Thirty-somethings

[Gaze]

I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their early to mid thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?

 

[54192&#cmy]

I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their early to mid thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?

I am 39 so I have been through most of my thirties. I can say for myself that I have grown a lot through my thirties. I found 36 to be very difficult. And my friends who are 36 now say the same thing.

I also realized that I needed to get back too me again. So I started to open up my spiritual side again. And let love back into my heart. I found that I had closed myself. And learning to love again has really helped heal me.

I also realize that in my future now I will die. That no matter what I do I am going to face my death. So I figured that I needed to live my life. Love my life and help others to do the same. I found that if I want it I have to give it freely and it will come to me.

I find that I look older. My gray hair coming into my beard and hair now. I look at people in their 20's and they look very young to me now. They also call me sir. And give me respect even if I do not ask for it.

The main goal for 39 is to get engaged to my girlfriend of 10 years. And get married at 40 and start my life again. I am looking forward to getting old with her. And devoting my life to her....

 

[WellNoWonder]

I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their early to mid thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Hmmm. My main expectation is to show my true self. I spent a lot of time in hiding in the previous decade, and it got me absolutely nowhere. When I let go of the expectation of myself to live up to others' expectations, I accomplished more. I guess I'm at about the point where I have no fear of my intensity and how it comes across to others.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

I think so. I'm not sure what people perceive, but they seem to be more comfortable around me, even when I am aloof. Also, I have a lot more acquaintances in my 30s. I'm not exactly friendly, but I do use a lot of Fe, and I'm not afraid to address people when I am interested in any aspect of them.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Yes. I just think it's natural...a continuous evolution of self.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Not really. lol. I remember I told my the Captain of my A-school something along the lines is that I will always be Vanadis @ the core. He didn't take that too well. This is why the military didn't work well for me. I was prone to being too honest about my perception of myself and I don't think that was encouraged? I don't know...lol

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others treat you?

I'm not sure. I don't have a really concrete view on my appearance. Others tell me they think I'm in my mid-20s (as I'm in my 30s, I never reveal my age to strangers, I don't know why I do this but I do). But hell, I don't feel like I'm 20 that's for sure. I think I look like a 30 year old should look, whatever that is.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?

Ida know. I'm not sure what the myths are. I am a bit more active the most 30 and over folks I know, but I think it's just the people I know and not a reflection of the entire 30-year old club. Also, I've always been fairly hyper (hid it most of my life), and I'm cool with being like this as I've reached this age.

Good questions. I was fairly bored at my desk and now my brain is churning.

 

[the]

I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their early to mid thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?

I still live in a 20-something year olds world considering I do not have steady work and I still go to college. Pretty sweet deal, but I feel out of place all the time.

 

[Gaze]

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
- I expect to feel more relaxed, a little more normal, the teens and early 20s had too much emotional drama. I'm starting to mellow out and appreciate more quieter moments.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?
- Yeah, sometimes. Although i'm seen as younger, i think people pretty much respect you as an adult once you past that awkward teen stage.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
- yeah, i feel a little more unsure of what i want which is a good thing. I was very certain and steadfast when i was young, and there wasn't much room for other options. Now, i appreciate the possibilities.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
- Yeah, i don't identify with the 20s feeling. It definitely feels different but I don't know how to explain it. I feel more comfortable as myself, and less inclined to think i must follow the crowd . I value my insecurities for what they can teach me. Don't see them as weaknesses.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?
- I look fairly young, maybe seem a few years younger. I think because i'm not as assertive as everyone is supposed to be i guess, people respond me a little as if i'm not quite as understanding or experienced enough because i'm not as expressive about my views, etc. It's funny, because being comfortable at this stage allows me to appreciate myself more for what i don't show or say, than what i do.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
- not as outgoing as today's 30-something. I prefer a more quiet, and sedate life. Not much into activity and being energetic to seem younger or preserve youth. I value being calm and controlled. I don't think everyone needs to know what i feel or think, although sometimes, i let my guard down and reveal too much emotionally. I appreciate keeping things to myself.

