Transexuality:Telling it from inside the weird place.

[arbygil]

but that is the problem. How do you know what gender someone feels like when you see the person for the first time. You automatically call someone "he" when the person looks male and that must be a shock to be called "he" when you feel like a she. It hits you in the face every time and reminds you every day of the problem and makes you feel abnormal.
And even when you know how they feel like it is still very difficult to call a male looking person "she". Because we make a gender judgement so easily. It is like looking at someones hand to see if he/she is married.


There was a transsexual person on Belgian ideals this year. A man who feels like a girl. If you didn't know he was male you would think he was a girl, so feminine he looked. He wears make up and high heels. I had so much respect for him and didn't felt awkward because he was so sincere about who he was and not compromising at all. He was who he was and many people can learn from it.

I don't think we're at odds here, Morgain; I think in any situation humans will assume gender regardless if they're taught to ignore it or not. I'm still seen a certain way, regardless of how I identify with it or not. But it's up to me to assert myself in the beginning, to let folks know I am who I am.

Eventually who I assert myself to be will follow, for those who care about me anyway. Unfortunately yes, the person who sees him/herself as different from what the world may perceive will have to make sure the world knows the truth about them.

 

[Lurker]

What confuses me most is that trans people view their condition as a binary choice: it's either give in or resist the internal call. And both of them have a very high price tag.

Transgender covers a large spectrum and is anything but binary.

Transsexuals have the physical body of one sex and the gender of the other, for some of them it is binary even if they don't agree with gender being a binary concept, which I'm sure most if not all don't. You may see someone who is transsexual as reinforcing binary stereotypes but for that individual they are simply correcting what they need to in order to feel whole.

Yet there's also a third option available - to accept their original body. I find it hard to believe that human psyche is able to accept and adapt to drastic physical changes - like loosing limbs and sensory inputs - yet gives up completely when there's something unexpected between the legs.

For what purpose? Societies happiness? There's options out there that can bring someone's mind and body into alignment why wouldn't someone use that and alleviate the alternative which is eternal depression?

That is a serious question, why should someone do that and for what purpose?

 

[Hazardous1]

I'm going to speak from a position of ignorance in hopes to achieve some level of openmindedness on the subject of transexuality. The way I see it, bisexuals and homosexuals are relatively normal. I've seen a statistic where 20% of people are definitley bi/homo and 10% are bi-curious. However, transexuals are entirely different to me. I don't understand why you would change genders. Feeling like a member of the opposite sex and being attracted to the same sex is very common, but changing genders is not. In all honestly you would never have changed genders a century ago because it was impossible. So transexuals never existed, only homosexuals. One might say there were transexuals before who couldn't make the switch, but the way I see it these were homosexuals. You say transexuals are homosexuals, then why can't a transexual just be homosexual? Why do the have to make the switch? It's almost like a form of self expression like tattoos or peircings but instead you chop off your dick and replace it with a vagina. I don't understand. Like I said, I'm incredibly ignorant about it. Transexuals might be the only minority I have an intolerance for, and I feel like it's because I'm uninformed. Bulimia and anorexia started a century ago, is it just a new mental illness that doctors have stopped viewing from a medical perspective and allowed to become circus freaks for emotional happiness? Transexuality if it is feeling like another gender I can accept, but b ecoming another gender I think is ridiculous. You were born a certain way, and if having a dick vs a vagina doesn't say what gender you are then why don't you keep your dick? Feeling like a chick makes sense, but undergoing freak new surgery to become one doesn't. Why can't transexuals just be homosexual? Don't take my tone as an insult toward you, I just don't get it.

 

[Lurker]

I see two main questions: Is it a new phenomenon, and aren't they just homosexual.

The answer in both cases is no.

You say transexuals are homosexuals

Who says that transsexuals are homosexuals? I sure don't.

then why can't a transexual just be homosexual?

Why can't a [enter kind of person here] just be homosexual? [cue standard answer] Because they're not!

Why do you presume people who are transsexual are seen as homosexual before transition? I'm wasn't. Before and during transition my attraction is to men, the difference is others now perceive me as in a gay relationship, if my transition had anything whatsoever to do with sexuality I would not transition and I would live a happy non-interesting existence in straightville. Problem is I'm not a female, doctors thought I was when I was born, parents were sure I was growing up, they even fitted me out with an appropriate wardrobe full of dresses and other girly things, but my core identity is now and has always been male (earliest memories are about 6 years old). Doctors have given me a medical option whereby I can bring my mind and body into synch.

Let's put this in perspective: By transitioning I risk losing anyone and everyone in my life who may have a moral issue with my medical condition, I risk unemployment, I risk never being able to find a partner who will accept me physically, I risk discrimination and even the threat of physical harm. I risk it all. The payoff that makes this necessary for me is peace of mind, of feeling whole, of looking in the mirror and seeing who I am on the inside reflected outwardly. I can live, or I can exist. Given a choice who would pick the latter?

