[PAX] - The INFJ Doorslam | INFJ Forum

[PAX] The INFJ Doorslam

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Wyst, Jan 6, 2010.

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  1. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    INFJ Doorslam - when an INFJ slams the door on a relationship with someone they began to be or were already very familiar with. Communication is cut off. Progress in the relationship can no longer be made. The offending party is ignored indefinitely. Reconciliation is rarely considered.

    An INFJ Doorslam can occur in one or more of the following situations:
    • The offending party has not gained access to the INFJ's inner sanctum yet but tries to force their way in - DOORSLAM
    • The offending party knowingly or unknowingly injures an INFJ. The INFJ wonders why in the world that person would do such a thing - DOORSLAM
    • The INFJ has been cornered in a situation where the offending party will not let them out - this can happen in verbal arguements/debates where the INFJ is already out of their comfort zone and would like to let things lie but the offending party presses the issue - DOORSLAM
    • The offending party betrays an INFJ - usually resulting in an INSTANT DOORSLAM
    • Things have grown awkward in the relationship the offending party becomes the offender when they insist it's the INFJs imagination and to get over it - DOORSLAM
    • There are many other scenarios where someone, even another INFJ can be doorslammed.
    In a lot of these situations - the doorslam occurs because the INFJ is afraid of confrontation. Not combative confrontation, but rather bringing up their hurt, whether actual or only perceived, could, in their mind, only worsen the situation.
    An INFJ doorslam doesn't mean an INFJ is now rude to the offending party. In fact, the INFJ is usually very polite to the offending party. Succint, civil, and sometimes terse. But the INFJ won't go out of their way to approach or engage the offending party like (if) they used to. Unless the offending party approaches them in conversation, it's almost like they don't exist to the INFJ anymore.

    In some situations the INFJ may really desire reconciliation but because of fear of making things worse and their own pride - it may not come to pass.

    Please feel free to discuss your INFJ Doorslam experiences here - whether you were the slammer or the slamee.

    NOTE: The reason I've started this thread is to get people to remember their experiences and reflect (for themselves) on their actions and their part in the conflict, because everyone plays their part. So don't jump down someone's throat for their response to a situation they were in - they may only be reflecting and, more importantly, you could be risking getting doorslammed. This is not about whether the doorslam is right or wrong - as I've said, usually, it's based out of fear and/or pride, so just leave it at that or start your own thread.
     
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  2. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    I have 2, but it's so long. I'll type it later, after I finish doing my brother's essay. :m176:
     
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  3. OP
    Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    you're writing your brother's essay? you're very nice.
     
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  4. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    How can you read my mind and feelings so well??

    Great Post! You expressed something a lot of INFJs don't want to admit to.:m109:
     
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  5. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    The only doorslams that pop to mind were the ones in which I had gone way out of my way to help and give someone a chance, and that was disregarded, ignored, or even abused. In these cases the doorslam was like a rubberband, stretched to it's limits, snapping only to regain it's original shape. It required some act of disregard to engage it.
     
  6. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    I do this a lot but I usually get over it six months later and try again. Then, after that, I never try again. There are a lot of people who were once major parts in my life whom I dont talk to anymore.
     
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  7. Feelings

    Banned

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    Well first was this chick i worked with. I didn't really have much emotional sensitivity back then. And my sense is humor isn't really appreciated. Can't even remember exactly what I did. Didn't even pay her much attention until I got interested in INFJ's, and by then I was already doorslammed. Sigh. She does this glare thing. I got the glare a lot.

    One I lied to... yeah.. um.... i shall say no more...

    One I backed into a corner because she was being a dumbass. Whoops.

    One I did the forcing thing on.

    I pretty much done it all. Uh huh.

    And several I probably offended.
     
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    #7 Feelings, Jan 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2010
  8. OP
    Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    slant, I can't imagine you doorslamming anyone - you're too mature for that. Surely you wouldn't descend to levels of knavery as we NFs do...
     
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  9. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    wow...when will you ever stop??:mfly:
     
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  10. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    I think all types do it though, just take for example BenW who hasn't talked to me forever because I pissed him off or- well, I don't even know why but he blocked me.

    And take shai gar who also blocked me.

    entp, intp, istp, infj.

    all types apparently do it.
     
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  11. OP
    Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    But no type can do it with the self-conflicting style like INFJs do it with.
     
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  12. Afrelen

    Afrelen Community Member

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    I'm sure I've done it for all those reasons, but especially in response to betrayal. The weird thing about it though is that INFJs still have such an amazing capacity for mercy. While we may be afraid to show it, when we do, it's just plain worthy of awe.
     
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  13. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    wait what? explain, wyst.
     
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  14. OP
    Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    Do you really want me to go into it, slant?
     
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  15. OP
    Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    That 'when' is contingent upon the INFJ conquering their pride. A lot of which can be wrapped up in a 'victim mentality'. Pretty hard to dig yourself out of, IMO.
     
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  16. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    I guess that means you don't want to get into it...?

    You're the one who made the thread, dude.
     
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  17. OP
    Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    This thread is about INFJ doorslams - not the style with which they doorslam. Stop derailing the thread - you started a thread for that, dude.

    :m081:
     
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  18. Afrelen

    Afrelen Community Member

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    Hard, but not impossible.
     
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  19. xizzax

    xizzax Community Member

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    hmm.. i don't think i've ever did an 'instant doorslam' or doorslams when someone is trying to pry into my life. i sort of try to 'let them down gently.'

    uhh...i think the only person i've ever 'doorslammed' was my grandfather, who i've tried repeatedly to work on my relationship with him.

    if there is no progress being made, if i still continue to get disrespected despite my genuine attempts, if i continue to get negative results/reactions, i just STOP and cut said person out of my life completely.

    i still live with the guy so there must be some kind of truce, but i have basically given up when it comes to trying to fix or work on something with him.
     
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  20. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    Well I mean, I've never personally experienced one- I shut the door on the INFJ I know, not the other way around.

    Wait no- I've actually done that twice now.

    I've shut the door on two INFJs.
     
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