[INFJ] So... she called to talk after I sent her that message.

[mintoots]

Coz she said she "owed" me a present. as if to make herself feel better that she gave me back something.
sigh. If im reading in between the lines, i can tell somewhere in there, shes feeling guilty alright.

LOL! Look at you giving me advice in your thread!

This really is a sort of breakup for you Ordz. You'll carry through with it fine for sure. I hope you find the right person soon enough.

 

[mintoots]

Also, I suggest you meet her. Close it up. Seal the deal. Reject her friendship in person so that it's clear how much you mean it. And yes. Return the gift. Be strong!

 

[ordz404]

LOL! Look at you giving me advice in your thread! .

Why of course, i'm the moonman and my empathy is like the size of the surface area of my moon face

 

[slant]

Their situation is surely not exactly mine albeit similar so my interpretations could have colored theirs differently. My friendship with this guy has a fundamental component to it--- i fell later into the dance and not at the onset, so we were genuinely friends and had to salvage some of that. Nonetheless, I became certain that he used me to some extent---although not for money, he used me for connections to advance his career so I am familiar with the emotion of being used.

But I sure do hope my experience would help Ordz see their situation for what it is.

No two situations are ever the same and sharing our experiences can definitely help others. I wasn't trying to argue with you but from my perspective the basis of advice is projection because how could you give another person advice based on what they want? That's not advice that's
"Follow your heart!" Which again is not advice it's telling the other person to figure it out themselves lol

 

[Wyote]

i'm the moonman

 

[mintoots]

moon face

The moonface sealed it for me.

No two situations are ever the same and sharing our experiences can definitely help others. I wasn't trying to argue with you but from my perspective the basis of advice is projection because how could you give another person advice based on what they want? That's not advice that's
"Follow your heart!" Which again is not advice it's telling the other person to figure it out themselves lol

Yeah no, no argument. I just felt like I crashed his thread a bit too strongly. It's all good. i hope.

 

[Wyote]

Yeah no, no argument. I just felt like I crashed his thread a bit too strongly. It's all good. i hope.

You ruined his life and the forum

 

[ordz404]

You ruined his life and the forum

My life feels so empty without this girl boo-hoo Hoo world life is forever ruined and I’m destined to be forever alone

Obviously no one is going to believe what I just wrote above lul.

 

[mintoots]

My life feels so empty without this girl boo-hoo Hoo world life is forever ruined and I’m destined to be forever alone

Obviously no one is going to believe what I just wrote above lul.

The important question to ask is do you believe it?

 

[Asa]

moon face

Normalize round faces.


I think you should go out on dates with other people and put your energy into that for a bit just to get your feelings for this woman out of your system. You need rebound dates.

 

[ordz404]

The important question to ask is do you believe it?

obviously not. Thats my healthy dose of sarcasm really.

 

[ordz404]

Normalize round faces.


I think you should go out on dates with other people and put your energy into that for a bit just to get your feelings for this woman out of your system. You need rebound dates.

Nah, i doubt i will, i kinda take things one at a time. And then deal with other stuff. I’m pretty traditional. No tinder no online stuff. Good ol fashioned way. But !! But!! My friends are rooting for me to get to know this new colleague of mine in the office...

And im like are you guys freaking serious! And hey round faces have more surface area to plant a smooch

 

[mintoots]

And im like are you guys freaking serious!

Do et! It's just adding contacts to your phone book. I used to have a very serious attitude about the whole thing but I realized it's just getting to know people and casting a harmless net widely. It isn't guaranteed to work too. Imagine this: that the chances of finding the right one are low even while dating so then it's even lower when you're not even trying, right? You aren't dating the new girl too. Just befriending her a bit.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Do et! It's just adding contacts to your phone book. I used to have a very serious attitude about the whole thing but I realized it's just getting to know people and casting a harmless net widely. It isn't guaranteed to work too. Imagine this: that the chances of finding the right one are low even while dating so then it's even lower when you're not even trying, right? You aren't dating the new girl too. Just befriending her a bit.

Getting to know people is illegal.

 

[mintoots]

Getting to know people is illegal.

 

[Asa]

Nah, i doubt i will, i kinda take things one at a time. And then deal with other stuff. I’m pretty traditional. No tinder no online stuff. Good ol fashioned way. But !! But!! My friends are rooting for me to get to know this new colleague of mine in the office...

And im like are you guys freaking serious! And hey round faces have more surface area to plant a smooch

I get that. I'd be the same way. You need something to distract you and help you get over this, though. While I encourage you to get to know people your friends suggest*, be careful with work romances.

Hey, I never thought about round faces that way.

*But only if your friends have good taste.

 

[ordz404]

I get that. I'd be the same way. You need something to distract you and help you get over this, though. While I encourage you to get to know people your friends suggest*, be careful with work romances.

Hey, I never thought about round faces that way.

*But only if your friends have good taste.

You know what they say about having a good sense of humour... and being able to poke fun at yourself .. not so much as in a self deprecating way but, knowing how to crack a joke
@Deleted member 16771 waddaya mean knowing people is illegal . I have half the mind to go up to the lass and like say.. "Helloo! is it meeee you're looking for? I can seeee ett in your eyesss!!"

Urgh. the annoyance of having to deal with mild drama.

