up the lying and personal deceit that I am sooooo good at; it is so difficult that I am still working on it.
Also, taking others into consideration when it is so easy to just serve myself, that is a toughie too.
Also, taking others into consideration when it is so easy to just serve myself, that is a toughie too.
Surviving my childhood (mentally and physically) whilst coming out the closest whilst breaking away from abusive persons and no I would not change any of it as it has made me who I am today and I like who I am :love:
Recovering from BDD (Body Dismorphic Disorder). I didn't go to an institute or anything, but it was a very painful time at home as my sister had it too - that weird thing were symptoms of mental disorders spreads. There was a lot of 'facing' myself and realising that there was something wrong and sticking with people who didn't know anything about it (e.g. friends). Still got a couple of weird behaviours (e.g. looking in windows - not even sure why, it's like I'm checking my face is still there or something) to deal with it today, but they don't affect my life anymore
Second hardest... Maybe seeing my dad in hospital after a severe head injury and him being so disorientated that he only just about knew who I was.
Second hardest... Maybe seeing my dad in hospital after a severe head injury and him being so disorientated that he only just about knew who I was.
Wow. Skathac's story really triggered a waterfall of tears in me. And then reading about you guys have trouble going on every day made it gush.
There were times in my life that I seemed to feel the pain of the whole world and it would lodge deep down in my soul. It was so hard to put one foot in front of the other and go on with my daily life. What was the point?. So much insanity of the people - all that anger and hatred and greed. My personal theory is that we empaths - intuitive types - can tap into the anger and pain of the majority of the people on this planet. It took me years to dis-entagle myself from it. This may sound silly - but the way I did it was to imagine a white light shield around my whole body while meditating. I would breathe into my heart and think of the love that others had for me. These last 2 years of doing Loving Kindness meditations have helped tremendously. It keeps me focused on the positive energy out there and in turn I radiate it out into universe around me. I highly recommend Loving Kindness or Metta meditations.
When I was young and living in the country a filly was born that was to be mine. I was fortunate to watch her grow and I learned how horses play. We even played hide and seek amongst the big oaks out in the pasture. She became a best friend of sorts for me and I had her for 10 years.
Then Dad forced me to sell her. When the people came with the horse trailer, my mare would not go inside, no matter the tactics used by them and Dad. Finally they came to me for a solution. The only thing I could think to do that would not involve violence to her was to trick her by telling her I was going with her. So I got some feed, showed it to her, talked to her and walked into the horse trailer with her right behind me.
I have never felt so bad in my whole life as I did that day. I never saw her again.
My heart breaks again at this memory from so long ago....
There were times in my life that I seemed to feel the pain of the whole world and it would lodge deep down in my soul. It was so hard to put one foot in front of the other and go on with my daily life. What was the point?. So much insanity of the people - all that anger and hatred and greed. My personal theory is that we empaths - intuitive types - can tap into the anger and pain of the majority of the people on this planet. It took me years to dis-entagle myself from it. This may sound silly - but the way I did it was to imagine a white light shield around my whole body while meditating. I would breathe into my heart and think of the love that others had for me. These last 2 years of doing Loving Kindness meditations have helped tremendously. It keeps me focused on the positive energy out there and in turn I radiate it out into universe around me. I highly recommend Loving Kindness or Metta meditations.
When I was young and living in the country a filly was born that was to be mine. I was fortunate to watch her grow and I learned how horses play. We even played hide and seek amongst the big oaks out in the pasture. She became a best friend of sorts for me and I had her for 10 years.
Then Dad forced me to sell her. When the people came with the horse trailer, my mare would not go inside, no matter the tactics used by them and Dad. Finally they came to me for a solution. The only thing I could think to do that would not involve violence to her was to trick her by telling her I was going with her. So I got some feed, showed it to her, talked to her and walked into the horse trailer with her right behind me.
I have never felt so bad in my whole life as I did that day. I never saw her again.
My heart breaks again at this memory from so long ago....
Wow, some really rough stories here. Thank you all for sharing your souls with us!
The hardest thing I've ever done wasn't so much a painful experience as just... well, difficult! It was studying abroad in France my sophomore year (second semester) of college. I'm VERY close to my family and also at that time was suffering from untreated Generalized Anxiety Disorder (had been since I was a kid), so it was actually a really difficult experience. But it was something I knew I had to do, as I was a French major, and there were also wonderful and amazing things about it too, of course.
It was in France that I was actually first treated for my anxiety - during much of the semester, I suffered from extreme anxiety and the physical symptoms that come with that. I finally went to a French doctor who was very sweet (called me "vous" during the interview portion of the appointment at her desk, and switched to "tu" during the exam... those of you know are familiar with this concept will understand how it was designed to make me feel comfortable) and told me it sounded like everything was caused by anxiety. She prescribed Xanax which got me through till the end of the semester, and as soon as I got back, I went to my regular doctor who put me on Zoloft... and I was finally free of the hypochondria and debilitating fear of cancer and other illnesses I'd been suffering from since I was about 8. Such a relief!!
There were times I thought I might end up being "that kid" - the one who had to come home early. But I stuck it out, and I'm so glad - apart from the cultural and language learning, I learned a lot about myself, and learned flexibility and independence. Now I work in the int'l education field, and advise students going to abroad (including to the very school I went to in France!), and I've had the opportunity to share my story with a couple of students who while abroad were going through very difficult mental health situations similar to my own. Very rewarding indeed.
So anyway, studying abroad was hard, especially with an undoagnosed mental health problem. But it was also VERY rewarding in so many ways.
The hardest thing I've ever done wasn't so much a painful experience as just... well, difficult! It was studying abroad in France my sophomore year (second semester) of college. I'm VERY close to my family and also at that time was suffering from untreated Generalized Anxiety Disorder (had been since I was a kid), so it was actually a really difficult experience. But it was something I knew I had to do, as I was a French major, and there were also wonderful and amazing things about it too, of course.
It was in France that I was actually first treated for my anxiety - during much of the semester, I suffered from extreme anxiety and the physical symptoms that come with that. I finally went to a French doctor who was very sweet (called me "vous" during the interview portion of the appointment at her desk, and switched to "tu" during the exam... those of you know are familiar with this concept will understand how it was designed to make me feel comfortable) and told me it sounded like everything was caused by anxiety. She prescribed Xanax which got me through till the end of the semester, and as soon as I got back, I went to my regular doctor who put me on Zoloft... and I was finally free of the hypochondria and debilitating fear of cancer and other illnesses I'd been suffering from since I was about 8. Such a relief!!
There were times I thought I might end up being "that kid" - the one who had to come home early. But I stuck it out, and I'm so glad - apart from the cultural and language learning, I learned a lot about myself, and learned flexibility and independence. Now I work in the int'l education field, and advise students going to abroad (including to the very school I went to in France!), and I've had the opportunity to share my story with a couple of students who while abroad were going through very difficult mental health situations similar to my own. Very rewarding indeed.
So anyway, studying abroad was hard, especially with an undoagnosed mental health problem. But it was also VERY rewarding in so many ways.
I've had many really difficult experiences stemming back to childhood. Probably the most painful times I have never actually shared here. One of them though was the abuse in my family and the only way out for me then, was to hop a bus across my province to end up living on the streets in a big city. I remember how I panhandled to feed myself, and how dead inside I was.
