Shame
- Thread starter Eniko
- Start date
A while ago I did have a great deal of shame, but then I recognized this as something I don't like having about, so I've been working on getting rid of it. I feel I've been rather successful. I just had a shouting conversation with my friend standing 20 feet/7 meters away about anal sex and the existence of the masculine G-spot, with me in favor of both. I didn't even blush. Actually I walked away laughing about how awkward we must made those who heard us feel! 
I understand that completely. I'm also in therapy (not just for shame) and I will concur my problems someday. I'm surprised the life hasn't been sucked out of me yet. haha.
Stay strong.
- Nov 12, 2008
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- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 1w2 sx/so/sp
I don't experience shame a lot, as I am good at preventing events that would cause it. Nevertheless, when I do feel shameful, it is very strong and hurtful. Mostly because I am tightly bound to social rule. I am very much the reverse of people who say "I have no shame".
I don't recall ever feeling shame actually. I sometimes feel embarrassed about something I've said or done, but it's never to the point of me being ashamed.
Shame, no.
Obsessed with faults, yes. I realize that this obessesion with faults is only detrimental, because the more I withdraw inward and analyze myself, the more sour I become. Self-awareness is good, but too much is just...meh. That's also why MBTI is probably more dangerous than beneficial for me.
Obsessed with faults, yes. I realize that this obessesion with faults is only detrimental, because the more I withdraw inward and analyze myself, the more sour I become. Self-awareness is good, but too much is just...meh. That's also why MBTI is probably more dangerous than beneficial for me.
Hm, interesting. Not quite the answers I was expecting (I was going for more agreement) but still interesting.
Personally I've always coped with a great deal of shame. I feel embarrassed about the smallest things. I used to let the fear of it hold me back all the time, but in the past few years I'm going more with a "well if I'm gonna feel shame no matter what I do I might as well not feel fear and shame" kind of attitude. It's actually helped to diminish it quite a lot.
My assumption was because INFJs as a whole are so acutely aware of the social norms and aware of how different they are (even when functioning within those norms, as we do quite well) that for a lot of INFJs this would cause some sort of sense of being embarrassed or ashamed. That would feed back into the pattern you see that INFJs loathe doing something "stupid", as they already feel flawed and shamed from the start.
In essence I was theorizing the shame that comes from being different and knowing it and being able to hide it well is the root cause for a lot of INFJ issues.
Thoughts?
Personally I've always coped with a great deal of shame. I feel embarrassed about the smallest things. I used to let the fear of it hold me back all the time, but in the past few years I'm going more with a "well if I'm gonna feel shame no matter what I do I might as well not feel fear and shame" kind of attitude. It's actually helped to diminish it quite a lot.
My assumption was because INFJs as a whole are so acutely aware of the social norms and aware of how different they are (even when functioning within those norms, as we do quite well) that for a lot of INFJs this would cause some sort of sense of being embarrassed or ashamed. That would feed back into the pattern you see that INFJs loathe doing something "stupid", as they already feel flawed and shamed from the start.
In essence I was theorizing the shame that comes from being different and knowing it and being able to hide it well is the root cause for a lot of INFJ issues.
Thoughts?
As a child I was acutely aware that I was different and often felt shame, but I "outgrew" it...or something. I can't remember the last time I felt shame. Guilt, now, is a horse of a different color and something that still plagues me, especially around motherhood.
If you look closely, you'll see there is agreement. People respond with one of two answers: either "yes" or "I used to, but I don't care anymore" (this is, of course excluding the INTJ who responded, Hi WaeV!). What seems to me to be the case is that we all have that acute sense of what we're supposed to be, and knowing we're not. This leads to the shame you describe. However, shame is not a positive emotion, and people get tired of it wen its so constant. This tiredness can drive people to simply stop caring if the general populace thinks we're weird or not. Without caring there is no need for shame, so we have no shame.