Thirty-somethings | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Thirty-somethings

Res said:
I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their early to mid thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
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My experience as a 33 year old is... 20-somethings know about a tenth of what they think they do, people aren't even designed to take you seriously until you are over 30, and 'so far so good.' I still get comments from people who think I'm in my mid 20s, so I dunno if I just took particularly good care of myself or not.
 
~jet said:
My experience as a 33 year old is... 20-somethings know about a tenth of what they think they do, people aren't even designed to take you seriously until you are over 30, and 'so far so good.' I still get comments from people who think I'm in my mid 20s, so I dunno if I just took particularly good care of myself or not.
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Of course, as a 40-something, I'll probably think similar of my 30-something self. Still, the 30s are when life starts to become your own if you are doing well by yourself. Maturity begins to crystallize a bit, etc... hard to complain.
 
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I feel like it's taking me less time to learn when to let bad relationships go, than it did in my twenties. I am also much more self aware about when I am part of the problem.

I care much less how I am viewed by others, and strive more for my authentic self. I have learned not to feel guilty for needing my privacy, quiet time, and a clean living space. I am more into understanding what makes people behave the way they do, instead of assuming everyone should model my behavior.

I believe that love is a choice, and hard work. I take my share of the responsibility when things go awry. I have also noticed, apparently through developing my Ti function that my writing is vastly different than in my youth. I am obsessed with simplifying, where I used to be extremely wordy.
I will throw things out with great ease, instead of holding onto everything.

I am open to being wrong, and open to my current beliefs being wrong. I am unlearning the business of being a victim, and a martyr. I am living a lot more fearlessly than I ever would have dared to before. I can't wait to see what wisdom my 40s bring! :D
 
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What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

My expectations have never really been contingent upon age. I just like what I like and pursue it. But I suppose one thing would be more stability in my perspective on life and emotions contained therein - you can't force that, though. You can only let experience give it to you. And that seems to have come to me now and I'd like to hold onto that because I really don't want all the dramatics and misguided living that came with my first 20-some years.


Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

Women are more available to me, teenagers don't include me in their demographic (duh), people generally seem to treat me with more respect.


Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Yes. My days of chemical insanity, glorification of hedonism and other youthfully narcissistic social nonsense are largely over. I like to have a drink sometimes and can be silly but I don't act like an asshole rockstar. I am much more interested in giving of myself to society and others and am more confident in loving without worrying if I'll get hurt.


Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

I'm a man now, not a little boy in a big body trying to find his way...


Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? How does this affect how others respond to you?

I've always looked a lot younger than I am but I'm fine with it. I don't think this affects anyone with the exception that they're often surprised when I tell them my age.
 
Korg said:
Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s vs. 20s.?

Women are more available to me.
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Awesome. Take advantage of this.
 
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
 
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I had a marvelous 30th birthday. I had achieved all my goals: I was happily married, I had just had my second child, and I had my Bachelor degree and teaching credential. Life looked very good with a fabulous future.

Over the next ten years, I basically crashed. My marriage ended up in divorce. My second child was autistic. The religious questions I had been asking had destroyed my faith, and I was wandering around in a vaccuum of existential depression. Every time I tried to build my career, my bipolar disorder would knock it down. I saw myself as being wasted by life, because I would make some man such an excellent wife sexually and otherwise, but it was unreasonable to think that even a "good catch" would make a good father for an autistic child. A lot of things happened to me in my thirties that are so painful, I can't even bring myself to talk about them.

My thirties were also the decade that I decided, "I've really reached excellence at my talents A, B, & C. But I've always stunk at X, Y, and Z -- Those are the things I need to work on." For example, I could never catch a softball, so I enrolled in Tai Chi to develop my coordination. I was always the most feminine of girly girls, so I took Shaolin Kung Fu and sparred with alpha males. This was also the decade that I had my passionate love affair with the bad boy, which I honestly can't bring myelf to regret. And finally, this was the decade I learned about all the major religions of the world.

All in all, my thirties were my "dark night of the soul." I was very depressed on my 40th birthday because I felt like the decade had been a waste.
 
Being a 50 year old, I hope I am not out of line in posting in this thread.
Take it for what it's worth.

Saw this thread a few days ago and it made me reflect on my 30's.
It was definitely the decade where I began to understand my true self, and became more comfortable in my skin.
I no longer felt I had to apologize to anyone about why I am the way I am. Or pretend to be someone else to please others or fit there ideal of who I should be.
 
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