Why do the have to make the switch? It's almost like a form of self expression like tattoos or peircings but instead you chop off your dick and replace it with a vagina. I don't understand.

What do you place more importance on, your mind or your body? Think about someone severally mentally retarded, then think about someone who is paraplegic. Whose core being is more whole.

If you're male picture yourself in an intimate relationship where you have no dick, if you're female picture yourself having one. It's a disturbing thought really, to have every aspect of your relationship change because your partner is determined not only based on what you're attracted to but what they are. What makes more sense a transwoman who dates men to have a dick and date gay men or to transition and date straight men?

As much as I enjoy tats and piercings I sure have no interest in risking losing everything in the name of self-expression, and do not be mistaken I do not do it for relationships, I do it for survival.

Like I said, I'm incredibly ignorant about it. Transexuals might be the only minority I have an intolerance for, and I feel like it's because I'm uninformed.

That does not make sense, you state that you're incredibly ignorant about transsexuality, but then you say you have intolerance for it. If you're ignorant isn't the better default position neutrality? Why negatively judge something which you do not understand?

Didcha know that they can see parts of transsexuals brains that match closer to the gender they identify with? I expect it's a matter of time before it's seen as a form of intersex.

is it just a new mental illness that doctors have stopped viewing from a medical perspective and allowed to become circus freaks for emotional happiness?

I don't view myself as a circus freak, why must you? It's not like you can tell I'm trans just by looking at me. I look rather normal and average thanqueverymuch.

In all honestly you would never have changed genders a century ago because it was impossible. So transexuals never existed, only homosexuals.

Transgendered individuals in time gone by did not have the medical advances now available to transition but they did certainly exist, in just about every culture.

Here's a list from non-western cultures which will give you an idea of that, so no they are not new concepts, they are however often people who were accepted by their society before western missionaries and civilisation came knocking and proclaimed they should be shunned. There are some lovely stories of how the Native American Two-Spirit people were targeted despite often having unique and important roles in their tribes simply because the soldiers were affronted by them.

Akava'ine (Cook Islands)
Two-Spirit (North America)
Bacch

 

[Chamomile]

I'm having a little bit of a hard time understanding where the inner conflict of transgendered individuals comes from (and dayum at those suicide rates!) and why its lasted so long. I don't have any experience with this via myself or friends, so this is pure learning for me.

What I do know: Gender is culturally and socially constructed (man, woman, boy, girl). Sex is biological: male or female. No matter what gender you identify with, everyone is one or the other regardless of surgical procedure. Since gender is based on cultural factors and varies by society, it is controlled by man. It makes me sad that so many transgendered people struggle so much with a social construct that is always changing. If we control what is the 'norm' for a gender, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me to let it disrupt who I feel that I am. Of course that requires a lot of growth and rejecting societal norms, which can be isolating and require massive amounts of confidence.

I guess I don't understand letting something like gender norms or social expectations (which continually change) drive someone to suicide. If we create the world we live in, why aren't we actively creating ones that accept it? That's not a marketing campaign job, thats our job in how we live our life. It reminds me a little of the pressure on teen girls to be size 0's. Its something that everyone knows goes on through media and such, but it is also always changing. Its all marketing. Most girls struggle with this and as they mature, learn to be confident as they are and accept themselves and what they can't change regardless of society's opinion. What makes self-acceptance such a rare occurrence among transgendered individuals? It seems similar to the self-acceptance process that everyone needs to go through to be at peace with themselves.

I don't like the idea of transgendered support groups. Not because I disagree at all or think they don't require emotional support, simply because it makes it sound like something is wrong with them and it points out and isolates transgendered individuals even more. If I think about transgender as needing a support group like its a disability or illness, it makes me identify/empathize less with those people and think of them more as 'them.' Its kind of like racial inequality... the inequality exists only because we keep talking about it and keep it alive in our minds. If all transgendered folks were entirely self-accepting regardless of societal expectations or opinion, I don't think we'd see many problems from society after a while. If someone that is homosexual is really insecure about being homosexual, I feel uncomfortable around them and its hard to enjoy them (plus it makes people just think of them as only that, homosexual). However, being around confident and self-accepting homosexuals is often an absolute blast. I never think of those people as only homosexual, its just a bullet point under the list of complexities that make up that person. Its all in their attitude, really.

I guess a novel just to say that I think transgender acceptance in society is in the hands of transgendered individuals through their own acceptance and self-confidence, just like every other group.

 

[Tamagochi]

For what purpose? Societies happiness? There's options out there that can bring someone's mind and body into alignment why wouldn't someone use that and alleviate the alternative which is eternal depression?

For the purpose of becoming happy themselves. The society does not care of which gender each of us is. It doesn't really matter to anyone whether I am a man or a woman - except to me.

