The Golden Rule.

[Bird]

"Treat others as you wish to be treated".

In essence I feel as though this breaks down very easily to mean do not say anything at all if you don't have anything nice to say. No one likes to be overly criticized. No one likes to be belittled and made to feel like shit every day let alone every once in awhile.


Can someone please explain to me why so many forum members and regular posters choose to ignore these little kindnesses?

Why is most everyone so overly critical of others?


Honestly if you are just going to be disrespectful to someone and condemn them for their thoughts and feelings then why even bother continually checking the thread? If something makes you sick to your stomach then just ignore whatever's being said. If you don't agree with something you don't agree with it. There is no need to express yourself over and over again. Say your piece and leave it at that. Do not keep reasserting your superiority and focus your intents on tearing someone apart.


You can all hate me for this thread, I don't care. I just feel as though this needs to be addressed.

 

[basic]

I agree. I too often see mindless/pointless attacking.

 

[athenian200]

I think you're confusing debate with personal criticism.

I haven't really seen anything like what you're talking about here. I've been on forums where it happened on a regular basis, too. Anything you might see here is pretty mild, and usually has good intentions.

Either that, or I just tend to avoid the threads you're talking about. Could you be a little more specific, give examples? Otherwise, we'll have to make assumptions.

 

[88chaz88]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LAtU5VelpE"]YouTube- Biffy Clyro-That Golden Rule-Only Revolutions[/ame]

 

[Bird]

I think you're confusing debate with personal criticism.

I haven't really seen anything like what you're talking about here. I've been on forums where it happened on a regular basis, too. Anything you might see here is pretty mild, and usually has good intentions.

Either that, or I just tend to avoid the threads you're talking about. Could you be a little more specific, give examples? Otherwise, we'll have to make assumptions.

Go ahead and make an ass of yourself (;
haha, I kid.

I'll be sure to devote my night to copying and pasting examples, though.
Perhaps I'll printscreen them for total accuracy.

 

[Quinlan]

This is one of the softest places on the internet.

 

[alcyone]

Passive aggressive much?

If there is someone on this forum who has upset and offended you, you need to attempt to resolve the situation at the lowest possible level....e.g. in a private message with that person....instead of starting threads like this that result in pissing matches flaring up all over the forum.

And according to your Golden Rule, the people who are being critical are treating others how they want to be treated. I have no problem being raked over the coals if my information is wrong and I am backing the wrong horse. I'd rather have people in my life who make me a better person by making me engage in a critical examination of my beliefs, stances, morals, values etc. There are a lot of people here who help me do that.

People are judgmental and critical. You are just as judgmental and critical as the people you are directing this thread at. Are you outraged because people are treating others as they wish to be treated (thereby following that golden rule) or because they aren't treating others the way you believe they should be treated?

 

[slant]

We should all review our words carefully and identify the intent behind them.

My new intent is to spread joy and encourage change in a positive direction for all of the member of this forum.

It is possible for you all to do so, if that is your wish.

 

[Faye]

To be honest, I haven't observed this to a large degree on these forums. Yes, a little happens, but compared to your typical forum, we are doing good.

It could also just be that I am oblivious. But in any human group, online or otherwise, you're going to get a good amount of people who fail to follow the golden rule. That is why it is golden; it is not easy.

 

[magister343]

I much prefer The Great Commandment ("You shall love your neighbor as yourself") over The Golden Rule. It can take into account that people can have different preferences.


The fact is that most people do tend to follow the golden rule, but often want to be treated differently than others. Sometimes people get upset at how critical I can be, but they fail to realize that I am more upset by how uncritical they are of me. People have commented that I often sound like I'm fishing for compliments but get upset when compliments are given, and am much happier with critique. I want objective, constructive criticism, and despise empty praise. (Personal attacks where negative Fi opinions are expressed with no rational basis are of course also very unwelcome.) I find insincere politeness to be highly insulting.

