Shame | INFJ Forum

Shame

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Eniko, Jan 26, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Eniko
  1. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Threads:
    32
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Do you feel excessive amounts of it? Would you say shame is an emotion that dominates INFJs as a type?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. myst

    myst Community Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2009
    Threads:
    14
    Messages:
    326
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    175
    MBTI:
    infj
    Strange there are no replies to this. I don't know if I feel excessive amounts of shame. How much is excessive? :) I hope someone replies.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2008
    Threads:
    86
    Messages:
    3,686
    Likes Received:
    265
    Trophy Points:
    641
    MBTI:
    iNfj
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    A while ago I did have a great deal of shame, but then I recognized this as something I don't like having about, so I've been working on getting rid of it. I feel I've been rather successful. I just had a shouting conversation with my friend standing 20 feet/7 meters away about anal sex and the existence of the masculine G-spot, with me in favor of both. I didn't even blush. Actually I walked away laughing about how awkward we must made those who heard us feel! :mcunni:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. INFJesus

    Banned

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2009
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    197
    Likes Received:
    33
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ISFP
    I am in therapy for it.
    I am getting better, but I have wasted a large part of my life being a slave to it. and that in itself causes even more shame.
    I will conquer it.
     
  5. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2009
    Threads:
    263
    Messages:
    5,241
    Likes Received:
    669
    Trophy Points:
    667
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida man
    MBTI:
    wiblywobly
    Enneagram:
    timeywimey
    Shame, no. Convition, yes
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. forgetblueskies

    forgetblueskies Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2010
    Threads:
    11
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I understand that completely. I'm also in therapy (not just for shame) and I will concur my problems someday. I'm surprised the life hasn't been sucked out of me yet. haha.

    Stay strong. :)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. Bored Now

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Threads:
    14
    Messages:
    1,773
    Likes Received:
    151
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    *blows kiss*
    I'm pretty much shameless. I used to be the opposite, until I stopped caring. Now it's fun to flaunt my shamelessness in front of others and they find it charming and childlike.
    Go figure.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Threads:
    762
    Messages:
    14,154
    Likes Received:
    1,297
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2 sx/so/sp
    I don't experience shame a lot, as I am good at preventing events that would cause it. Nevertheless, when I do feel shameful, it is very strong and hurtful. Mostly because I am tightly bound to social rule. I am very much the reverse of people who say "I have no shame".
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. TrevOrTrevor

    TrevOrTrevor Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2009
    Threads:
    7
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I don't recall ever feeling shame actually. I sometimes feel embarrassed about something I've said or done, but it's never to the point of me being ashamed.
     
  10. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2009
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    1,507
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    100
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    Shame, no.

    Obsessed with faults, yes. I realize that this obessesion with faults is only detrimental, because the more I withdraw inward and analyze myself, the more sour I become. Self-awareness is good, but too much is just...meh. That's also why MBTI is probably more dangerous than beneficial for me.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    NaeturVindur likes this.
  11. Bored Now

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Threads:
    14
    Messages:
    1,773
    Likes Received:
    151
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    *blows kiss*
    See that's the odd thing. I feel little shame but I do feel guilt quite frequently. I guess I don't see the use of shame anymore, it was more prohibitive than productive.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. OP
    Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Threads:
    32
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Hm, interesting. Not quite the answers I was expecting (I was going for more agreement) but still interesting.

    Personally I've always coped with a great deal of shame. I feel embarrassed about the smallest things. I used to let the fear of it hold me back all the time, but in the past few years I'm going more with a "well if I'm gonna feel shame no matter what I do I might as well not feel fear and shame" kind of attitude. It's actually helped to diminish it quite a lot.

    My assumption was because INFJs as a whole are so acutely aware of the social norms and aware of how different they are (even when functioning within those norms, as we do quite well) that for a lot of INFJs this would cause some sort of sense of being embarrassed or ashamed. That would feed back into the pattern you see that INFJs loathe doing something "stupid", as they already feel flawed and shamed from the start.

    In essence I was theorizing the shame that comes from being different and knowing it and being able to hide it well is the root cause for a lot of INFJ issues.

    Thoughts?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. anica

    anica dark dreamer
    Donor

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2009
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    1,674
    Likes Received:
    169
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    As a child I was acutely aware that I was different and often felt shame, but I "outgrew" it...or something. I can't remember the last time I felt shame. Guilt, now, is a horse of a different color and something that still plagues me, especially around motherhood.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. WaeV

    WaeV Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    242
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    -+/=
    Enneagram:
    ...
    Yes and no. I don't feel shame at what society may want me to, such as not wearing matching colors or something silly, but if I do something that I truly regret then I will run it through my mind over and over and over.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  15. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2008
    Threads:
    86
    Messages:
    3,686
    Likes Received:
    265
    Trophy Points:
    641
    MBTI:
    iNfj
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    If you look closely, you'll see there is agreement. People respond with one of two answers: either "yes" or "I used to, but I don't care anymore" (this is, of course excluding the INTJ who responded, Hi WaeV!). What seems to me to be the case is that we all have that acute sense of what we're supposed to be, and knowing we're not. This leads to the shame you describe. However, shame is not a positive emotion, and people get tired of it wen its so constant. This tiredness can drive people to simply stop caring if the general populace thinks we're weird or not. Without caring there is no need for shame, so we have no shame.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page