To work on or to break up? | INFJ Forum

To work on or to break up?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Soulful, Feb 28, 2009.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Soulful
  1. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Threads:
    249
    Messages:
    4,999
    Likes Received:
    721
    Trophy Points:
    245
    MBTI:
    I am curious about what everyone thinks

    How much do you work on relationships, especially when conflict arises (as it inevitably does) before you decide that it's not working?



    What kinds of conflict are you willing to tolerate? How much conflict are you willing to tolerate?

    Do you think there is an underlying theme to conflict in most relationships? And if so, can this theme be spotted and dealt with/avoided before conflict arises? (ex. miscommunication, being unable to understand where the other partner is coming from, etc.)
     
    #1 Soulful, Feb 28, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2009
  2. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Threads:
    540
    Messages:
    7,278
    Likes Received:
    550
    Trophy Points:
    656
    MBTI:
    INXP
    When people start violating your personal rights, then it is time to part ways.
     
  3. the

    the Si master race.
    Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Threads:
    479
    Messages:
    14,388
    Featured Threads:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8,829
    Trophy Points:
    1,112
    MBTI:
    ISTJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    I am pretty disillusioned with romantic relationships. When trouble comes I tend to push them away. As opposed to what I used to do which is just accept thier flaws and carry on.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,948
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    37,955
    Trophy Points:
    1,887
    Location:
    fantasy world
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    When conflict becomes abusive, it's time to break up. When someone hurts you and refuses to acknowledge your feelings because they are 'right'. AND/or when someone hurts you and only accepts responsibility (a very skewed idea of responsibility, this is) when you acknowledge that you drove them to hurt you. People can be in conflict without calling each other names and screaming and yelling and going on a rampage, you know?

    If someone displays out of control tendencies during a conflict on a consistent basis, I think it's time to end it. No matter how much they apologize in that case...because it is likely that they are unhinged.
     
  5. just me

    just me Protector, Counselor

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2009
    Threads:
    242
    Messages:
    13,453
    Featured Threads:
    26
    Likes Received:
    11,605
    Trophy Points:
    1,746
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    On the waters.
    MBTI:
    infj
    It can be quite difficult to end something after putting a lot of work into it.
    There are black-and-white-situations when you will just know. Then there are those you try to weather the storm out. Sometimes we see the storm and the other doesn't even know it is coming. Sometimes they become the storm.
    People do not want to admit defeat, admit they made a bad decision, or do something when they have not exhausted their resources. However, I have RUN from something before that smelled of ruin and disaster.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. mszoe

    mszoe Three

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2009
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    i often go through those questions in my relationships. i also agree with the above responses.

    in my own introspection,
    i found the below quick self-survey useful on when the relationship is too good to leave but too bad to stay...

    http://jamesbkim.com/content/relationship-ambivalence

    i have also used the "consummate love" litmus test to try to analyze.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consummate_love
    This is based on passion, intimacy, and commitment.

    The tricky part is the relationship that "scores well" on all of these self-surveys yet still feels uncomfortable. what i mean is that as an INFJ, after all these J kinda assessments, it looks good, yet my NF part still feels uncertain. as such, i have been seeking to define "love" for myself. i think that personally, love has something in addition to someone "knowing" my habits beliefs interests values ethics, satisfying my sensual pleasures, and providing loyalty and commitment. i guess that "something" can only be validated by my NF aspect, which is tough when dating someone who is either less expressive or more temperamental.

    i hope the above two sources were helpful to others.
     
  7. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Threads:
    82
    Messages:
    974
    Likes Received:
    82
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESTP
    Enneagram:
    9w0
    I agree with Merry. If they are unhinged like shes said they'll repeat the offenses again and again. They might be sorry but sorry are of little value when there is little change in outcome.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Threads:
    762
    Messages:
    14,154
    Likes Received:
    1,320
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2 sx/so/sp
    It really depends on what I think of the person. If I really care for them, and value them, I will most certianly work on the relationship with them. If I don't though, then I will just drift away from that person.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    May 5, 2008
    Threads:
    80
    Messages:
    1,830
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    115
    Trophy Points:
    621
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    Random
    i had a lot of trouble in my second marriage...

    everyone here knows that i am a bit burned out on this 'love' thing... and i would be the last person to give any working advice, cause evidently i guess i can't seem to get it right...

    but in my worst years, mainly my second marriage, i really really tried to make it work, even though i knew i was in the middle of the storm... i was pretty much the center of the eye of the hurricane... and so i read, studied, took classes, talked with the wife to see what we could do... end the end, after all the years and work, it never worked out... she left, made accusations, and made my life a living hell...

    one of the books i got into reading are His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley...

    Marriage Builders.com


    it definitely has some sound advice in it though...
     
    #9 Motor Jax, Mar 27, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2009
  10. 54192&#cmy

    54192&#cmy Outta Here.
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2008
    Threads:
    39
    Messages:
    3,165
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,065
    Trophy Points:
    902
    MBTI:
    InFU
    That sucks Motor Jax. I too have been bit by love a few too many times. It really changes you. I always take people for who they appear to be at first only to find out that I have been duped! I guess love is blind. I have learned to take the blinders off now. I would drive the ship to the bottom of the sea before I would quit in the past. Today I am more realistic when it's time you will know. And if you are feeling like it's time, it most likely is..
     
  11. Creon

    Creon Community Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    664
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    Lawful Evil
    I totally agree. But, judging by all my previous relationships, I tend to break up in the worst possible way. Drifting away without saying a word is something I do when I'm dealing with friends.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page