What does she think of me?

S

sgman

Two
MBTI
INFP
I know this INFJ girl, the daughter of a neighbor. Our parents are friends, and recently - maybe at the behest of her mother - she called me up to go to the gym with her. Keep in mind I live in Hong Kong - Asian parents do have more influence over their children than American parents.

The first time we went together, I felt great. I've always been a shy guy, and an anxious guy, but I've been practicing some of the strategies I learnt from a counselor at my university. That day I was calm, relaxed, and it went well. In fact, I don't know if I ever felt so comfortable with another person. It was just a great introverted hang out. We would be on treadmills next to each other, and we would be quiet for a while, then we'll say something, talk a little, go back to working quietly. Afterwards, she told me to call her if I wanted to do anything together.

From then on, she texted or called me once everyday, asking after me. Like 'hey, did you pass your driving exam?" etc.

So I texted her back, about going to the gym a second time. She accepted, but it just so happens on that day, I wasn't feeling good. I had had a stressful week, and I was kind of burnt out on people. But a commitment is a commitment lol, or so I told myself. So we went, but it was kind of awkward. There was a random guy there grunting and making a lot of noise, and I just withdrew into my shell. I've run into him before, and never really cared that much. But I was feeling so withdrawn and sensitive to begin with, that it made me withdraw further lol. It sounds so silly. Afterwards, she told me "You're really quiet." She also said, "I hope you don't mind me saying, but you need to stand up straighter." lol and she touched my back, and kind of helped me get my back up.

I just wanted to know what she thinks of me now? Does she think I'm a weird, withdrawn loser? From my experience with INxJs (INTJ roommate, INFJ friend) they don't miss much lol. Does she now think of me as an easily intimidated, fearful coward? I typically don't care that much, but she is the first person I felt so at ease talking with. I really don't want to lose her as a friend lol.
 
Nah, I think she was just being understanding and could tell you were pretty worn down. As you said INxJs don't really miss much. Just relax and keep at it, it's nice to find people you are so at ease with. If a problem doesn't exist, withdrawing yourself will probably create a problem.
 
Firstly, I don't think anyone would judge anyone that harshly for having a down day. Would you walk around and mentally call people out on their insecurities? I bet you wouldn't. You might notice a few things, but I doubt that you'd call them a coward. I think its silly that people expect the rest of the populace to be so cruel. Typically, most people are too worried about how they appear to worry about you.

You're really being harsh on yourself. Just because you're quiet and withdrawn doesn't make you a "loser" and especially not "weird." There's millions of people in the world who are shy and quiet, yet still loved and appreciated for who they are; variety is the spice of life. Not everyone is going to be a bombastic, chatty, centre of attention. I think your own interpretations of your own behavior is skewed rather negatively.

And besides, this girl is an INFJ. She's more likely to be understanding than judgmental. She seems to like you well enough to be inviting you to spend some time with her consistently. And none of her comments are abrasive; they're just calm observations.

I can't read another person's mind, nor can I tell you with any sort of certainty what she really thinks of you, but my hunch is that she at least enjoys your company.

On the flip side, consider the possibility of spending so much time focusing so much on yourself, withdrawing and being so preoccupied with appearing a certain way, that you might be holding back on her and she might be worried about what you think of her.

Relax, and get to know her a little better. Ask her out beyond the gym. Go for a coffee or tea. I can bet you don't have as much to worry about as you think you do.

Cheers, dear.
 
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I really don't think you did much to make her think any less of you. I have times where I'm supposed to hang out with someone but I feel crap. Of course I feel guilty for being like that around this person because they deserve to have better then that. It's just the ebb and flow. But, like others said, she's probably very understanding.
 
sgman said:
From then on, she texted or called me once everyday, asking after me. Like 'hey, did you pass your driving exam?" etc.
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If this girl is an INFJ then this is all you really need to know to answer that question, and the answer is probably yes. I don't think INFJs are known for disliking people for having bad days, they're more likely to feel bad for not being able to help more or if emotionally involved (which clouds intuition) start wondering if it was something they did.