What I see is that transsexual people deny even the slightest possibility that they can be happy with their original body. And they give lots of justifications for that - like their brain being of different sex etc. Such denial naturally leads to depression.

But what if that possibility exists? Change of attitude certainly does not happen overnight but it can be worked on. And I don't mean just socially adapt to a role but to really change deep inside. Or rather allow to be changed by your body.

It might sound like I'm preaching for some kind of conversion therapy but I think that it's very different from attempts to convert homosexual people. Because they are happy with their bodies but have a problem with how society judges them. The case with transsexuals is the exact opposite.

Instead I see similarities with people who recover from major injuries. For example a woman who lost her breasts to cancer can become depressed and feel less of a woman or she can accept what happened and fall in love with her altered body. Why transsexuals are different?

 

[Lurker]

I'm having a little bit of a hard time understanding where the inner conflict of transgendered individuals comes from (and dayum at those suicide rates!) and why its lasted so long. I don't have any experience with this via myself or friends, so this is pure learning for me.

What I do know: Gender is culturally and socially constructed (man, woman, boy, girl). Sex is biological: male or female.

Gender expectations are a social and cultural construct, gender identity is not, it is innate in a person and research is showing there is a physical part of the brain that it can be linked to.

What makes self-acceptance such a rare occurrence among transgendered individuals? It seems similar to the self-acceptance process that everyone needs to go through to be at peace with themselves.

Self acceptance is something you can only see if someone doesn't transition, right? Well I accept myself enough to be myself, despite people having moral issues or being unable to understand my medical condition. It is a medical condition we're dealing with here btw, not a mental delusion, that part is proven simply by the fact that someone cannot legally transition unless a psychologist or two sign off to say that the individual has no mental issues.

Despite many people's impression of transsexuals I'm a very grounded individual, well as much as any ENTP can be, I succeed at most things I touch, I am not a tortured soul grasping my way through life, I think life is awesome and I want to fully experience it. But mostly, I'm boringly average and normal, except when it comes to my gender identity v biological sex.

I don't like the idea of transgendered support groups. Not because I disagree at all or think they don't require emotional support, simply because it makes it sound like something is wrong with them and it points out and isolates transgendered individuals even more. If I think about transgender as needing a support group like its a disability or illness, it makes me identify/empathize less with those people and think of them more as 'them.' Its kind of like racial inequality... the inequality exists only because we keep talking about it and keep it alive in our minds. If all transgendered folks were entirely self-accepting regardless of societal expectations or opinion, I don't think we'd see many problems from society after a while.

Transsexual support groups exist not so much for the individual coming to terms with who they are inside vs their physical body, but rather they exist because society places a judgement on that and being trans means being seen as lesser, as weak, as mentally deluded and often as someone who can be discriminated against, even legally. It's a support system to deal with the scorn. How do you feel about support groups for expecting mothers or any other innocuous kind of group, do you see them as wrong?

I guess a novel just to say that I think transgender acceptance in society is in the hands of transgendered individuals through their own acceptance and self-confidence, just like every other group.

No, not really, acceptance in society comes from educating society about what it's all about. Would help to have equality in the law too, that one would be fun.

It doesn't really matter to anyone whether I am a man or a woman - except to me.

Exactly, it matters to the individual. I would never claim otherwise.

What I see is that transsexual people deny even the slightest possibility that they can be happy with their original body. And they give lots of justifications for that - like their brain being of different sex etc.

What you don't see is someone like myself struggling each and every day for 30 years attempting to be a person who is accepted by those around me, any question you can possibly fathom as to why I shouldn't transition has already been agonised over again and again along with numerous questions you will never even think of. You think this is anyone's first option? To risk losing everything in your life is not a step you take unless all other options have been exhausted.

Such denial naturally leads to depression

I was depressed when I was attempting to be what society wanted me to be, when I was desperately searching for a way that I could live out the rest of my life as a female despite my male identity, once I accepted I could not change that and moved towards transition the first time since puberty I experienced life without depression.

But what if that possibility exists? Change of attitude certainly does not happen overnight but it can be worked on. And I don't mean just socially adapt to a role but to really change deep inside. Or rather allow to be changed by your body.

Psychologists have tried that technique, it's about as successful as treating someone for having a case of teh gays and turning them straight again, it does not work. Gender is not a social construct, it is at the core of who a person is. Read up about David Riemer and how his case shows how gender cannot be manufactured no matter how often someone is told they are a boy/girl.

It might sound like I'm preaching for some kind of conversion therapy but I think that it's very different from attempts to convert homosexual people. Because they are happy with their bodies but have a problem with how society judges them. The case with transsexuals is the exact opposite.

Instead I see similarities with people who recover from major injuries. For example a woman who lost her breasts to cancer can become depressed and feel less of a woman or she can accept what happened and fall in love with her altered body. Why transsexuals are different?

Would you suggest the same mental therapy to someone who is intersexed?