The detour from your mind to your mouth | INFJ Forum

The detour from your mind to your mouth

rainrise

Community Member
Mar 21, 2009
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Sometimes, i just find that i have trouble verbalizing my thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a direct manner. This is not to say i don't express what i genuinely mean, but i always feel that my mind takes a detour in comparison with those who seem to 'think out loud' and brashly communicate.

It's always both bizarre and astonishing to observe some people (perhaps highly extraverted?) talk with such flow and enthusiasm, especially when they're not talking about anything much at all (e.g. "this morning, i got in my car and i drove to university and got to class about 10:00 and had the most boring lecture ever! then i went to get some coffee and you know the line was so long and...").

I usually tend to match or compliment the emotional level of the other person, but when someone talks to me like this, sometimes i just won't know how to respond (or feel strained when doing so) perhaps out of being overwhelmed or disinterested.

Anyone else feel like they've taken the detour and look at the highway with raised eyebrows:m190:?
 
I am not hard-wired for the verbal or for words...I am a creature of the visual. I have spent my entire life in the visual arts and I think in pictures/images. In communicating verbally I have to wrap my words around the images I see in my head.....not the most direct route. :)
 
Sometimes, i just find that i have trouble verbalizing my thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a direct manner. This is not to say i don't express what i genuinely mean, but i always feel that my mind takes a detour in comparison with those who seem to 'think out loud' and brashly communicate.

It's always both bizarre and astonishing to observe some people (perhaps highly extraverted?) talk with such flow and enthusiasm, especially when they're not talking about anything much at all (e.g. "this morning, i got in my car and i drove to university and got to class about 10:00 and had the most boring lecture ever! then i went to get some coffee and you know the line was so long and...").

Yeah i know what you're talking about...i usually just smile and say, "Oh, really?" or something along those lines and let them continue while i desperately try and come up with a more engaging response.
 
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Sometimes I find it easy to converse with people like that, because I barely need to say anything to keep the conversation going, haha. A little question like "Why'd you do that?" every 5 minutes or so is all I need to put in, and I'm good. But yea, I'm definitely not wired like that, and I can only handle so much before I start to feel strained.
 
This sounds all too familiar...

It's as if the words have no meaning and fly right past my ears!
 
extroverts are worse: we can't think through what we verbalize.......

especially for ExxPs, it should be clear that they are the externalized, internal mess of an introvert, who is not really ready to say anything at the moment

people build a prison for extroverts with being extremely critical to everything extroverts say, and it may be the only way for extroverts to think; so it's a choice for them between not thinking at all, and thinking by extroverting (which is in most times not a well-thought final declaration, just thinking outloud) ... ExxPs should have a special tag on them to show when what they say is not just brainstorming, but real decisive statement...

extroversion is a very unstable and inefficient form of thinking, and it won't survive very long. OR more precisely, people will learn to adapt to it
 
extroverts are worse: we can't think through what we verbalize.......

especially for ExxPs, it should be clear that they are the externalized, internal mess of an introvert, who is not really ready to say anything at the moment

people build a prison for extroverts with being extremely critical to everything extroverts say, and it may be the only way for extroverts to think; so it's a choice for them between not thinking at all, and thinking by extroverting (which is in most times not a well-thought final declaration, just thinking outloud) ... ExxPs should have a special tag on them to show when what they say is not just brainstorming, but real decisive statement...

extroversion is a very unstable and inefficient form of thinking, and it won't survive very long. OR more precisely, people will learn to adapt to it

This sound exactly like my ENFP friend. I think I raise my eyebrows with everything that comes out of her mouth. And I get so stressed by her changing the subject every half sentence: "so I was saying to my friend, look a bird, when I saw him the other day, he was wearing this awfull shirt, anyway, so I was saying to him that, watch out for that car, that he shouldn't, hey did you cut your hair ... aaaaagggghhhhhh .. and after every half sentence she looks at me for a respons. My God, I cant react on everything that comes out of her mouth, it is so exhausting :becky:

ENFP, any sugestions on how we can deal with that in a supporting way?

randomsomeone said:
I am not hard-wired for the verbal or for words...I am a creature of the visual. I have spent my entire life in the visual arts and I think in pictures/images. In communicating verbally I have to wrap my words around the images I see in my head.....not the most direct route. :)

When I have something meaningfull to say it is like that, only with feelings. I need to wrap the words around my feelings. Or I have to switch to "mental state" to express what I think (logicaly).
But when I'm talking about something that happened to me and I'm excited, I can rattle like hell
 
Extroverts have the skill or ability to "make small talk." When I was younger I wanted to converse with everyone about profound things. Sometimes I could see people shrink away from me. Then I realized that most people enjoy small talk. It's non-threatening and can help you establish bonds with people. I had to acquire the skill but I now find it easy to do. Subjects like pets, movies, and vacations are things that everyone can relate to. You can also take your cues from the other person based on his/her interests or topics of conversation. After sizing a person up I can tell what's best -- small talk or deep talk.
 
ooh, another one here XD

Man, I can't count the times my mind went, "wait, what did I just say?" or, "wait, what did I want to say? I ALREADY THOUGHT OF IT!". or, "what should I say? OMG, what response should I give? Is this appropiate? Would this offend him? Would this prolong the conversation, or would it kill it?"

strangely enough, I seem to learn slowly concerning these kind of skills. There's too many conversation ended, too many people hurt, too many opportunities skipped, and I still ended up like...this. :|

Ifyoudontmindshamelessadvertising.

An ENTJ friend of mine told me this, "if you're interested in them, you'll find topics to talk / discuss", and I think she's correct. At least, that phrase helped me a lot.
 
this entire board needs to take core communication
 
yea, i used to have a lot of trouble in communicating..

in fact, i still do in some ways...
i get extremely shy/aloof with people i don't know... and sometimes end up completely ignoring them...

i can also relate to what you said about deep conversations...yea, i don't really like small talk too much myself.. but it seems that's what everyone is most comfortable dealing with.

i've also learned that Ne kinda helps with my socializing. Usually I try to lighten up the mood with random jokes/observations/general silliness.

I find that it actually comes out pretty strongly when I'm with (close) friends actually.

*and the uncertainty of type suddenly sets in*
 
I don't necessarily think that I have a problem putting the thoughts of my head into words but rather that I need time to think about it, I can't simply formulate my thoughts at the snap of my fingers. Often times people bring points to my attention that give me valuable input from other perspectives as well that really helps me to grow.

Now, when I am extremely anxious from social situations it is completely different, words get jumbled and I am so caught up on something I already said or did that nothing I say makes sense whatsoever! I have become good at hiding the physical symptoms too so I usually just come off as crazy to other people, LOL.
 
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