Of course, this is all generalized stereotypical INFJ behaviour because I don't know the girl in question.
 
You really like her, don't you :) It's nice that you really care about what she thinks but I think you're caring too much. From what I've read she seems like a nice girl so I wouldn't worry, I'm sure she doesn't think that of you are a weird, withdrawn loser at all. If she didn't like the fact that you are shy she wouldn't be you friend, would she? INFJs are usually understanding so she won't judge you too harshly :) It's more than likely she was worried about you being so quiet and wanted to make you feel better.
 
Thanks very much everybody for the words of advice. I realize now I am blowing this out of proportion lol.

TheDaringHatTrick said:
I think its silly that people expect the rest of the populace to be so cruel. Typically, most people are too worried about how they appear to worry about you.
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I will treasure these words of wisdom.
 
Afterwards, she told me "You're really quiet." She also said, "I hope you don't mind me saying, but you need to stand up straighter." lol and she touched my back, and kind of helped me get my back up.
Click to expand...
Obviously, in her own little way, she likes you. As a friend, as a potential date. Whatever. She's trying to mentor you into being cool and couth. Question is, do you want to be mentored?
 
She is trying to organize your life; you can bet she likes you, definitely as a friend, maybe as more than a friend. I doubt she thinks you're a weird, withdrawn loser.
 
sgman said:
From then on, she texted or called me once everyday, asking after me. Like 'hey, did you pass your driving exam?" etc.
Click to expand...

That's a good sign. I think she's taking the initiative to get to know you better. I wouldn't worry about. It would be silly to think that one small even would get you black listed just like that. I would just keep doing what your doing and have little confidence.
 
sgman said:
I know this INFJ girl, the daughter of a neighbor. Our parents are friends, and recently - maybe at the behest of her mother - she called me up to go to the gym with her. Keep in mind I live in Hong Kong - Asian parents do have more influence over their children than American parents.

The first time we went together, I felt great. I've always been a shy guy, and an anxious guy, but I've been practicing some of the strategies I learnt from a counselor at my university. That day I was calm, relaxed, and it went well. In fact, I don't know if I ever felt so comfortable with another person. It was just a great introverted hang out. We would be on treadmills next to each other, and we would be quiet for a while, then we'll say something, talk a little, go back to working quietly. Afterwards, she told me to call her if I wanted to do anything together.

From then on, she texted or called me once everyday, asking after me. Like 'hey, did you pass your driving exam?" etc.

So I texted her back, about going to the gym a second time. She accepted, but it just so happens on that day, I wasn't feeling good. I had had a stressful week, and I was kind of burnt out on people. But a commitment is a commitment lol, or so I told myself. So we went, but it was kind of awkward. There was a random guy there grunting and making a lot of noise, and I just withdrew into my shell. I've run into him before, and never really cared that much. But I was feeling so withdrawn and sensitive to begin with, that it made me withdraw further lol. It sounds so silly. Afterwards, she told me "You're really quiet." She also said, "I hope you don't mind me saying, but you need to stand up straighter." lol and she touched my back, and kind of helped me get my back up.

I just wanted to know what she thinks of me now? Does she think I'm a weird, withdrawn loser? From my experience with INxJs (INTJ roommate, INFJ friend) they don't miss much lol. Does she now think of me as an easily intimidated, fearful coward? I typically don't care that much, but she is the first person I felt so at ease talking with. I really don't want to lose her as a friend lol.
Click to expand...
Your english is great first of all.

I don't think she would. Maybe she thinks something is wrong. If she said it in a joking way, then she likes you I'm pretty sure.
 
I'm pretty sure she likes you.

When I ask questions like that out of the blue...yeah. And INFJs tend to make lots of comments like that but they are more just to be observations not to be harsh comments expressing disdain of you.
 
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