 

[54192&#cmy]

Sorry I posted out of order and maybe off topic. But that was what I thought of when I responded....

 

[whytiger]

I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their early to mid thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

I have an intense need to make my mark now. I felt like I just messed around through my 20s and now I need to use all the knowledge I gained to achieve something great. I also feel like I've grown into myself a lot. I've discovered more of who I am. I've stopped living for anybody else: parents, teachers, mentors. I'm living on my time now. I feel like the 30s is the time when you really become an adult. You start to develop some sense of who you are and what you're supposed to be doing.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

I'm treated with a lot more deference now. People don't insult me or talk down to me any more. I'm not really aware of how I'm perceived any more because nobody tells me, whereas when I was younger people made more comments. The 30's seem like a time when you start to gain some power and develop leadership skills.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

I have become more more comfortable with spiritual things. I went through some rather intense religious introspection that led me to a new understanding of what's important to me and what I want in life. I have put a lot more emphasis on developing relationships with people rather than just figuring stuff out. I have lost interest in a lot of my old habits like reading quietly. I want to get out and about, experience new things, and interact with people more. I've developed a rather strange interest in fashion after spending most of my life dressing like a slob. People in their 30's seem a lot more confident in themselves and maybe start stretching themselves more, but they're also more aware of their limitations.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

I tend to see myself more or less the same. In fact, I'm more comfortable with teenagers and 20-somethings now than when I was that age. If anything, I have become more fun-loving and less serious than when I was younger. I think that people can develop in different directions. Some become more mature and responsible if they were immature and irresponsible youths.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?

I look slightly younger than my age perhaps. It's hard to say. My hair is starting to turn gray though, so that may not last long.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?

I don't seem to have had the problems that other people have. I got married at a young age and followed a fairly consistent career path. I've never had problems with commitment. I'm not just figuring those things out now. They were settled a while ago. I've always been a bit ahead of the curve. The things I'm figuring out now are more internal things like what I really want out of life and how to make choices that are designed to increase my own happiness rather than just doing what seems expedient or expected. I guess that, when I was young, I just chose to do things because other people suggested them for me or because I felt a certain pull. I never went through any lengthy internal decision-making processes. I tended to lack confidence to do things by myself (despite being very competent) and ended up relying on others as well when I should have kept my own counsel.

 

[Gaze]

Just to add, i'm more direct and honest at this age than any other time in my life. I take more initiative today than i did a few years ago.

 

[WellNoWonder]

Just to add, i'm more direct and honest at this age than any other time in my life. I take more initiative today than i did a few years ago.

me too. I still cringe when I think I've been inapproriate though. I don't really have a filter right now as I never developed one before, maybe because I hardly ever said what I was thinking anyway. Can't use a filter if there's nothing to put through it.

 

[Gaze]

me too. I still cringe when I think I've been inapproriate though. I don't really have a filter right now as I never developed one before, maybe because I hardly ever said what I was thinking anyway. Can't use a filter if there's nothing to put through it.

Agree, i still cringe as well if i think i was out of line. I'd rather not say it than say it and have to take it back. I have a filter, but i prefer the filter tbh. I've seen myself without the filter, and can't say i was that comfortable without it, so i'd rather have it. I like being careful about what I say and how I say it.

Today, it's common for most to reveal everything about how you feel or think without having earned their trust. You're expected to share your feelings and thoughts so openly without questioning whether or not it's a good thing. Still can't do that without fear of how easily something could be misunderstood, misrepresented, or mishandled. I guess the belief is that if you're comfortable with who you are then you'll want to share all of who you are with the world, but that's not always the case.

 

[whytiger]

Just to add, i'm more direct and honest at this age than any other time in my life. I take more initiative today than i did a few years ago.

I used to say really insulting things to people and do really inappropriate things by accident. I don't do that so much now.

 

[dream echo]

I'm 36, and as [MENTION=95]efromm[/MENTION] said, 36 is difficult; probably one of the most difficult years I've personally ever had.

I think my life is very different than most people my age. I had children and got married very young, so I feel like a teenager now in some respects; restarting my life and reevaluating what I'm going to do once my kids are all of age.