Kindness =/= niceness. Kindness is compassion and good will towards others, which may include telling them things they really don't want to hear. Niceness is just trying to seem agreeable or unoffensive, and is frequently only a superficial veneer over apathy or a tool used conceal one's disdain for those one does not respect but considers useful. For most of its history, the word nice was an insult. It is derived from the Latin Nescius, meaning ignorant.

 

[NeverAmI]

For most of its history, the word nice was an insult. It is derived from the Latin Nescius, meaning ignorant.

That blows my mind, hadn't heard that one before!

Found this too:

This word has roots in Latin and French. In English it originally meant something like "picky" - that is, a nice person would be someone who is too particular about getting everything exactly right.. then later the word began to change into the meaning that most people would describe today, that is, meaning "pleasant" or "personable".

I think that there is a conversation beyween two characters in one of Jane Austen's novels (Northanger Abbey?) written about 1810 or so, in which they discuss this exact topic, the meaning of 'Nice" -

 

[Bird]

That blows my mind, hadn't heard that one before!

Found this too:

This word has roots in Latin and French. In English it originally meant something like "picky" - that is, a nice person would be someone who is too particular about getting everything exactly right.. then later the word began to change into the meaning that most people would describe today, that is, meaning "pleasant" or "personable".

I think that there is a conversation beyween two characters in one of Jane Austen's novels (Northanger Abbey?) written about 1810 or so, in which they discuss this exact topic, the meaning of 'Nice" -

Lol, are you implying you're a big Jane Austen fan...?

 

[NeverAmI]

Lol, are you implying you're a big Jane Austen fan...?

I have no idea who Jane Austen is, that was part of the quote, I should have put it in tags.

 

[laurie]

It's part of human nature to want to be treated better than you treat others (I say this as a very wide generalisation as I am very aware a large minority are exempt from this). There's some psychological theory about it (I think it was the Social Exchange Theory) which is a weighing up of what you get out of relationships versus what you put it (or was it Social Equity?). They found that people who got more were more satisfied than those who got less. Common sense, I know. But then, to borrow a friend's wisdom: 'Common sense really isn't that common'.

This forum doesn't have much bad about it, in my opinion. You should try places like the Megatokyo forum (actually, don't. Seriously!), where the moderators have total, unquestioned control and won't compromise.
Here, they have good, balanced debates with very few real 'arguments' (rather, slight disagreements, occasionally where one or both parties will take it too far).
I understand, it's pretty annoying and upsetting if you feel criticised all the time, but the internet is a difficult place - it's hard to tell what tone text will convey when you type it out. I'm sure whatever happened to you wasn't intended to upset you. It was probably a difference of opinion.
But then, I don't know for sure.

 

[Bird]

You know what's funny, now that I've
been here so long and I see how nice
everyone is, it actually kills me that I
made this thread.


I am definitely too sensitive, at times.

 

[Kgal]

You know what's funny, now that I've
been here so long and I see how nice
everyone is, it actually kills me that I
made this thread.


I am definitely too sensitive, at times.

"too sensitive?" .... There's no such thing in INFJ world.
IMO We're alllllll very sensitive.

 

[FamineGT]

I don't follow the golden rule. Before, I used to treat the people around me better than I treated myself. ^^

Now, I take care of myself more...just so the people who care about me don't have to worry about me as much. ^^

I agree with magister343 on the fact that kindness can be interpreted differently by each person. What may be kind for one person isn't necessarily received as kind by someone else.

 

[jn56uytrx]

"too sensitive?" .... There's no such thing in INFJ world.
IMO We're alllllll very sensitive.

My loved one often tells me, "You're not too sensitive. You're sensitive enough."

 

[Majesty]

I much prefer The Great Commandment ("You shall love your neighbor as yourself") over The Golden Rule.

What if you don't like yourself?
Because it's not like that kind of people was rare.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

You can all hate me for this thread, I don't care. I just feel as though this needs to be addressed.

A peculiar disclaimer. What prompted that? From glancing at the anonymous confessions thread it hardly seems likely that you'd end up in the doghouse anytime soon.

[MENTION=3072]Royal[/MENTION]

Yeah, I think the originator of the Golden Rule forgot to figure in the masochists.