Silver Linings (40+)

[Asa]

Thank you @John K
I did leave a lot of world leaders off the list because so many are older when they rise to power. The age limit for US president is 35. Still, leader rolls (whether Pope, PM, or President) are typically earned by older people, and it is a very good point to counter agism with.

 

[John K]

Thank you @John K
I did leave a lot of world leaders off the list because so many are older when they rise to power. The age limit for US president is 35. Still, leader rolls (whether Pope, PM, or President) are typically earned by older people, and it is a very good point to counter agism with.

Haha ! Yes I suggested those two because of the sheer scale of the impact they made through their personalities, way above and beyond their office. Pope John is the more surprising of the two, because he was meant to be an aged stop-gap who wouldn't try and actually do anything exceptional lol.

 

[Asa]

@John K – Pope Francis is pretty cool, too, as far as popes go.

 

[Asa]

A post @Stu wrote about arranging for his eventual burial and trying to find eco-friendly options for that sparked my interested in posting about such things here. Bleh. The least fun, but necessary, part of being an adult is planning for our eventual ends. Stu's post also raised an important question: how can we do this responsibly?

Have you written a will and made plans for your burial?
What are the most eco-friendly options?

I know some religions believe in an actual burial and this is an extremely personal topic, but for me, personally, the idea of poisoning land with graveyards when it could be used to feed people makes me sad, so I thought I'd ask to be cremated.

I know they make caskets out of paper now, and also a "pod" where a tree grows from your remains.

Even talking about this stuff really bothers me, TBH, but it is one of those topics many of us are probably dragging our feet on, and I thought it would be a good topic for the forum where we could offer each other advice and support because it is not a good conversation topic at cocktail parties. LOL!


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Also, what are your plans for your senior years?
I unrealistically plan to stay in my home. We bought a house with a possible bedroom on the first floor for when we get old.
Yesterday I visited two sets of older friends who recently moved to a senior community. The place was luxurious, with pool, exercise room, art room, greenhouse, library, salon, wood shop, a lovely restaurant, and even a cozy pub. It has a medical center and advanced care facilities, too. I still hate the idea of being at one of those, and I honestly don't think we could afford it.

During the winter my dad lives in the south in a gated community for seniors (similar to above, but they all have their own, little homes) and parties all the time at the clubhouse like he's a teenager. LOL! During the summer he lives in the north, closer to his kids.

 

[Stu]

I used to think cremation was the way to go because it seems that cemeteries are a waste of space. I am also not keen on the chemicals that are used in the embalming process though, to be honest, I don't really know that much about it. My brother in law is an undertaker and he told me the "organic" embalming process is just as expensive and I believe, depending on what jurisdiction you are in, there are laws that require certain procedures depending on the time table a family has determined for a funeral. If you are thinking about allowing folks who are far away to have the opportunity to attend.

While I do not belong to a religion, and am somewhat agnostic, in the last few years I have come to appreciate the role of the body in many religious philosophies. The word "spirit" is close to the word aspiration for instance...So the Idea of letting my body decompose into food for various flora and fauna has gained in my psyche, especially when I started hearing about low impact coffins designed to aid in the decay...

Another aspect I have begun to consider is what a service for me would look like. I do not see myself rejoining the RC church or any other...and while I gravitate toward Buddhism I always refrain from embracing it as a religion and feel uncomfortable with having a Buddhist funeral out of convenience. So that leaves me were I was when I got Married, then my wife and I wrote our ceremony and had a Justice of the Peace officiate.

 

[Daustus]

I used to think cremation was the way to go because it seems that cemeteries are a waste of space. I am also not keen on the chemicals that are used in the embalming process though, to be honest, I don't really know that much about it. My brother in law is an undertaker and he told me the "organic" embalming process is just as expensive and I believe, depending on what jurisdiction you are in, there are laws that require certain procedures depending on the time table a family has determined for a funeral. If you are thinking about allowing folks who are far away to have the opportunity to attend.

While I do not belong to a religion, and am somewhat agnostic, in the last few years I have come to appreciate the role of the body in many religious philosophies. The word "spirit" is close to the word aspiration for instance...So the Idea of letting my body decompose into food for various flora and fauna has gained in my psyche, especially when I started hearing about low impact coffins designed to aid in the decay...

