Unconditional love
- Thread starter Siamese cat
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I've read an article written by a psychologist that said that unconditional love exists mostly between parents and children, and that showing too much of unconditional love can make a child spoiled as opposed to one that had little or none unconditional love from parents and therefore is prone to feeling insecure. This implies that parents although they feel unconditional love to their children often mask it in order to teach their children discipline, manners and such.
Now, I'm interested to see what you think about this, and also what do you think about the term unconditional love? Do you think that that kind of love should be present in romantic relationships? How do you define that term? Do you yourself feel that unconditional love towards anyone, and how do you show it to them?
Lots of questions, I know, but I'm a curious person.
I really believe people have lost the respect they used to have from their children. If parents have to hide their feelings from their children to raise them the children are basically going to see through that before long. Discipline? Through deceit? Teach your children by your actions, not your words. Besides, each child can react differently and can be so far away from another's reactions one just has to wonder.
I have honestly seen the roles reversed where the child has to be careful how he/she treats the adult. Sad but true.
I feel someone can spoil another when they give money and buy them things they don't give or buy for the other children. It does spoil them at first, but time will turn the taker into a problem of a person before all is said and done, as they soon EXPECT everything given to them better than the others and start feeling more important than the others. The others can actually start hating the spoiled one when the others see the one taking advantage of the other by living one life to the giver and another life behind their back. I think spoiling can be the beginning stage of deceit and stealing. After all, they expected it.
The spoiling comes from the actions, not the love. One must be careful how they show that unconditional love. Sad thing is when the giver has to tell the taker all is gone and there is no more.
There is always one that refuses the gifts and the giving, though the reasons can vary. Maybe they do not want to be looked at like the other takers. Maybe they think taking is wrong. These do not get spoiled. Guess it is not always the giving that spoils, but maybe the taking. Think about that.
Two kinds are in the world: givers and takers. It takes a much bigger person to refuse a gift than to take gifts all the time. The biggest of them all is the giver. The giver can give all their life to the children while one refuses the gifts, so it is not the giver that causes the problem. After hearing in detail how the giver has helped all the takers all their life, it can be enough to make the one that has refused sick to their stomach. The giver has helped everyone else all through life. The one accepts one gift. It is then the others find out about it and try to crucify the one that has refused all their life. The one that has been talked into accepting help will learn to hate that decision for being somewhat like everyone else.
I will pass for now on the remainder of the question.
"Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships." Jodie Foster
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This is a good thread. I use the term unconditional love frequently. I'm an INFJ male to tends to befriend lots of women, and I really care more about developing the friendship versus casting romantic vibes or projecting future romance. I think if you're going to care about somebody, you should care about them if they're your friend, significant other, co-worker, whatever. Too many people in our society have a "what's in it for me" point of view. It astounds me when I see couples break up and never talk again. If someone's in your life, be happy that they're in your life, and don't worry about what role they are most comfortable filling. That's unconditional love to me.
Unconditional love is not necessarily giving a person everything they want... it's everything that they NEED, even if it hurts you as a person to discipline or rebuke them because they need that to happen for them to become more mature.