 

[April]

So, this is the continuation of the previous thread where i just pretty much slammed the phone after the darn argument, and wanted to use the nuclear option.

https://www.infjs.com/threads/infj-...h-date-and-she-wants-to-be-friends-now.38028/

So yes... she called. Somehow I rather had she not called me. But she did. We did trash things out on the phone and while I do feel better having a long honest talk. But it doesn't change either of our positions. And i simply said we could argue till the bloody cows came home and still not come to freaking agreement. Most arguments don't get resolved in relationships and that is life.

So I don't want to keep this post too long but, our positions are clearly different. I told her that i liked her alot, and was willing to give it time if she agreed to it. Her position still stood as i like you as a friend and i'm still willing to hang out with you as a friend. But why the hell would a guy wanna do that? Its also annoying that she still calls me by nick names we gave each other.. so is her freaking skull made of oak or 100 year old timbre?

To add salt to the wound, she's like.. hey you know i still have your Christmas present and i'd like to pass it to you. Hey gal, you clearly dont' seem to understand the nuances of the situation... maybe you live on pluto? and your brain is frozen?

i need space for my heart to heal and to take time to grief the loss of what I thought was growing relationship. I take courage to bear one's heart to confess, and perhaps even greater courage to walk away with dignity and assertiveness... and clear I'm still upset to a certain extent. I asked her why not give us a chance, and her only reason she's saying so far is, i don't feel the spark or chemistry.

And i'm like we hung out till the bloody shops closed, had deep engaging conversations, we had good banter and I felt like we shared moments of closeness knowing stuff about her family, and her own challenges, etc, and the lack of chemistry was her no.1 reason for not wanting to let this continue. She doesn't sound like she knows what wants really. And maybe for some people, Chemistry is the no 1 priority of them.

She said that we did share a good number of common interests and areas. But her feeling of the lack of chemistry was the decision for her wanting to just remain friends... ( and of course while still benefiting from the attention advice and care i would give her in the capacity of a friend ). At this point... im not too keen on wanting to meet. I'm just wanting to do closure and be done with this whole debacle

So my hearty mates, please kick me in the butt and drop a freaking anvil on my head! Peace!

It sounds to me like shes just not attracted to you. Maybe emotionally but I'm thinking physically. Not saying you're ugly, but if she was attracted to you, she'd want to move into a more romantic relationship and she doesn't. She wants the companionship as a friend not as a lover, and that is usually due to no attraction. Sorry. Just my opinion, but I'm overly cynical in this area so take it with a grain of salt if you want.

 

[April]

I think it all boils down to she's not sexually attracted to you.

Your entire situation is familiar to me because it happened to me. In my case, guy is INTP and I INFJ. Guy and I were so close we practically spent every goddamned day together for around or over two years of our lives. Lunch. Dinner. Movies. Couple phones. Shoes. (He even also recently just bought a bag exactly like mine) but the thing is this: he did not want to cross the line that time and I have decided that he will never change his mind. His reason was that he loved me and couldn't ever imagine a life without me but only as a friend. Meaning: he'll attach himself emotionally to me but won't bang me. It was as simple as that.

We can't really argue against their choices. It's just theirs. That's where they choose to be and on that same ground, I also stomped my foot down to insist that my choice at that time was to terminate our friendship. He can argue against it but he still has to respect it in the same way I have to respect that he doesn't have feelings for me. He argued against it and said I'd change my mind when i've figured out that I don't really like him. I said I wouldn't change my mind. I didn't change my mind about not wanting to cultivate that much depth of our friendship again but he was right that I changed my mind about liking him. He's still attractive. Dude's got a nice pair of eyes but without his permission, I wouldn't ever let my self love him and I succeeded on drawing that line. I don't like him that way anymore. But to this day, he still tries to push back against the lines I've drawn and still tries to bring back our friendship. The trick is to give them a piece of what they want but to re establish boundaries where they're necessary. In my case, I draw the line at camaraderie. We can't ever spend personal time alone together ever unless it was something minor like him walking me to my car. But movies, dinners, all that jazz is gone. End. Cut.

Sometimes they see us completely just not with in a tint or shade we hoped they'd see. Not with some pink fluff or lusty reds.

My advice is to stay strong in your position and don't let her get any closer unless you know you're strong enough for it.

She's being stubborn because she wants to have her cake and eat it too. That is not fair to you so you have to keep repeating that. She will understand it eventually but she may not accept it. Let it be. Focus on yourself and put up all the ice cold walls. After she sees your pain, she'll get it. I made sure he knew mine because he had to be responsible for some of it if only for all of my time that he wasted. I also made sure he would hurt so that he felt exactly what I was feeling--- except to him he was being rejected as a friend while I was rejected as something a bit more.

One key difference between your case and mine was that he bought me meals and gave me stuff so I guess economically, we're evened out.

I say the same. Agreed

 

[Pin]

Well, speaking as a professional simp, the rational thing to do in this instance is to stop trying to make her like you and chase something better, probably God.

I've been in many situations similar to the one you're in and I learned that you're better off doing things with guaranteed benefits: exercising, studying, working.

I'm not saying you should ignore women you're trying to date but it's really not smart to go out of your way for someone and dance like a monkey. If she's not dancing like a monkey for you, she probably doesn't want your romance.

If you can't maintain a friendship without romantic intent then you've got to move on bro. It's totally fine to flirt with women but you've got to stop if she isn't amused by your efforts, let alone entertaining them.