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Featured [INFJ] we broke up.. was it a right choice?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by BlackHorse, Oct 10, 2019 at 8:24 AM.

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  1. sassafras

    sassafras Well-known monster
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    Love and compassion sometimes make it difficult to see things clearly. Especially if we've been with someone for a long time and have glimpsed both the good and the bad... and had them glimpse our good and bad. No relationship is perfect. If we dropped things the minute things got tough, we wouldn't be able to connect with anyone deeply.

    However, sometimes there comes a point when the bad in the relationship starts to outweigh the good; when the connection starts to siphon off our well-being rather than nourishing it. The reasons why we stayed in the relationship for so long may still be there, the person can still retain the good qualities that made us fall in love, and whether you choose to stay or go, those good qualities will continue to be there. However, if the relationship is starting to cost you more than you can pay, it's time to move on.

    Sometimes it is as simple as that.
     
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  2. OP
    BlackHorse

    BlackHorse Newbie

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    @Impact Character Yeah i agree :) To be honest i'm a bit scared what the future holds, he said he will change completely.
    Also he's same height than me and has scoliosis making him look even shorter. I don't know i guess it was always bothering me that he's short and maybe a bit chubby, i know i shouldn't be bothered by this but i simply am. And i guess he thinks if he looks better i wanna be with him, which is not true at all. I'm dont wanna seem superficial, the reason i broke up with him is not that at all. How do you girls (or guys as well) feel about height?
     
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  3. Daustus

    Daustus Permanent Fixture

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    As a 6ft 2 guy I always dated short girls. I married a woman who is 5ft 1 on a good day.
     
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  4. Impact Character

    Impact Character Detachment Trainee

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    I really cannot contribute to this at all. My natural perception of the people around me is "taller than me". (And ocasionally weird moments when I have the high ground while taking the escalator - no star wars pun intended. :p)
     
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  5. Daustus

    Daustus Permanent Fixture

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    LOL! And sigh.... George. Why? Just why?
     
  6. OP
    BlackHorse

    BlackHorse Newbie

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    Yeah well i always loved taller guys, at least a bit taller than me
    Never watched star wars so i have no clue whats that about :tearsofjoy:
     
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  7. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    INFJ doorslamming INFJs, both ways

    ?
     
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  8. Impact Character

    Impact Character Detachment Trainee

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    He probably just spent too much time on "the escalator".
     
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  9. OP
    BlackHorse

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  10. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    I was trolling a little
     
  11. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    Sorry you’re going through this
     
  12. OP
    BlackHorse

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    Thanks, well your sense of humor already makes me feel way better :D
     
  13. Hostarius

    Hostarius Level 10 Cynical Optimist

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    Lmao

    X2

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    @ClevelandINTP I don't really get to say this, and I give you a hard time sometimes (questioning your motives perhaps inappropriately), but I think you are one of the most consistently interesting people on this forum - sparking debate and dialogue at an engaging level - and I appreciate your presence a great deal.
     
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  14. Impact Character

    Impact Character Detachment Trainee

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    Don't you know of the very famous INFJs Saloon Door Swing? :p
     
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  15. Hostarius

    Hostarius Level 10 Cynical Optimist

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    Lolol
     
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  16. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    Eh, just move on

    Anytime “break up” gets mentioned, it’s not the most positive thing. Not that it is unsurmountable, it just usually doesn’t end well. Like I’m batting 0% in my history with that anyways

    I have rules to varying degrees in relationships, but the minute either suggests, considers out loud or actually declares that, it’s a major strike. I try to never do that unless I 100% mean it, and frankly it’s the worst thing one can do to a romantic relationship. If you’re in a relationship, try to act as-if. Any sort of declaration against it is pretty much the end. I’m much more empathetic about other issues than that one

    I’m assuming other issues are more likely a product of good-intentioned people in a relationship who can’t assert themselves or misunderstandings aka those things are workable
     
  17. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    Just don’t say “break up”
     
  18. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    It’s like the easiest rule in the book to ensure some sort of participation. If the participation is not what you want or need, find a way to understand or accept. If you can’t accept that, then you don’t love the person and move on

    Sorry, not a fan of people who say they still love someone but can’t accept things about them

    Yeah, I’d boot this person especially since they already did. It’s shitty to deal with someone who throws those words out so willy-nilly. No one wants to deal with that shit

    No worries, sorry to hear that, wish you well, etc
     
    #38 ClevelandINTP, Oct 10, 2019 at 10:21 PM
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2019 at 11:20 PM
  19. OP
    BlackHorse

    BlackHorse Newbie

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    Exactly! That was the biggest problem, he said he doesn't love me, wants to beak up etc like he's asking me what's the weather. And some people would find it easy to deal with it, but i can't.
    I know I dont love him anymore. I believe true love never dies and that wasn't the case here.
    I do care about him tho, i still think he's a nice and fun person.
     
    #39 BlackHorse, Oct 11, 2019 at 6:04 AM
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2019 at 6:13 AM
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  20. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    Yeah, it’s super shitty—sorry
     
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