Sensitive issue
- Thread starter mindlink
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What I think you need to do is focus on the things you can control, and stop focusing on the things you cannot control ... or even try to understand them. Once you are able to stabilize your life, the understanding of the world around you will change, including your family relationships. Focus on your education, focus on finishing and getting out of the house. Focus on how you can better yourself, b/c it is the change that you make in your own behavior that indirectly changes how others behave.
If you want to push people out of your life forever, that's fine ... but it's not fine in the workplace. By secluding yourself you aren't giving yourself the opportunity to make social mistakes and learn from them as well. You have to work at something in order to be better at it, including friendships. Friends come and go, don't be afraid of that ... it's a fact of life. I think you are doing a horrible injustice to yourself by holding yourself back.
If you want to push people out of your life forever, that's fine ... but it's not fine in the workplace. By secluding yourself you aren't giving yourself the opportunity to make social mistakes and learn from them as well. You have to work at something in order to be better at it, including friendships. Friends come and go, don't be afraid of that ... it's a fact of life. I think you are doing a horrible injustice to yourself by holding yourself back.
There is the saying that "if you kicked the person in the butt who was responsible for most of your problems, you wouldn't sit for a week." It's a matter of learning that you need to stop blaming others for your problems, and start blaming yourself for not being proactive and taking control of your own life. 
I think the main problem I see on this forum from the younger crowd, is the inability to make boundaries. Learn how to do this for yourself, I cannot stress the importance. Learn that it is okay to say no and not allow people to take advantage of you. Learn that it is okay to stay away from those who are toxic in your life. The more you take care of yourself, the better you will feel.
I think the main problem I see on this forum from the younger crowd, is the inability to make boundaries. Learn how to do this for yourself, I cannot stress the importance. Learn that it is okay to say no and not allow people to take advantage of you. Learn that it is okay to stay away from those who are toxic in your life. The more you take care of yourself, the better you will feel.I havent spoken to my father in years. I still keep up with my mother.
More or less my immediate family has long been a source of instability for me. I now live far away from all of them...And I'm doing great
That said.
Your parents are going to inevitably think they know a) whats best for you and b) better then you in general. This is almost intrinsic of being a parent. (I do not have kids)
Your family is what it is. You cannot change it. The best you can do is accept it, Learn what you can from it. And move on.
If you can manage to do so, I do think it is worthwhile to attempt to keep in touch with family. You are more then likely going to outlive them and while you might not realize it now. When the time comes that they are not around anymore you are going to wish you spoke to them more. There will be plenty of time in the many years down the road to feel however you are going to feel. (I could probably take some of this advice myself with my own father...)
While the exact dynamic of your relationship with your father and what the source or even topic of your issues is not made clear. I can only assume that your father is trying to teach you or mentor you on something in his own way. This may even be extending itself to the extent that your father is trying to make you into him.
Assuming any of that is at least close to the mark. I think it would be important to attempt to communicate to your father that you dont need lessons or mentoring on how to be more like him, But rather, Support for being who you are and what your good at, which should probably be evident by now. (Your age is not disclosed, but I gather .. that you are younger then middle aged)
As far as your relationship with your father .. making you apathetic to ... everyone else. It sounds a lot like you've internalized your conflict with your father and almost let it consume you to the point that its now being exported out on the rest of the world. Your relationship with your father should be just that, With your father. If you've managed to internalize it to that point then you need to take a few large steps back and realize that everyone else in the world has nothing whatsoever to do with your father, Other people with similar issues or similar attitudes are never going to be your father and your father should absolutely not be the 'model' on which you base your outlook and perception of anyone else!
I hope some of this advice has helped.
More or less my immediate family has long been a source of instability for me. I now live far away from all of them...And I'm doing great
That said.
Your parents are going to inevitably think they know a) whats best for you and b) better then you in general. This is almost intrinsic of being a parent. (I do not have kids)
Your family is what it is. You cannot change it. The best you can do is accept it, Learn what you can from it. And move on.
If you can manage to do so, I do think it is worthwhile to attempt to keep in touch with family. You are more then likely going to outlive them and while you might not realize it now. When the time comes that they are not around anymore you are going to wish you spoke to them more. There will be plenty of time in the many years down the road to feel however you are going to feel. (I could probably take some of this advice myself with my own father...)
While the exact dynamic of your relationship with your father and what the source or even topic of your issues is not made clear. I can only assume that your father is trying to teach you or mentor you on something in his own way. This may even be extending itself to the extent that your father is trying to make you into him.
Assuming any of that is at least close to the mark. I think it would be important to attempt to communicate to your father that you dont need lessons or mentoring on how to be more like him, But rather, Support for being who you are and what your good at, which should probably be evident by now. (Your age is not disclosed, but I gather .. that you are younger then middle aged)
As far as your relationship with your father .. making you apathetic to ... everyone else. It sounds a lot like you've internalized your conflict with your father and almost let it consume you to the point that its now being exported out on the rest of the world. Your relationship with your father should be just that, With your father. If you've managed to internalize it to that point then you need to take a few large steps back and realize that everyone else in the world has nothing whatsoever to do with your father, Other people with similar issues or similar attitudes are never going to be your father and your father should absolutely not be the 'model' on which you base your outlook and perception of anyone else!
I hope some of this advice has helped.
Your father is supposed to be someone you look up to. A great teacher, a person you try to be like even if secretly. If your father was intelligent but a mass murderer, had been kind and loving toward you I bet you would be messed up. As it is, your father has a disease. I bet it makes you sad that he has it, angry he isnt "good" enough to fix it himself. After all if he really loved you he should be able to do it.
I have a brother who is basically the same way. Completely detached from reality. He angers me, annoys me, scares me... And yet he is my brother, I have bonded with him. I cant get away from him and feel guilty for wanting to, guilty for despising him, guilty that sometimes I think hes not "good" enough to be my brother.
I think the key is forgiveness. Forgiving people for not being able to stand up to your standards. Also remember being human is not easy. Some people have it easy and others have it more difficult even if they will never see it that way.
Your father will never be perfect, perhaps more distant from it than others. Make your own choice about what type of person he is. Is he a good person that has an illness he has no control over? Is he a bad person with and illness he has no control over.
Anyway my two cents. Take it for what its worth.
I have a brother who is basically the same way. Completely detached from reality. He angers me, annoys me, scares me... And yet he is my brother, I have bonded with him. I cant get away from him and feel guilty for wanting to, guilty for despising him, guilty that sometimes I think hes not "good" enough to be my brother.
I think the key is forgiveness. Forgiving people for not being able to stand up to your standards. Also remember being human is not easy. Some people have it easy and others have it more difficult even if they will never see it that way.
Your father will never be perfect, perhaps more distant from it than others. Make your own choice about what type of person he is. Is he a good person that has an illness he has no control over? Is he a bad person with and illness he has no control over.
Anyway my two cents. Take it for what its worth.