Another aspect I have begun to consider is what a service for me would look like. I do not see myself rejoining the RC church or any other...and while I gravitate toward Buddhism I always refrain from embracing it as a religion and feel uncomfortable with having a Buddhist funeral out of convenience. So that leaves me were I was when I got Married, then my wife and I wrote our ceremony and had a Justice of the Peace officiate.

This was eerily like reading my own thoughts on the matter.

 

[Stu]

fools seldom differ

 

[Asa]

So that leaves me were I was when I got Married, then my wife and I wrote our ceremony and had a Justice of the Peace officiate.

My SO and I had the same problem. We chose a minster who was a friend of my SO's because her spiritual belief seemed more personal and meaningful than a random JP. She didn't read from the bible or do anything religious. She read a poem and I honestly don't remember what poem it was, even though many friends commented that it was one of their favorite poems and so very beautiful. The whole day seems like swimming in a haze.

I respect your idea of feeding the flora and fauna.

A lot of the most "sacred" ways I can think of disposing of a body are illegal. You can't just be buried in forest or field, or have a pyre, or be set out to sea, on fire or otherwise.

 

[John K]

I’d like to be shot into the sun when I die - sadly only a fantasy and very eco-unfriendly. I think we have fairly liberal laws about where you can be buried in the U.K. - in your garden is ok for example.

My experience with my mother and father who both developed dementia is to make sure you have set up a power of attorney arrangement. It needs to be one that persists if you lose ability to consent. It’s a nightmare for your welfare otherwise because your finances are locked and your carers are faced with a challenging and expensive court action that can take months to release them. It’s pretty straightforward for them if the POA is set up. We both have wills and POAs back to back in favour of and nominating other each other, with our children being the backups.

 

[Asa]

Being shot into the sun is brilliant.

Yes, I've seen all of this POA stuff and living will stuff unfold in different ways in every different case with family elders.

 

[jn56uytrx]

This was eerily like reading my own thoughts on the matter.

Same.

Other than the vague thought of wanting to decompose naturally and feed a tree, my thoughts of planning for my eventual death are very frivolous. My poor son gets the brunt of my wacky. He told me once he would agree to read this Yoda quote at my funeral:

Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not.

When I asked him to do it wearing a Yoda costume he agreed. He also told me he agreed because I would be dead and it wouldn't matter that he wasn't really going to do it.

I told him recently I hoped someone would say, "she was batshit crazy and it was beautiful" when I was dead. He told me he wouldn't remember to say that, but not to worry because it would come up anyway.

 

[Skarekrow]

I’d like to be shot into the sun when I die - sadly only a fantasy and very eco-unfriendly. I think we have fairly liberal laws about where you can be buried in the U.K. - in your garden is ok for example.

My experience with my mother and father who both developed dementia is to make sure you have set up a power of attorney arrangement. It needs to be one that persists if you lose ability to consent. It’s a nightmare for your welfare otherwise because your finances are locked and your carers are faced with a challenging and expensive court action that can take months to release them. It’s pretty straightforward for them if the POA is set up. We both have wills and POAs back to back in favour of and nominating other each other, with our children being the backups.

I suppose that eventually whatever is left of your body here on earth will one day be consumed by the sun as it grows to a red giant before dying...so it’s even better - the Sun is coming to you personally John!

 

[John K]

I suppose that eventually whatever is left of your body here on earth will one day be consumed by the sun as it grows to a red giant before dying...so it’s even better - the Sun is coming to you personally John!

That’s very true and very poetic. Long before then I’ll be cremated so most of me will be away with the wind and the clouds, and I’m very happy with that .

In fact thinking about it .... we replace all the atoms in our bodies over and again with time so I guess a lot of what was me is already out there.

Actually I’m not very bothered what happens to my body once I’m gone. I’ve never identified with it at the best of times - it hosts me but I’ve never felt that it is me. It will just be an empty shell. There are some things that would be a bit off though. I wouldn’t want to sling it into the black hole at the centre of the galaxy - that feels like a violation of some sort, don’t know why.