I know I look younger than I am. When my 18 year old son and I took a workshop together at a technical school, the instructor thought we were classmates, lol! I don't think I really don't look that young; but maybe 5-10 years younger. It depends on the day.

I think I'm starting to feel like it's time to focus on my own dreams and figure out where I fit in the world. I'm starting to live for myself more, and I've become more secure in the choices I make, worrying less about what others think. I'm more direct in my manner, yet more easy-going, and take some things a lot less seriously than I used to. I want to enjoy life more, and do what is important to me, rather than live a mechanical life that serves no purpose but to perpetuate itself. I want find a career that allows me to live my life to full capacity, rather than just a job where I punch a clock.

When the youngest of my three kids turns 18, I'll be only 39. Then I'll have the opportunity to focus more on myself and the world beyond, as well as actually date my husband without kids underfoot. I feel like there are imminent changes coming, preparing me for the next phase of my life. It's time.

 

[Gaze]

At this point, I'm not afraid to reveal my insecurities but then it's not always the wisest thing to let it all hang out , a lesson i learned and am still learning. I wish i could say i experience the sense of comfort with self everyone experiences but at the same time i don't wish to. It feels nice being able to explore the different facets of a personality - pros and cons, or positives and negatives especially when you've had a very one-dimensional view of yourself for a long time. I like realizing my imperfections, acknowledging them, and using them to learn more about people, etc. I am an observer and I like that i've learned to take an objective view of my emotions and experiences. It's a very different perspective than seeing everything through the lens of personal feelings and whether or not others are violating those personally held beliefs. When you take the focus from the self and consider the motives of others, the underlying reasons why they do what they do, it's less intimidating and overwhelming than focusing on whether or not something was done because of you. For example, i'll sometimes out of blue realize that someone did something not because of what i've done but because of how they may view me. And so separating any sense of responsibility for their actions allows me to distance myself from their reasoning for doing something and allows me to not feel personally responsible for their point of view. This allows me to not feel as worried or frustrated as i normally would be.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

I still live in a 20-something year olds world considering I do not have steady work and I still go to college. Pretty sweet deal, but I feel out of place all the time.

Me too
minus college

 

[whytiger]

At this point, I'm not afraid to reveal my insecurities but then it's not always the wisest thing to let it all hang out , a lesson i learned and am still learning. I wish i could say i experience the sense of comfort with self everyone experiences but at the same time i don't wish to. It feels nice being able to explore the different facets of a personality - pros and cons, or positives and negatives especially when you've had a very one-dimensional view of yourself for a long time. I like realizing my imperfections, acknowledging them, and using them to learn more about people, etc. I am an observer and I like that i've learned to take an objective view of my emotions and experiences. It's a very different perspective than seeing everything through the lens of personal feelings and whether or not others are violating those personally held beliefs. When you take the focus from the self and consider the motives of others, the underlying reasons why they do what they do, it's less intimidating and overwhelming than focusing on whether or not something was done because of you. For example, i'll sometimes out of blue realize that someone did something not because of what i've done but because of how they may view me. And so separating any sense of responsibility for their actions allows me to distance myself from their reasoning for doing something and allows me to not feel personally responsible for their point of view. This allows me to not feel as worried or frustrated as i normally would be.

It sounds like the development of intuition. You stopped viewing things through your own emotional world and started to see the big picture. I experienced something similar but with a different emphasis. I stopped viewing the world as I thought it should be. I stopped so much challenging the world to conform to how I thought it ought to be and started to accept that the world is the way it is whether I think it makes sense or not.

 

[Gaze]

It sounds like the development of intuition. You stopped viewing things through your own emotional world and started to see the big picture. I experienced something similar but with a different emphasis. I stopped viewing the world as I thought it should be. I stopped so much challenging the world to conform to how I thought it ought to be and started to accept that the world is the way it is whether I think it makes sense or not.

