What do you do to attract a mate? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

What do you do to attract a mate?

Attracting a mate isn't my problem, it's knowing when a possible mate is attracted to me. My brain should be going "There's an attractive human being who is willingly talking to you about The Lord of the Rings. This is a good thing". Instead it goes "I must explain to this person exactly why eagles were unable to carry Frodo to Mount Doom until they look confused and walk off."
 
Jacobi said:
Attracting a mate isn't my problem, it's knowing when a possible mate is attracted to me. My brain should be going "There's an attractive human being who is willingly talking to you about The Lord of the Rings. This is a good thing". Instead it goes "I must explain to this person exactly why eagles were unable to carry Frodo to Mount Doom until they look confused and walk off."
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Ugh, it's so annoying when they want to find loopholes in something they don't know a lot about.
And even if you do that, at least admit it when someone who's better read comes over.

But I like how you mention The Lord of the Rings. When I talk to a potential mate about that, it seems to not be good. Simply because I know and like it too well.
 
The best ones always came around when I wasn't trying or actively looking. I was happy being completely genuine with myself. Then stuff happened.
 
TooShyToSay said:
But what do you do if you meet someone you want to attract?
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Well it's not like I literally think "hmm, what can I do to attract this person?" If I want to attract a particular person, It's because I feel some sort of a connection to them. In which case there's probably already something there (a mutual feeling although based on personal experience not necessarily). Then my actions just come about naturally; I respond to the other person. Make sense?

I don't want to attract a guy immediately after I first meet him (Is that what you meant?) because I don't know him yet. I'd have to get to know him more.

In terms of actual action taken, I try to look extra nice when I'm around that person. Other than that, I can't think of any specific actions I take.

I've never really thought about this. Thinking about it makes me feel superficial.

As far as things I do when I like someone, though, I mostly over think. It's quite annoying actually.
 
TooShyToSay said:
I can relate. I was told today by a joking coworker that I am "not a real woman" because I don't try to attract people. Apparently, this is what "real women" do? I guess you and I are fake women masquerading in a world of real women.
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You need to play your role as a woman :)
 
I talk about my leet gaming skills, cold fusion, and space aliens. The rest is history. I'd say my odds are... to meet older Russian women, if I click on the link.
 
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I look at my own flaws, faults, failures and try and determine which ones I can change. That understanding of self leads to confidence, and thus I want someone else who is equally confident.
 
I would make guys feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. This gives me the opportunity to see them for who they truly are and that usually attract them(which is not my intention). I come to realize that silence is a very strong weapon. I don't need to say anything to make someone feel a certain way. I could be one of those mysterious girls who likes to lure guys in my little corner,without lifting a finger but I can't. Isn't that a waste?
The more I think about it the more I hate the idea of making the effort to attract someone. It should be effortless.
 
TooShyToSay said:
I can relate. I was told today by a joking coworker that I am "not a real woman" because I don't try to attract people. Apparently, this is what "real women" do? I guess you and I are fake women masquerading in a world of real women.
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I'm so glad there are other fake women like me. Yay!!!! I'm not alone!!!! :cheer2: I repeatedly have dilemma's (current one at the moment) like what colour shoes, handbag go with a blue dress and then there's all the accessories to think about....arrrghhh! This is probably one of the reasons why I prefer not to do anything to attract a mate - takes too much effort!
 
TooShyToSay said:
So funny! I don't think about that stuff, either. I actually find it tedious. I don't have a problem attracting people in general. It's when I want to attract someone that I have no plan. Seems like I am not alone! Haha!
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I am definitely not a very "girly" female either! I actually read your initial question as how to attract people in general... If I am interested in a particular person, it would depend a lot on that person and what we have in common. I think it's usually obvious when I am interested, because I'm pretty forward. I guess I smile and laugh more, make efforts to talk to them or spend time with them, that sort of thing. I'm not into playing flirtatious games, playing hard to get. Either they're into me or they're not.
 
To be honest, I have a protocol.

First, I identify what I want and what I don't want. Then, I put myself into various social situations that revolve around my interests and on what I think would be the most efficient way to obtain what I want. I try to meet as many people as possible, especially those that give me intriguing vibes. Once I meet someone I find attractive who fits what I want, I try to get inside their head and I take in who they are and what they want, and on the spot formulate a strategy to continue to get closer to them.
 
Reading through some of these. It probably varies with type but... it could go a longer way than you might think to simply put yourself in a position where you see the person as often as possible. After that take an interest in what they are doing or talking about by asking related questions. I cant help but think that if some of the women who were apparently interested in me that I had no clue about had done this, things might be much different.
 
I'm not that flirtatious, and don't wish my future girl to be either.
And that's that.

How I attract someone I have no idea. I thought jennerb's answere were rather well said:
jennerb said:
Either they're into me or they're not.
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This is probably why I haven't found one already... sob.
 
[video=youtube;D7vuHSxj_Qk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7vuHSxj_Qk[/video]
 
Nothing. I suck at it. I wouldn't know that someone is hitting on me unless they made it obvious. I suck with subtle messages.
 
I gave up on that, i have no game... Some eye contact maybe.
 
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