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

(40+)
I do not qualify for this thread..

I guess I officially qualify for this thread now!
I broke a bone in my foot around my 40th bday this year! First broken bone ever!

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

When I asked him to do it wearing a Yoda costume he agreed. He also told me he agreed because I would be dead and it wouldn't matter that he wasn't really going to do it.

I told him recently I hoped someone would say, "she was batshit crazy and it was beautiful" when I was dead. He told me he wouldn't remember to say that, but not to worry because it would come up anyway.

Hahahahahahahah!!!!!

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

In high school, I always imagined I'd be buried in a sexy light grey-ish sky blue casket with fancy brushed nickel trimmings. That evolved to just wanting a bunch of seeds packed up my butt and dumped on top of a hill to sprout as I decay.

Christians keep the body intact after death because they believe they will get their body back eventually. That didn't stop my great grandma, a life long Catholic, from being cremated. That was a bit controversial and personally strange to experience a full Catholic funeral with an urn and a picture.

Personally, I feel we should feed life when we die. We spend so much effort in consuming the earth's resources, let us return our bodies. Then again, just dumping a bunch of bodies in a pile somewhere will contaminate water and food sources with decay. Maybe getting launched into the sun isn't such a bad idea. We could collect bodies until there is enough to offset the environmental and financial costs.

A will and POA is soooooo important. My mom has been dealing with lawyers and paperwork for almost three years now, because her dad passed without doing anything to get his stuff in order, including handling the estate of his parents. She has had to search, make calls, find proof, of all property and money, etc from my great grandparents to get that estate in order, then have that funneled into my grandpa's estate, then everything has to be officially and legally put in her name. A house, vehicles, lots of money and property was almost all lost to the state because my grandpa didn't do any thing after his parents deaths or make preparations for his own. What a horrible, preventable mess. Woop!

*This has been 'Early Morning Thoughts' with Milktoast Bandit*

 

[John K]

When I asked him to do it wearing a Yoda costume he agreed. He also told me he agreed because I would be dead and it wouldn't matter that he wasn't really going to do it.

I told him recently I hoped someone would say, "she was batshit crazy and it was beautiful" when I was dead. He told me he wouldn't remember to say that, but not to worry because it would come up anyway.
:3:

 

[Sandie33]

What I noticed in my reverse timeline writing is that about every 8-10 years there has been a perceived "crisis event" that occurred. After noticing this, and writing how I trouble-shooted the issue at the time and moved on from it, I saw a pattern, (something INFJ's are brilliant at, lol).

I'm as prepared as I can be for the launch of the next event (s) ... yet, hopeful now that I'm aware of it none will manifest

Filled with optimism a year ago. Now that I'm in the middle of a next event and watchful, I struggle with my confidence yet remain ever the optimist.

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

What I noticed in my reverse timeline writing is that about every 8-10 years there has been a perceived "crisis event" that occurred

Yes! I've noticed this too! For me it has been 19-21 yrs, 29-30 yrs, then an event at 36 that is truly manifesting now at 40. Woop.

 

[Asa]

@Milktoast Bandit - Milky, ARKA has eco pods that look like a chrysalides. No silver, but they come in gold.

@Stu - et al, I just accidentally found out that there is something called "resomation" that cremates using water instead of fire.

@tovlo - Your family sounds so fun and what a gift is is to be able to joke about these things. May The Force Be With You.

@Skarekrow and @John K, well now I want to make animation art of the end times where the planets are "eaten" by our sun and call it, "We Are All One".
Sorry, that is how my sense of humor works.

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@Milktoast Bandit - Welcome officially to this thread.

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Filled with optimism a year ago. Now that I'm in the middle of a next event and watchful, I struggle with my confidence yet remain ever the optimist.

Yes! I've noticed this too! For me it has been 19-21 yrs, 29-30 yrs, then an event at 36 that is truly manifesting now at 40. Woop.

Love to you, @Sandie33! And you, too, Milky!

For me crises do not come in cycles, but life patterns do, including how I feel about myself, my popularity, my degree of introversion, etc.