@whytiger

I think this was the hardest thing for me to learn and acknowledge - one of the most difficult things to get used to maybe because of that NF idealism . But thing is, i'm more realistic than i used to be but not so realistic that i've given up any idealism at all. Romantic ideals make life more interesting; engage the imagination. I'm not sure if that will ever change. I'll probably always be an idealist on some level - wanting things to be more or different or better than they are - which is probably more about hope than idealism. But i don't think i would work as hard or try things or exceed expectations if i didn't imagine things as more possible than they appear to be. For an NF (i think), being too realistic is another way of giving up on life - on hopes, dreams, chances, or potential. But being modestly realistic helps because at least you learn what will work and what won't, what is or isn't likely to happen separate from how we feel about things, which is necessary in maneuvering the world today.

 

[whytiger]

For an NF (i think), being too realistic is another way of giving up on life - on hopes, dreams, chances, or potential. But being modestly realistic helps because at least you learn what will work and what won't, what is or isn't likely to happen separate from how we feel about things, which is necessary in maneuvering the world today.

[MENTION=1669]Res[/MENTION]

I agree. I've never been able to give up on my dreams and settle. I think, like Einstein, I would be on my deathbed still scribbling equations trying to make a profound discovery even if I'd never made one my entire life. I feel though that the added realism in my life has given me the ability to see that just because I like an idea doesn't mean I should just believe in it. This is important in my line of work since science and mathematics are based on standards of evidence and proof. And it's easy to become blind to the flaws in your ideas when you believe in them too strongly. I hope that, rather than holding me back, this new sense of realism will help me turn fantasy into reality rather than just dwelling on my fantasies.

 

[not sure]

I had it all figured out when I was seven. It has been a rapid drive downhill since that. Seriously, the older I get the more nonsense fills my mind and the less actual wisdom and self-control I seem to have. This post is a good example.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
I feel like I'm just cruising now - not trying to find my place in life. I know what I'm capable of and I what I have achieved - I think I'm finally at peace with myself.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?
I think the people I work with were uncomfortable to have me as their superior when I was in my 20's but now I think they trust my judgement either through experience, or because of age.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
I was always striving to achieve more - as though I was trying to prove something to myself. Now I want to achieve for the sake of achieving.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
I think I see myself more as I am, whereas I used to be focused on what I would like to be.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?
I think I look my age - and others seem to treat me in a way appropriate to my age. I like this.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
I thought life would only seem secure when you were approaching your 40's - I'm glad for its early arrival.

 

[Morgain]

@whytiger

I think this was the hardest thing for me to learn and acknowledge - one of the most difficult things to get used to maybe because of that NF idealism . But thing is, i'm more realistic than i used to be but not so realistic that i've given up any idealism at all. Romantic ideals make life more interesting; engage the imagination. I'm not sure if that will ever change. I'll probably always be an idealist on some level - wanting things to be more or different or better than they are - which is probably more about hope than idealism. But i don't think i would work as hard or try things or exceed expectations if i didn't imagine things as more possible than they appear to be. For an NF (i think), being too realistic is another way of giving up on life - on hopes, dreams, chances, or potential. But being modestly realistic helps because at least you learn what will work and what won't, what is or isn't likely to happen separate from how we feel about things, which is necessary in maneuvering the world today.

yes that is a though one and i'm struggling with it too. I think I make myself miserable because I'm so damn idealistic and see flaws in everything. But not trying to be perfect is giving up on life and what do I live for then? It is hard to find a balance!

now I'm approaching 30 I find myself more self assure. I'm growing out of my parents influence and I'm starting to see that my parents' view on life has many flaws, thank god, and I'm free to find my own way. I'm starting to be more relaxed with who I am, manly because I don't have parents now telling me 24/7 what I'm doing wrong. Instead I have friends and colleagues telling me what I'm doing good and also that I'm trying to be to perfect. So I'm finely allowed to be less perfectionistic and get rewarded for it. which gives me more courage to be relaxed and not shrink every time I make a mistake

only thing I'm worried about is the relationship business. Everybody around me is settling and I seem to be unable to cut down on my romantic idealism and fall in love with a guy that is moderate but real.