Very good topic.
I pretty much agree that the stereotypes against SAHD's are pretty unfair and silly. However, in the case of what the OP posted on the website, I understand why the woman would be upset and why she said that. But at the same time, not for the reason she posted, but I understand why she would be frustrated.
My husband's job situation has never really been stable and he recently told me that he wants to quit so he can stay home when the baby arrives. Frankly, I feel men are supposed to work. I don't want to support a grown man and a baby. I'd like us both to continue our careers. Am I being old fashioned? What should I do?
Since she and him both work, I can see how it would be upsetting that he would want to quit, meaning she would have to pick up more hours and have less time with her baby. However, that still doesn't make her "I feel men are supposed to work" fair or valid... But at the same time, it seems she wants to spend more time with the baby too.
Also, another woman said:
Don't do it. You don't feel comfortable with it, and that is your right. As mothers, we carry that baby as a part of us for so long, we have that spiritual bond, we have instincts, and men ARE supposed to support their families... Instincts are instincts. You cannot change them. Women are designed for motherhood. Women have a connection with their children that fathers cannot even begin to fathom.
Which is unfair to speak on behalf of all families, but after I read she posted this:
My husband refuses to work. I had to go back to work to keep us from getting evicted. I got to stay home for the first 9 months, but he has been home now for 15 and still is sitting on his buttocks not doing laundry or making dinner or cleaning house on a regular basis. He will do one of each maybe once a week and expect to be applauded for it. Granted, he is in college now, but I had to give up my own college to allow that to happen. (Maybe then he can keep a job). All I am saying is be careful. Don't rationalize. Just because it has become more socially acceptable does not mean you have to be comfortable with it. You will never get this time back.
After that, I think she was also trying to warn her. Doesn't make her statement true for everyone, but I understood. There are a lot of good SAHDs. But, I think some men will
falsely take this term to take advantage, to unfairly to shoulder all the financial burden on women who want to spend time with their families too. In my opinion, men like that are just as bad as women who demand to be taken care of. It's a shame because those few men pollute the term SAHD for the ACTUAL dads who are committed to their children, like the one below:
First of all, you should clarify stay at home dad by choice versus just unemployed. I like the post that said that men can't multi-task. It seems to me that men should not be generalized when describing one's choice of a partner. I am a stay at home dad with three young children, and all my wife has to do is come home and play with the kids. I cook, clean, pay bills, service the car, shop and do home improvement projects. And yes, it is apparent that I am in a minority as I am usually the only father at the playground in the middle of the day during the week. My wife has admitted that she lacks the patience to deal with the kids all day everyday.
I see it as a case of a few bad apples giving a bad name for the rest.
