The art of ignoring. | INFJ Forum

The art of ignoring.

Satya

Satya

C'est la vie
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May 11, 2008
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I seem to lack the ability to ignore people. I've been ignored before and I emphasize too much to do that to a person regardless of who they are or what they believe. However, I am told by some that ignoring is a necessary form of detachment. I certainly could use detachment since I get utterly frustrated with the ignorance and arrogance of many of the people in this world.

So how do you ignore people? How do you justify it to yourself?

(This is about ignoring in general. Please refrain from jokes about using the ignore function in the User CP. Yes I mean you Shai!)
 
Are you talking about strangers or people you know?
 
Satya said:
(This is about ignoring in general. Please refrain from jokes about using the ignore function in the User CP. Yes I mean you Shai!)
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GODDAMNIT!
As soon as I saw this thread title, that was my plan. FUCKING SERIOUSLY!

Would saying "ask kwiss" be along the same lines?
 
I have turned on the 'ignore' button when someone's really violated my trust, but always feel ridiculously guilty. As such, my behaviour cycles between extreme flakiness (in the hopes that they will think I am being flaky as opposed to specifically ignoring them), sudden disappearances when I feel like physically attacking them, reserved politeness and moments of warmth when I am sure I am under control.

Usually, what happens is that they give up on me... My behaviour is markedly different so it's not like they don't realise something's up.
 
Lurker said:
Are you talking about strangers or people you know?
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I'm talking about ignorant and/or arrogant people.

sciski said:
I have turned on the 'ignore' button when someone's really violated my trust, but always feel ridiculously guilty. As such, my behaviour cycles between extreme flakiness (in the hopes that they will think I am being flaky as opposed to specifically ignoring them), sudden disappearances when I feel like physically attacking them, reserved politeness and moments of warmth when I am sure I am under control.

Usually, what happens is that they give up on me... My behaviour is markedly different so it's not like they don't realise something's up.
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Sounds passive/aggressive.
 
sciski said:
I have turned on the 'ignore' button when someone's really violated my trust, but always feel ridiculously guilty. As such, my behaviour cycles between extreme flakiness (in the hopes that they will think I am being flaky as opposed to specifically ignoring them), sudden disappearances when I feel like physically attacking them, reserved politeness and moments of warmth when I am sure I am under control.

Usually, what happens is that they give up on me... My behaviour is markedly different so it's not like they don't realise something's up.
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I usually end up doing the same thing
 
This one feels very familiar . . . Shucks. I thought you meant people in general. Ignorant/arrogant? Depending on how much in the extreme they are, my response varies from a slight irritation to very expressive dislike/disgust. It's not easy for me to hide how I feel when I meet someone truly full of it (it would actually be nice to somehow learn to ignore this and/or not respond to it)
 
Satya said:
Sounds passive/aggressive.
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I've only really done this to one person. In my defense, I did try to assert/explain myself several times, but these attempts were met with insults or dismissal in response. After a while I learned that it was pointless to try.

So I guess the passiveness stems from my innate need to treat people kindly and protect them from hurt as well as my cognitive understanding of the circumstances that led to the fallout, whereas my aggression stems from extreme hurt and unvented judgments that I cannot express without being further attacked or becoming the attacker.

PA is an easy label to pin on people, but I think it's more important to get to the root of the problem and relieve them of it. It's not fun. Nobody sets out to be passive-aggressive--they are often forced into it by the interplay of other people's aggressive behaviour and their own need for inner peace.

I'm wondering if PA is an Fe thing...
 
I would only ignore somebody if they told me too, or if they were drunk or drugged.

Being ignored is one of the worst feelings, if not the worst, one can ever experience. To feel like no one acknowledges your existence and that you could completely disappear and no one and nothing would be affected is simply terrible. Thus, I would never wish such a terrible feeling of loneliness on someone else. I like to try and get better at always acknowledging people when I can and if someone is bothering me--who does not fall into the criteria above mentioned--then I will try my hardest to solve the situation so that I do not feel urges to ignore them. I will admit, however, that oftentimes I do simply not acknowledge certain things that people say, not because I don't care but often times because I don't really think the particular thing is too important to acknowledge or I simply forget to do so. I need to work on this.
 
