I think the biggest issue is that despite all of the examples we are given of 'good' and what it looks like, ultimately we are left disappointed. So, I can understand some spiritual bypassing because people are grappling with these existentialist questions. Unfortunately, they are given little help by well-meaning hypocrites in the "self-help" money grab industry or from the pulpits of toxic positivity.
The crux of spiritual development or psychological development is to embody 'good' or to work on those things which would prompt ourselves and others toward growth. Of course, you cannot define good without defining purpose. You cannot define purpose without defining cause. Once you understand that, there's an ultimate paradigm shift. However, so few actually know what that entails that they look to governing authority, their parents or mentors, or leaders in society. Yet, when confronted with the inevitability of the errancy of human nature (indeed each of those prior examples of 'good' will choose something contrary eventually), the observant inquisitor ends up surrendering their definition of 'good' and their telos with a contempt for humanity and a pledge to live out a bitter existence. Or worse, they succumb to nihilism or mistake evil for good, wherein they negate all personal responsibility because in the end it doesn't matter what we do, nor does evil matter in that mindset. Hence, Hitler. He was heavily influenced by Nietzsche, despite Nietzsche himself warning about the potentiality for evil in ascribing to his ideologies in ways which he did not intend.
(note: I am not speaking about those simply grappling with these notions, or dealing with very real negative life situations. I'm more so addressing those who are seeking how and why and what.)
I'm reminded of something Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote while in prison after trying to fight against the atrocities of the Holocaust. He was disquieted by the cruelty, and began seeking for good, wondering what the standard is, how he could possibly define it given human nature, what he could possibly anchor 'good' on in a world so bereft of 'good'? What sort of good leads one not only in a sense of 'knowing', but in doing and acting? Is this not the ultimate purpose of spirituality or of psychological growth? Self-actualization isn't the end, it is the fulfillment of purpose, and further 'good'.
From his prison cell, Bonhoeffer wrote the following on how to seek 'good' (I won't paste it all here as it is a bit long, but it is absolutely worth the read):
https://stromata.co/after-ten-years/
As for spiritual bypassing, I think it is a problem if it is in fact 'bypassing'. We often mistake our perceptions on the outside for what others are going through internally, or presume we have all of the details when we don't. Just because someone is spiritual, doesn't mean they are a proponent of inaction. I think it is integral to own your mistakes regardless of 'grace' or 'forgiveness' or whatever beliefs you adhere to. Once you've done that; however, then it is up to the offended to do something further or not. You can only control your actions/words, or own your mistakes if made. Though, I'm a bit cautious when others take on the helm of judgment in how humans should or shouldn't behave or be, lest they fall under the same judgment. To be clear, I'm aware of my own fallibility, and I work hard to own it despite being incredibly uncomfortable in doing so. Even stoicism seeks to negate one's personal responsibility to an extent, as it often leads one to throw up their hands. Striking the balance there, is difficult when you can do nothing more than leave your hands exposed.
I'll quote something from Bonhoeffer here:
"There is a very real danger of our drifting into an attitude of contempt for humanity. We know full well that it would be very wrong, and that it would lead to a sterile relationship with our fellow men. Perhaps the following considerations will save us from this temptation. The trouble about it is that it lands us into the worst mistake of our enemies. The man who despises others can never hope to do anything with them. The faults we despise in others are always, to some extent at least, our own too. How often have we expected from others more than we are prepared to do ourselves! Why have we until now held such lofty views about human nature? Why have we not recognized its frailty and liability to temptation? We must form our estimate of men less from their achievements and failures, and more from their sufferings. The only profitable relationship to others — and especially to our weaker brethren — is one of love, that is the will to hold fellowship with them. Even God did not despise humanity, but became Man for man’s sake."
Now, in addressing when spiritual bypassing has actually occurred, I can speak on that a bit. A friend lost her baby, and our mutual well-meaning friend, told her that she'd move past it and quoted her a Bible verse. For me, it was incredibly callous given the moment, but I understood that our mutual friend didn't have ill-intentions by it. However, for my friend who had just lost her baby, it was like being kicked in the gut. She became irate, and it took quite a long time for me to help them come to an understanding. Still, to this day, when that friend hears that Bible verse, she weeps.
We can do great harm when we don't take the time to listen, to empathize, to understand. Unfortunately, many of us must learn that lesson the hard way, as it doesn't come natural for us.