I don’t think lacking the ability to ignore people is a bad thing or flaw, I’d rather avoid those I don’t want to interact with than actively ignore them... then again I’m not particularly perceptive to my environment and can be oblivious and ignore without meaning to.

As for the ignorant or arrogant type, I believe purposely ignoring someone takes more energy than a simple acknowledgement and dismissal. Some people don’t want to change, don’t invest your emotions into them, disconnecting is part of this but not ignoring.
 
Lurker said:
I don’t think lacking the ability to ignore people is a bad thing or flaw, I’d rather avoid those I don’t want to interact with than actively ignore them... then again I’m not particularly perceptive to my environment and can be oblivious and ignore without meaning to.

As for the ignorant or arrogant type, I believe purposely ignoring someone takes more energy than a simple acknowledgement and dismissal. Some people don’t want to change, don’t invest your emotions into them, disconnecting is part of this but not ignoring.
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Detachment isn't one of my fortes either in case you hadn't noticed. :mD:
 
Satya said:
Detachment isn't one of my fortes either in case you hadn't noticed. :mD:
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Yah, it was kinda noticed :whistle:

I also don’t think it’s a bad thing but some people simply aren’t worth the investment of your emotions, it takes too much energy. There are some techniques social workers use to try to disconnect from their clients in order to be able to help them, maybe it's worth trying a few of them? There will always be ignorant and arrogant people around you, it's pointless trying to get them to change.
 
The techniques that social workers use are limitation of self disclosure and keeping the discussion client-centered. Those don't really help in online discussions where you are disclosing exactly what you believe and the discussion is topic-centered. But now that I think about it, I know exactly how to deal with ignorant and arrogant people in real life, whereas its the ones online that I have no tools to deal with.
 
Perfect opening.

The Ignore Feature.

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Hi guys. my first reply yay.

I was listening to a conversation between a INFJ and a INTJ
http://www.infj.com/INFJorINTJ.htm

And they said that the worst thing you could call a INTJ is incompetent and that's one of the worst things you could be called by a INTJ.

I started to think what the worst thing I could do to a person or what they could do to me.

My answer was: ignoring.

I think that's the ultimate humiliation for me. Ok sometimes your mind wonder off or something, it's ok. But to intentionaly ignore someone, that's on the top of the list of humiliation.
 
^ I agree, incompetent is the worst for sure :D


Right, so online is different Satya, ignoring what you perceive as ignorance or arrogance should be easier but I acknowledge this isn’t necessarily the case. From what I see you are simultaneously very open minded and closed to other’s perspectives. Open minded in that you want to challenge any point of view and if an argument is given to you in a manner that doesn’t disagree with any preconceived opinions you will work through it logically and I believe you will listen and willingly see things from a new pov. Closed to other’s perspectives in the sense that if someone breaches a subject that you do have clear opinions on, in a manner that you perceive as emotional not logical or with a disrespectful attitude, you will antagonise the poster into a debate about semantics or fine details rather than removing yourself from the situation and focusing on the outcome.

The only available solution is within you, when someone says something that annoys or offends you rather than using sarcasm to draw them into a trap that you will never let them win in, take a step back and ask first, will this person ever change my mind and second, does this person know anything about this subject that may enrich your knowledge, if the answer to both is no than it really isn’t worth it, continue debating the subject if you wish but do not engage that poster and if they are unlikely to ignore you that step right away from the topic. Yes I understand this goes against what you want to do but you have to look at outcomes... there is no point beating someone over the head with a stick if they are never going to change what they are saying.
 
Ignoring people isn't as hard as you guys make it to be, I do it all the time. All it takes is a book or an MP3 player with incredable music. And a state of mind that says it doesn't matter. Rationalise, use some Ti, distract yourself. It's very easy.

In fact it's the first step in Silently Honests path to assholery.

If you wish to know the rest of the ways of the asshole, just ask, and I won't answer.
 
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